Jaret vs. Vodka Martini

Jaret vs. Vodka Martini

Jaret vs. Vodka Martini


896 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Enaxon
Artist
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27 comments
# 26   Posted: Nov 25 2006, 01:25 AM
Disappointed guys, disappointed.

You guys\'re like MAH BEST E-PEEPZ and I support you guys all the way, but this wasn\'t as great as I hoped it would be.

Uriko- Art was great, but most of Vodka\'s poses makes it look like she\'s gonna fall over.:< you need to invest in more markers or color in a media with a large color palette (like digital). More story, less cliche anime. I know you\'re a great writer, don\'t hold back on us <3

BK- NO COLOR MAKES KOZE A SAD FERRET. Especially since your color style\'s amazing. Jaret\'s a great character, don\'t throw him away. He just needs room to develop. I don\'t want him to end up like Delya\'s Dean. And the actual fight was cool, but the BGs were horrible. Lacked depth and dimensions. And you\'re also great at writing.

Keep trying guys, I promise I\'ll fix my stuff so I can have a go at you gusy :D

Blackkrystal
Artist
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37 comments
# 25   Posted: Nov 24 2006, 05:48 AM
Thanks for all the comments and crits guys, they\'re much appreciated. After this battle I\'m gonna retire Jaret for a while and work on my skills, so when I come back I\'ll win a few battles XD

And thanks for battling Uriko, though I\'ve gotta say, if this\'s what you do in a normal battle, I\'d hate to see you in a death match XP

jestermonkey
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9 comments
# 24   Posted: Nov 23 2006, 10:16 PM
I suppose what\'s been said has been said, so it needn\'t be re-said.

BK: I really think it would have picked this fight up if it had had more colour pages, even /flats/, there would have been more visual interest. Even //tones// for the background. There needs to be more definition between characters, and the various grounds [fore, mid, back]...I\'m asking for anything really, tones, penshading, colours, grey\"wash\". Really D:

Uri: Horray, colour! But still not much definition! Your character already has VERY BOLD colours, you need a wider marker selection, or just to learn how to mute the other tones better...she was the same colour as the bush and it made it a bit harder to comprehend what was going on. Bold is good, bold is okay, bold is lurvly, but being hit with bold bold bold /bright/ colours all over the page gives nowhere for the eye to rest, especially with the hetic/frantic paneling you have on some of those pages. I ALSO AGREE ABOUT THE SILVER PEN. Repeat after me: \"I will not use metallic colours for metal a they always will look /fake/.\" It really just makes me want to rip off her ears more D: There\'s so much going on with this character, between her colours and her ears and the silver pen, that it makes everything near her too cluttered-looking.

I think that was a difference: BK\'s pages had no clutter, too much negative space; Uri\'s had a lot of clutter, very little negative space.
To both, I suggest maaaybe thumbnailing your pages out before you do the real thing, along with scripting.

D6016
Artist
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89 comments
# 23   Posted: Nov 23 2006, 08:57 PM
Cant Wait Uriko

Angie
Council
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1937 comments
# 22   Posted: Nov 23 2006, 01:03 AM
Okay I\'m going to be pretty harsh so brace yourselves and please don\'t take any of this as zomg Angie hates you, just trying to help you out.

BlackKrystal-computer drawn backgrounds! /takes out squirt bottle and sprays you. Bad! I do appreciate that you tried to put backgrounds in but it just looks so still and lifeless. I\'m guilty of doing it in the past but it\'s best to avoid doing that because everyone can tell it was done in the computer. The buildings in the far background look snazzy so those are fine, just the foreground buildings look really flat. You\'re having a lot of trouble making your fight poses look convincing, they just all kind of look stiff. And if you want to do speedlines in photoshop I have a great tutorial for you to check out

http://project-apollo.net/howto/speedlines.html
this is a great tutorial for making basic speedlines, unfortunately it\'s very limited with what you can do. You can manipulate the lines a bit more with the transformation tools. You\'ll get the best speedlines with the program Manga Studio, but if you don\'t have the cash this is a nice substitute. But still, the speedlines will be much more professional and lively.

Be very careful with the amount of negative space you have, give us some details on those walls and floors. It looks like they\'re just fighting inside a giant white box with other white boxes around them. When the void forums go back up, there\'s some very nice topics under void university that give you exercises for giving your backgrounds more life. At least imply a texture or something, give the walls bricks, make the ground look like concrete by adding little dots. Look at James\' work and see how much personality he gives his backgrounds. And that last panel on the last page drives me crazy, if I just got drop kicked in the face I wouldn\'t just be standing there.

Uriko-I\'ve seen the stuff you\'ve done for deviantart and FA, I know you can do better than this. Drop that silver pen. Back awaaaayyy from the silver pen. Either that or go to some train tracks and throw the pen at a moving train, it reaaaaaaally flattens your work. Pick a light source and stick with it, the shadows are just all over the place and you got pretty sloppy with going out of the lines and making colors bleed together. What do you use to ink? There\'s just so much bleeding with the blacks you have to be careful with that dude.

Your panel layouts are crazy dude, I recommend coming up with a script and then thumbing the pages so you can make sure your action flows smoothly and the story is easy to read. I just don\'t know where I\'m going most of the time I\'m looking at these pages. You\'re trying to cram too much action into one page, I know you\'re obviously influenced by manga and they tend to do a lot of eye shots, but they are also very careful with the pacing of their pages. You also need to be very careful when having things coming out of the panels, I can\'t tell what\'s going on most of the time when the characters are hopping out of the panels all over the place.

And the markers, I know you can stay in the lines, I\'ve seen you do it. This fight looks very sloppy because of it. Take your time and show us what you\'re capable of. Also work on making an actual story, start considering what it is you want to do with this character. As it stands I have no attachment to this character, it\'s just some random girl attacking someone. Who is she? Why should the viewer care about her? I know it\'s your first fight and most of us including myself all like to do a snazzy pointless fight scene to strut our stuff, just think about this kind of stuff in the future.

Take more time on your next fight, both of you. I can tell you\'re both capable of a lot more than this. I\'m trying to help both of you because I had the same issues with my first fight and hearing this kind of thing helped me a lot on my second.

Kal aMari
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49 comments
# 21   Posted: Nov 23 2006, 12:49 AM
Alright, I had a nice long comment going, and then something happened and it got lost.  So, from the top...

Hmm...
hmm...
HMMMMM....

Alright, here\'s my take.  

BK:  I find your lack of speech bubbles quite disturbing, especially given the very first lines in the comic change color because of the background.  If you\'re not going to use speech bubbles, then leave a spot in the background open for where you\'re going to put the words.  Also, your backgrounds (when they exist) are pretty boring.  A clean, empty street with no lights on anywhere in the city save street lights?  You go to New York or Chicago, and you will NEVER see that.  Add some detail; if it\'s a dar backroad no one uses, throw in some trash, a little dirt, maybe even a hobo or two.  You\'d be surprised what a little background detail can add to a comic.  Next up, the poses.  They\'re...blah.  Stiff.  Not fluid or lifelike.  Running, punching, jumping, they all look like they\'re just...standing.  Standing poses are relatively fine, but I think your action poses need a lot of work.  Like, say, Jaret\'s kick in the last page.  He looks like he\'s leaning against a wall, not about to deliver a strong kick to the face.  Storywise...like Dingo said, there\'s not much going on.  The basic plot of \"guy tries to steal chick\'s money\" isn\'t necessarily the problem.  It\'s all in the presentation and...well, there\'s not much here in that respect.  Nothing really happens.

Uriko:  I\'d have to say that yours were the better pages overall.  However...I see a lot of room for improvement.  Biggest complaint here:  too many dramatic closeups.  It gets a little confusing at times.  The lineart looks messier than I\'ve seen you do.  I\'m losing my train of thought, so sorry I can\'t offer a better crit right now.  x_x

Both:  Work on y\'all\'s stories.  Or, rather, work on y\'all\'s storytellings; any cliche\'d story can be great with the right telling.  Reading these pages was...rather boring.  Yeah, real helpful hint, I know.   Unfortunately, though, there\'s no brief, two-step process to fixing it; you just gotta practice.  Maybe try laying down the script of your stories on paper first, then going over it like you would a prose story.

Overall, I\'ve seen both of you do better still shots, and it shows.  The better scenes in both comics, IMO, are just of Jaret and Vodka either standing or doing something similar.  Try experimenting in some more advanced poses.  And...make it interesting!  You feel something when you think of it; you should feel the same when you\'ve written and drawn it out.

I know both of y\'all can do better than this.  Improve on it, and do better in your next fights.

D6016
Artist
icon
89 comments
# 20   Posted: Nov 22 2006, 11:40 PM
I was waiting for Vodka\'s first match.
But i was hoping for a little more story out of both of ya.

Jaret: Ya had more story, and ya did show off a bit more personality then Vodka. Artistically you where close but some time needs to be spent on the backgrounds, It was hard to tell whether he was running into an alleyway or another poll X3 well, i wasnt even sure if he hit a poll the first time.

Vodka: Umm, next to no story, Which is kinda lame. Superior art through, but I found it hard to follow the panels during the action, And i was horribly confused when she grabbed his knee, I actually thought it was his face at first... and the scene was kinda plain, its would be nice to see things further in the background. There was The Idea of personality there, which is fun :3 and it was a little more humorous.

In the end my Vote goes to vodka, she won me over with the art.

Dingo
Artist
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276 comments
# 19   Posted: Nov 22 2006, 05:25 PM
ehhh....
not to sound mean or anything, but both of these comics bored the hell outta me  :[

BK - yeah....i\'m kinda glad yours didn\'t have much text coz if it didn i don\'t think i\'d have read it. no story at all.....veeerrryyy dull. i woulda given you higher points if you had the whole thing coloured, but.....eh...your colouring style doesn\'t seem that difficult, so i don\'t see what stopped you from getting it all done, especially with a month drawing time?! well, better than your other fights, but still needs a lot of improvement.

uriko, same thing with you. completely boring comic. no real story at all. your character gets tripped and then beats the shit outta the guy?
i mean....yeah, this is your first fight and you\'re just getting your character established, but you coulda done a lot more with this  :\\   hopefully your next fight will have a little bit more to it. a lot of your panels were cluttered and confusing. i mean, yeah i got the basic idea that she was beating the crap outta him, but other than that, the movements were completely......fuck.
props for turning in something complete though.

Wei Ingnan
Artist
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597 comments
# 18   Posted: Nov 22 2006, 12:18 PM
*sigh* deadline is for submisson it doesn\'t mean that is when it is to be posted simply when it is to submitted to site....there was a neccesary delay in the posting of this fight after it was submitted and then the site went down......the comics will be posted shortly

Kal aMari
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49 comments
# 17   Posted: Nov 20 2006, 11:20 PM
No <3 for Phill vs. Gum?  Or Seel vs. Orange?

I\'m disappointed in you, K-er, Enaxon.

Enaxon
Artist
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27 comments
# 16   Posted: Nov 20 2006, 11:08 PM
Well, there was 2 matches I was looking forward to, this and Shredd vs. P2. And Silverlimit.Shredd defaulted, so my itty bitty heart\'s broken.

Either way, I saw Uriko\'s pages. Guys, you\'re in for a treat.

Kal aMari
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49 comments
# 15   Posted: Nov 19 2006, 10:57 PM
*eats hot sauce*

Probably gonna be after the Phill/Gum fight goes up, which depends on...whatever minor delay Wei\'s dealing with.

Man, some good matches ready to be posted...

Enaxon
Artist
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27 comments
# 14   Posted: Nov 19 2006, 12:11 PM
WHERE IS MAH BATTLE?

I want some hot sauce with this >:U

Blitzbitz
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5 comments
# 13   Posted: Nov 18 2006, 05:14 AM
18 hours to go!! EEE!!

Blackkrystal
Artist
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37 comments
# 12   Posted: Nov 18 2006, 12:21 AM
I HAVE ONE DAY TO FINISH TWO PAGEEEEEEES D: I\'ll be amazed if I finish it completely.

Kal aMari
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49 comments
# 11   Posted: Nov 13 2006, 02:16 PM
Alright, less than a week to go!  Can\'t wait!

DelBarrio
Artist
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426 comments
# 10   Posted: Nov 4 2006, 09:28 PM
Ba-da-BOOM baby~

Kal aMari
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49 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 27 2006, 04:03 PM
That...we shall see.

And please...no half-assed work.  =D

Toxic Toothpick
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132 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 26 2006, 11:03 PM
This shall most certianly be....*ahem*...as the kids these days now say.........THE FUCKING SHIT!!!

Blitzbitz
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5 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 24 2006, 05:18 PM
OMG! YES URIKO IS GOING IN!! YAY!!I\'m so excited for this fight ^_^

Blackkrystal
Artist
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37 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 23 2006, 06:03 AM
>:D Good luck Uriko, though I\'m puttin\' everything I\'ve got into this one. I\'m sick of seeing the 0 Wins 3 Losses on my page D:

Enaxon
Artist
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27 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 22 2006, 03:20 PM
YESYESYESYESYES

I\'m getting a metaphorical erection just thinking about it >:D

NO HALF ASSED ENTRIES EITHER OF YOU. YOU\'RE BOTH TALENTED UP THE ASS

Kal aMari
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49 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 22 2006, 10:12 AM
Hooray, it\'s Vodka\'s first match!  The punkass vs. the psychobitch, can\'t wait!

Hero Karma
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51 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 22 2006, 07:55 AM
Elf ears vs. freakin huge ears!

Neoriceisgood
Artist
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74 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 22 2006, 06:37 AM
Good luck on your first battle Uriko!

I\'ll be expecting some nudity from your siddeeee.

Dingo
Artist
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276 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 22 2006, 01:00 AM
GO BIG EARS GO.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Nov 29th, 2006
Votes Cast: 45
Page Views: 484
Winner:

 

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