Tekka vs. Lilitu

Tekka vs. Lilitu

by JAZ


887 points
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by


573 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 18   Posted: Aug 23 2009, 02:34 PM
Work needs to stop eating my time up so I can comment more!

Jaz-your storytelling is very solid, I'm happy to see that you've done a lot more with your character than just making her another token badass kid. The pacing was very good and I enjoyed the interaction between the characters, especially between her and the cleaning lady. Your furries are solid but you seem to have a lot of troubles when you draw humans like the 4th page 5th panel Lilitu has no neck almost. The neck problem seems to be present across most of the human shots and I don't really see it when you draw anthros. You have some good dynamic perspective and shots going on, but there are times where they look very off. Like the 7th page 1st panel I think the background is working well there, but Lilitu looks like she's just very short instead of any foreshortening being involved. I think this was a really solid comic otherwise, it makes me happy to see some fresh and new story oriented characters pop up, I look forward to seeing more.

So-Chan-I like the color scheme you chose for Void, all the blues look very nice. But the line tool backgrounds are really hurting you. While backgrounds can be a pain in the butt to do, if you're going to use the line tool you have to make it not look like you're using it by having variation in lines and adding small touch ups here and there with the tablet to make the lines look less stiff. Another thing to watch out for is your cel shading. It can be hard to get the hang of doing clean cel shading, keep practicing with it. At the moment you have some very wonky edges on your shading like page 3 panel 2 it really takes away from the coloring when you have such shaky edges. It doesn't hurt to use the pen tool to help you with coloring in hair until you get the hang of doing more crisp edges. Story wise this was a typical first Void battle, I didn't vote you too harshly for it because most of us do the random run into someone and beat the shit out of them story as our first comic. Just try to make sure you branch out a little in the future.

JAZ
Artist
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114 comments
# 17   Posted: Aug 20 2009, 06:07 PM
Kuro: Thanks. I know my foreshortening needs a lot of work. I know the basics of perspective, but I have a really hard time applying it to complex figures like humans and animals. I’ve found a lot of tutorials to look at, but none specifically for the human figure (drawing it in perspective that is). If anyone has any links to such a thing, or any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks ZigZag, Slaying that demon is somewhat of an endless battle for me haha.

ZigZagZero
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41 comments
# 16   Posted: Aug 19 2009, 05:08 PM
So-Chan-good first hit. Your colors are good but I do see what you are saying about your backgrounds. Also the demon called perspective.
Jaz-I really liked what I saw. I agree with who ever commented on the demon (see above). Your colors are beautiful also. Really good story telling. I enjoyed the whole exchange with the janitor.
What I also enjoyed about both was an ending. Jaz yours espcially. The heaviness of the story was felt. Tekka had come across as a light hearted character to me but now a whole new dimension has been added. Great job.

JAZ
Artist
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114 comments
# 15   Posted: Aug 19 2009, 09:03 AM
JAZ: I was a little worried that people would think it was too long, but nobody seems to be complaining.
Quote

Hehe, disregard that.

Michael: Hmm... I'm not sure if I wanted Tekka's attack to seem like one of desperation. More of a "you hurt me emotionally I'll hurt you back physically" kind of reaction, and regretting it right after. But more than one person has told me that that part kind of confused them, so I obviously have to work on something there.
I know what you mean about the texture. I always seem to rush through the coloring at the end just to get it done. I'll try and slow down next time and pay more attention to stuff like that.

Kuro
Artist
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581 comments
# 14   Posted: Aug 19 2009, 08:35 AM
i'm impressed, jaz. a big step up from your last & a nice heads up for things to come. and the fact that there's so much comic packed into that really impresses me too. my main recommendation is that if you're going to continue to get into action scenes like that, to work a little bit on your foreshortening. the super flat style you have & organic lines work very well, but knowing how to bend & foreshorten towards the p.o.v. might help add a bit more to the dynamics of the action sequences. and while i'm always a stickler for straight, technically rendered lines, i think the more you practice, what you're doing now will look great. it might not quite be there yet, but just keep at it.

so-chan: i wasn't familiar with your character & looking at the avatar i could only think of the crazy cartoon lady that c chases eddie valiant across toontown in who framed roger rabbit. definitely work on adding a lot more distinction between the characters. despite the differences between the two characters you seemed to draw them exactly the same way. and that way is also very stiff & rigid. try to loosen your characters up some. also i realize that english might not be your first language but the dialogue came across as rather plain & flat. try to give your characters specific voices.

michaelharris
Artist
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352 comments
# 13   Posted: Aug 18 2009, 11:31 AM
JAZ- it was a little long and it seem to kind of wander around aimlessly for the first couple pages. I understand showing the change in personality that desperation can cause someone to have but it seemed a little out of character and unnecessary to attack someone. The only major problem I see is that everything has the exact same texture. blood looks the same as signs, which has the same texture as the note towards the end.

So-Chann- I like the cartooning and characterization. I would keep working on anatomy and perspective and try to jazz up the backgrounds a bit. Also start playing around with perspective grids too. Good first battle.

JAZ
Artist
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114 comments
# 12   Posted: Aug 18 2009, 09:09 AM
Thanks guys, I'm glad you liked my comic!
I was a little worried that people would think it was too long, but nobody seems to be complaining.

fowlie: yeah, I kind of neglected my ruler in the drawing of this comic. I should probably make more of an effort to use it instead of free handing everything.

So: don't worry about it, it's your first comic. Your next one will be even better =)

Will: I’ll just have to keep practicing my perspective. That’s all I can do I suppose.
About the mirror, I don't think you're being too nitpicky honestly. I was thinking about that myself while drawing it. I wanted to smash a mirror and use it as a reference, but I couldn't find one. Haha, not sure why it didn't occur to me to use google.
 
Thanks again you guys. This was a fun, albeit stressful comic to make.

William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 18 2009, 07:16 AM
Well JAZ you've caught my interest.  Your comic is very impressive.  You've got a good range of backgrounds (who doesn't love backgrounds?  Well looking at them.) that makes for a very impressive scene or rather you've given Void itself a vibrant life.  What I can see you needing help on is the angles and foreshortening, which has been your only weakness thus far.  For example in one of the panels we see Lilitu from an angle that's slightly down and her face becomes oddly blocky in comparison to the multiple times you've drawn her.  That's the sort of thing I think that one gets better at when they draw from photos and such.  Also, this is a nitpicky thing but the cracks on the mirror are too smooth and should be more jagged.  Nitpicky but I felt like I should point it out since I felt the scene with the janitor looking into the cracks could have been stronger that way.  But an excellent comic to be sure and you're definitely a rising star.

So-chan there's not much I can add that fowlie hasn't touched upon, I will say though that your first comic this isn't a bad entry to start with.  You made an attempt with backgrounds but it does need some work.  In some places you've got these real wobbly lines contrasting against the straight ones making for a really odd scene.  The objects in your backgrounds could use some more depth, like in the arcade, the arcade machines are far too flat to be recognized as real objects.  Same issue with the ladder Tekka is on and so forth.  Your characters could also use some looser movements like when Tekka is hit by the pacman, it hits her in the chest but the lower half of her body doesn't seem to be reacting to the impact.  Otherwise, it'll be great to see some more comics from you so work on those things.

fowlie
Artist
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177 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 17 2009, 09:42 AM
Jazz: WOW!! I think you’re becoming one of my favorite artists on Void.  This looks and reads great.  I found myself on the edge of my chair looking forward to what happens next, and needing to know.  And that was a long comic, you pulled off a lot of story and character developments with great pacing and build, you really used your time well. You should be proud!

The art looks pretty good, the lines looked a bit wobbly and sometimes rushed in the backgrounds, try using a ruler when penciling on stuff like the tub in the hotel room, makes it easier to get a straighter line when inking without it being super perfect. (Part of your arts charm I think is how it’s a bit wobbly in the lines.)  The colors were GREAT, it gave the really great feel of late night with only the streetlights for light.  And I really like the pink you used for the blood; it created a really nice harmony with the rest of your pallet.  I would have just gone for red, to go for the shock of a sudden bright color.

You’re whole comic was just stunning, I can’t wait for more from you. If I had read this comic in a book, I would have not been disappointed!


S0-Chan666: It was OK, not too bad for a first comic.  I’ll just get out of the way; I’m not a huge fan of your style.  I find it stiff and a bit jagged, also it could use some more variety in it, I took a peek at your DA and a lot of the characters you draw (including Tekka here) have the same builds and face shapes.  

You might want to try loosening up a bit and letting your lines curve more.  Did you draw this all on the computer? Or at lest ink it digital? It has that feel too it. If so, I really recommend working with traditional and non-digital inks.  

The backgrounds were looking really REALY empty.  There is a LOT of easy ways to fill up backgrounds that are on the street.  Some of my favorites are bricks, posters, signs, trash, water marks, window displays, other people! Seriously, Void looked like the most under populated city in the world.  With the coloring, again, do more with those backgrounds!  I like to do backgrounds in one color too, but using several tones and shades is a good way to brake up the blandness and add some much needed depth. The panels that were all just that blue in the BG had me confused to where the characters even were on the street or how closer they were to each other. When doing action, pull the camera out and give us a nice establishing shot of where they are every once in a while.

One more thing about the colors, what TIME was this battle taking place, at first I thought it was late night, with how dark that blue was, but then we see the sky and it’s really light blue the middle of the day, but at the end it looks like dusk/dawn. Constancy is the key word here.  

Craqued
Artist
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202 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 17 2009, 09:36 AM
dang JAZ, props. i didnt expect this at all. i really like your style and your backgrounds, figures and lines are all really consistent. awesome job!

so, i feel you were lacking a lot in backgrounds and pretty much only put effort into just the standing figures. try and work more on your dynamism and little details; it will make your comic easier to read.

JAZ
Artist
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114 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 16 2009, 11:00 PM
Uploaded.
Now with 90% more hair-washing action!

JAZ
Artist
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114 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 16 2009, 09:58 PM
Woah, I can't believe I finished on time!
Gonna try and upload now.
Hopefully I won't break the uploader haha.

JAZ
Artist
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114 comments
# 6   Posted: Jul 30 2009, 07:08 AM
The comic.
It's either going to be an epic fail or reeeeeally long hahaha.

...Or both perhaps? =O

JAZ
Artist
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114 comments
# 5   Posted: Jul 28 2009, 12:40 PM
This is turning out to be a wee bit long... =B

Penryn88
Artist
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76 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 22 2009, 09:56 PM
this is gonna be SWEEEEEET!!

Dimension
Artist
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489 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 21 2009, 12:43 PM
good luck! :3

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 20 2009, 08:54 PM
looking forward to it you two

William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 20 2009, 07:58 PM
Oh my, this does have potential.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Aug 23rd, 2009
Votes Cast: 37
Page Views: 1268
Winner: JAZ

 

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