Crow vs. Huesitos the Warrior

Crow vs. Huesitos the Warrior

by jhalton


282 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11


by ledes87


0 points
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Critiques & Comments
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jhalton
Artist
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42 comments
# 11   Posted: Nov 11 2009, 03:42 PM
WOW, thanks Kevin, that's like the mother of all comments. I'll be sure to keep checking that for a while , it's a lot to absorb.

thanks to everybody else for their comments too. Sorry this wasn't actually a "battle"....but hey, maybe next time....

Kevin Birtcher
Allfather
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287 comments
# 10   Posted: Nov 3 2009, 11:17 AM
Page 3 – You should really use a different tone for the skin and background in Panel 1… and it looks like the horn is the same tone too.  Not much to say about Panels 2 and 3, but if you “Crazy”s to be more easily read, a thin white outline would go a long way.  Panels 4 and 5 are somewhat odd, because it appears Huesitos is being knocked or thrown backward, but it’s not real clear.  I believe Panel 4 should really have been shown from the side.  That way, we get the full impact, Huesitos mid-air, we see him moving backward, and a big helpful sound effect ties the whole moment together for us like a ribbon around a present.  The last two panels here are good, but the clouds and sky have the same tones again.  Mix those up some more for greater distinction between objects.

Page 4 – Panel 1 is excellent.  You’ve got good distinction between foreground and background, a fair amount of background detail, and a classic stand-off.  Good job.  Panel 2 could benefit from more detail, a general rule whenever we’re this close to an object.  Panel 3, looks like you went a little crazy with the speed lines.  The weapon should definitely have speed lines, but the ground and air behind the building look odd with them there, especially when the building is stationary.  Looks like they’re in a movie, travelling through hyperspace.

Page 5 – These are all good speed lines, but just be careful not to overuse the technique.  Also, this page could seriously benefit from sound effects.

Page 6 – Panel 1 is good, but ya know what would help those cracks and snaps?  You guessed it, a sound effect.  I also find it a little odd that Huesitos is so toned, but Crow isn’t.  Crow is only solid black, white, and a couple of hatch marks.  Why?  Give him some shadow and tone too.  With Crow being so small in panel 2, this could have benefitted from some background details instead of toning.  I don’t think I’ve mentioned this yet, but I do enjoy his word “bubbles” and strange lettering.  It really helps.

I have very specifically avoided talking about the plot of this comic until now, mainly because I haven’t read previous comics from either of these characters and have no idea what’s happening in their respective stories.  Shame on me for not doing my homework, but I’m a firm believer in working in a recap for new comers.  Regardless, I think I can talk about the plot, even without going to deeply into the characters themselves.

Why would Clowny Face guy agree to take out Crow without knowing what he’s getting into, namely an opponent he can’t beat?  Why would Nose-Picking Shadow Man from Page 1 hire this guy when he’s ill-equipped to hold up his end (actually, this might be answered with the next question)?  What happens to Clown Face here when he inevitably fails to fulfill the agreement, because he does, quite spectacularly.

Page 7 – I don’t have much to say, since it’s all talking, but at least one of those panels should have a background.  I’d go with Panel 2, since it’s the largest and most bare.  Also, just watch your anatomy.  I don’t know what’s going on with the shirt in Panel 1, but it looks like he’s got really saggy titties.  Panel 5 has yet another in a long line of ever-changing lip sizes for Clowny Face.

Page 8 – Same as everywhere else – not enough backgrounds, inconsistent tone work, weird lips, hair that defies gravity… the one glaring issue here is the incredibly shrinking rooftop in the last panel.

Page 9 – All-around excellent.  Nice layout change, you’ve got different tones for each scene, I like it quite a bit.  I just wish those building in the last “panel” weren’t shoeboxes.

Pages 10 and 11 - Nothing to say really, just that I'm looking forward to wherever you take this.

Kevin Birtcher
Allfather
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287 comments
# 9   Posted: Nov 2 2009, 03:01 PM
It looks like you’re still discovering your style here, especially in the shading department.  For convenience, I’ll use Page 1 as an example for a variety of things I saw throughout the comic.  Panel 1 is entirely toned, except for a few bizarrely placed highlights and the window panes.  However, the rest of the page you’ve got a combination of some very heavy blacks along with white space, hatching, and tones.  Consistency is key, and I recommend going the combo route instead of just tones for a few reasons…

Firstly, whenever you’ve got highlights, you should also have lowlights.  You’ve got some denser tones in Panel 1, but there should have some solid blacks in here too.  At the very least, in some of the buildings that are farther back should have black elements on them.  While I’m at it, the background should be more filled in as well.  You’ve really only filled 3/4s of the panel vertically - what’s behind this set of buildings?  We should be able to see something, because it currently looks like the world just ends.

The highlights should really correspond to your light sources, and it doesn’t look like that’s happening because the light appears to be coming from the ground.  Maybe that’s right, but generally lighting comes from above.

Since Panel 1 is your establishing shot, I think it would help to have a small text box tell us the location, even if it’s just something like “undisclosed industrial park within VOID City”, for instance.  I’d also begin the conversation in Panel 1, to make the connection the two characters are within the buildings shown.

Oh, and I very nearly forgot to talk about the clouds.  They look kinda like a cross between brains and old-people skin.  With clouds, less is usually more.  I’d kill the bulk of the lines and try to convey shapes through the use of denser and lighter tones.

Despite everything I just said, this is still a nice perspective shot with a good level of detail.  Nice job.

Panel 2 is pretty good, but I’ll use it as an opportunity to talk about the word balloons seen throughout your comic.  They’re not really a uniform shape, and tend to take up a lot of space even when the text is fairly small.  A good example of this is the last panel on Page 2, where the bubble is about twice as large as it needs to be.

I think I’m looking at a person in Panel 3, but I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be an alien, furry, or something else.  I can understand the desire to shroud him in shadows, but we should be able to tell what we’re looking at, even if there isn’t enough detail to tell who it is.  Also, I know what he’s doing with his hands, but all I see when I look at this is that he’s got both his index fingers up his nose.

Panel 4 is good, except for that monstrous nose shadow.  Up close, we shouldn’t see blacks that dark, especially when the rest of his face is a medium tone and no transition between the two.  Panel 5 is similarly pretty good, but this would have been a nice place for some background details.  I’m also not sure the lighting makes any sense.  Panel  6 is nice, but the lack of tones is an odd choice.  Nose shadow issues continue here as well.  Panel 7 is good, except I have no idea what that vertical line next to him is supposed to be.  I’m also surprised you’d choose to add hatch marks to his face, but leave the hair

Given the complete lack of background details, the conversation on this page could be taking place on the Moon for all we know.  The establishing shot should give detail and add context to the panels that follow, but that really doesn’t happen here.  The first shot and rest of the panel are disconnected from each other in every way.

Page 2 looks much better than Page 1 does.  Panel 1 in particular is very nice, but still suffers from light source issues – the Moon being the only source, but objects being lit from below.  Panels 2 and 3 could have benefitted from sound effects, but the use of tone here is good here.  Panel 4 confuses me for two reasons – 1) why is it only the tops of buildings have windows, and 2) why was there so much detail in Panel 1 but all the buildings here are just flat rectangular blocks?  No real comment for Panel 5, but the lack of hair detail again and odd.  Panel 6 could have benefitted from added clarity for both characters, but especially Crow.  He’s a complex looking character to begin with, and without prior knowledge, the audience probably couldn’t tell what they’re looking at here.

Outta time, I’ll have to get to the rest tomorrow.

silver-phish
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6 comments
# 8   Posted: Nov 1 2009, 10:06 PM
Jhalton: I really liked your submission, I can see that your battles are probably going to be totally plot driven and I like the bigger storyline that you're hinting at although I thought that Huesitos' defeat was without any fanfare at all and kind of anticlimatic because of that. I agree with William about Bako and also agree about the foundations. Otherwise, I'm looking forwad to your next battle! I hope crow will get to talk soon, it'd be interesting to see how he really thinks.

jhalton
Artist
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42 comments
# 7   Posted: Nov 1 2009, 07:08 PM
williamduel: thanks, and yea I've been working lately at anatomy, i think this is better than my last submissions, but still needs more practice. The SPECIFIC examples you gave are really useful, it's hard to see for myself what I need to work on sometimes.
Stay tuned, I wanted to set up some mysteries to get people interested, looks like thats working so next will be answering some questions before it stops being interesting.

now to draw some nudez!

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 6   Posted: Nov 1 2009, 05:45 PM
The wide images just made it bothersome, but I really like the character crow and his jive.

Your awesome toning and type is offset by mediocre human figures.. I would say that they should be your next focus on developing.

Great comic in the end :)

William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 5   Posted: Nov 1 2009, 04:37 PM
jhlaton, you've got a great command of the special effects and such, I wish I could do that, but your basics, your foundation seems to suffer a little.  And I mean that in regards to your human figures.  For example when Bako is standing, his proportions seem kinda off, so much so that he seems really short or shrunken.  And during the fight scenes like Huesitos' arms are kinda too short.  

Storywise, well I like Crow and sure I wanna know what his deal is, but I feel the flow of action and pacing was a little weak here.  I dunno how to explain it or what could have been better...perhaps a little more action and not so much exposition on Bako's part?  Sure he's some sort of powerful divine figure but I dunno, I just wasn't feeling it.

jhalton
Artist
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42 comments
# 4   Posted: Nov 1 2009, 02:52 PM
WHAT?!!?!?! NO SUBMISSION!?!?!

Dammit, I hate these win by default things. Was looking forward to seeing what you would post too

silver-phish
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6 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 31 2009, 02:07 AM
Ohhh, Exciting! Do your best!

Dimension
Artist
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489 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 10 2009, 11:37 AM
awesooooome

Betito
Artist
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104 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 10 2009, 11:30 AM
Tremendo!
Good luck guys! =)

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Nov 8th, 2009
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 729
Winner: jhalton

 

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