Mona-Lisa vs. Lawson

Mona-Lisa vs. Lawson

48.4%
269 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10

Crit level: No preference

51.6%
287 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: lawson, mona-lisa



Critiques & Comments
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Pennydox
Artist
icon
235 comments
# 10   Posted: May 9 2019, 11:05 PM
Without absolutely no context of both characters (I'm just reading random comics atm), I think you both did fabulous on establishing who their are, what their personality is, and what their goal is in the comic. Really great writing, congrats on both of you! Keep up the great work!

 MRPR1993: One thing I'd like to point out in your entire comic was how difficult it was to discern where panels begin and end, since the entire comic was very dark, and the background and borders were black. Just something to think about in the future. You could change up the color of the lineart to a dark-blue to make it a little easier, or just make the borders white with a black line instead. All sorts of different ways to do it, and I encourage you to explore all the ones you can think of, if this is the style and color pallate you want to continue for your future comics.

OBERGOAT: Your comic, on the other hand, is very blue. I think it might have been better with the background being white, since a lot of the panels are blue already. In the future, you should consider concentrating a little more on where some panels may benefit from a more detailed background, as well as consider adding in speedlines when certain actions are established. Another thing is that comic panels don't have to be so evenly spaced out on the page--you can make certain tranistions of panels go faster or slower just by making the panels closer or father away from each other. In general, panels that go horizontally are usually closer together, while panels that are on top of each other are further away from each other, to indicate to the reader that they should continue reading the comic all the way from left to right before going to the panel underneath.  

ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
icon
178 comments
# 9   Posted: Apr 21 2019, 11:52 PM
MrPR: those textures worked really well and you're getting better with backgrounds, just gotta keep working on them and they will keep getting better. My main crit is with the personality changes, we see Lawson remark how she looks smaller but we don't really see the difference. I think you need to focus more on her body changing when her personality does. on Page 4 when she changes all we see is her face and the only changes there are in the eyeliner which we don't see most of the time Lisa is in control since her eyes tend to always be fully open. When she's changing we should be seeing segments of the body lengthening and her outfit changing so we as the viewer can tell they changed without having to be told they changed. I also don't think they're figures are different enough, both are figure glass toons but one is slightly more exaggerated, which makes it hard to notice the change in shots that aren't fullbody. Maybe you should experiment with their design a bit making them more different or changing some things to make it obvious when one is control. I would recommend studying Doppio from Jojo's bizarre adventure since that character is a good example of how to do the split personality transformation.

Obergoat: My favorite part about this comic is your color choices, I really liked how well they worked together. While this total cell shading works better than your hatching from before I would like to see you experiment with it some rather than completely abandon it since I feel like the art lacks texture. I do also enjoy the story and like seeing him struggle and ultimatly just get lucky with this and look forward to see where Lawson goes form here.

Shen
Global Moderator
icon
1266 comments
# 8   Posted: Apr 18 2019, 04:14 PM
MrPr: I think your colors are improving for one, I liked they layouts on the first page! you have a better sense of atmosphere without oversaturating, and the colours marry together better compared to previous comics. Theres better composition too, more exciting angles and an improving directional flow. Lawson was really well written but i agree that the story is a tad cliche. I will forive this though since its MonaLisa's debut battle so you'll wanna get teh jeckyll-Hyde dynamic established and out of the way, as long as you can be more creative with it going forward. Biggest bother was how blank the hallways looked on the last page. At least some doors or windows or somethin.

Obergoat: Much better shading on this one! the cell shading works better for your style of comics. I like the overall blue and yellow tones as well, its not so overly saturated as to blind, especially when the red is thrown in so instead it hits just the right impacts. I also really liked seeing Lawson get defeated at the end. superheroes gotta win, but they gotta lose sometimes too, and MonaLisa's power played well into Lawson's weaknesses. Glad to see the dynamic angles, especially the running around on rooftops, but after about page 2, the backgrounds sort of vanish. backgrounds are a common weakness around here XD but a good rule is to try and throw at least one decent establishing shot into each page. This will also be good to force you to pull the camera back a bit more, not so many closeups and midshots.
GOOD WORK MY DUDES!!!

TheCydork
Artist
icon
7 comments
# 7   Posted: Apr 18 2019, 09:54 AM
MrPr: Good parts first! The quality of the comic is decent, and I like how you tried to incorporate lots of different angles. I also really liked the exaggerated expressions, particularly on Mona-Lisa (the one where she held the gun up was my favourite). They made the comic enjoyable.

However I couldn’t score you high in creativity because I feel like the comic was quite cliche. I’ve seen many characters with “split” personality disorders in which one half is murderous, who talks to themself. I’ve seen the same story beats too - the “damn they’re alive” moment and the fighting themself moment. Cliches aren’t a bad thing in and of themself but you play them completely straight and don’t try anything new with them. Mona-Lisa’s very cool ability to control ink felt under-utilised compared to how OberGoat portrayed it - there are so many things one can do with such an ability, why just make a gun or an axe? In addition it was kind of distracting that Lawson has a kind of “standard” human shape while Mona-Lisa just appears as a stick with a large chest and butt at times.

OberGoat: I honestly don’t have much to say except I liked how creative you got with Mona-Lisa’s ink abilities! I also thought it was neat that you tied in her attack with Lawson’s fear of drowning.

BoogidiBzdo
Artist
icon
17 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 17 2019, 03:47 PM
@MrPr: I like the texturing you have going on with your colors, it  gives the overall mood this grittiness to it. Page 5 was my favorite because the action there was really funny. Also enjoyable were the varied camera angles you chose, especially throughout page 2.

@OberGoat: You sure did pack a lot of action into this comic. The dialogue was humorous and you've got a unique blend of action and comedy in your comic. I liked how you depicted Mona-Lisa's ink attacks and Lawson's monologuing was hilarious.

Good job to both of you on these full-color comics!

OberGoat
Artist
icon
26 comments
# 5   Posted: Apr 16 2019, 08:43 PM
Now that I'm home from work I can throw my own two cents in...

MrPr: Thank you for accepting my challenge! This was a great comic, I knew you'd be a worthy opponent and you did not disappoint. Your comic was very well paced and the fight scenes were well choreographed. You also conveyed Lawson's speed way better than I have in any of my comics thus far and I loved the blue lightning effect behind him! Any critiques I have would be limited to just echoing what Heathen said below me, so, yeah. I also find it kinda funny that you included a bit where Lawson freaks out over thinking he killed her, as I almost included a near identical scene in mine right after he slams her head into the ground, it sadly got cut for time.

Heathen: Firstly, thank you! I'm looking forward to continuing to tell his story secondly, I completely agree with you about conveying his speed and teleportation, it's something I plan to work on going forward.

And now a little bit of self critique: I did not give myself anywhere near enough time to color this, and the entire comic suffered for it, a lot of my backgrounds were much more fleshed out in the original roughs that got simplified for time and I never got to go through a touching up phase.

Heathen
Artist
icon
295 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 16 2019, 06:45 PM
MrPr: This was one of your better action comics, but some poor framing and wonky dialogue hold it back. You've obviously got the time management to complete a fully colored comic, so I urge you to have your scripts proofread, I really think you'll see higher scores.

Obergoat: This comic was bad ass. I think your choice of speed effects could use some work, as the "pop" sound effect and dust cloud don't read as speed so much as somewhat goofy teleportation. I love your characterization of both fighters, and how you effectively put Lawson in danger. Major props for having your character lose the fight. I can't wait to follow Lawson as he matures into the superhero he surely will be.

JCee
Artist
icon
356 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 25 2019, 02:54 AM
Fun match-up!

Desichan
Think Tank
icon
179 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 24 2019, 04:59 PM
hYPE

Shen
Global Moderator
icon
1266 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 24 2019, 03:54 PM
Good Luck!!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Apr 22nd, 2019
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 616
Winner: OberGoat
 

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