Sumiko Nakatomi vs. Egg Dealer

Sumiko Nakatomi vs. Egg Dealer

293 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference

380 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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# 14   Posted: Sep 6 2018, 10:34 AM
Thank you to everyone for your feedback. I appreciate it a lot. I'll be working on making more improvements to my art based on what everyone said. I am so happy you all enjoyed my comic. :)

The Bent One
# 13   Posted: Sep 3 2018, 03:16 PM
Yarnwitch: I think this could have been more interesting if it was expanded into a longer comic. It looks rushed, although you were doing 2 comics at once so I can’t really fault you for that. I like the insinuation that the Egg Dealer was just some random guy who took the place of the professor and passed out eggs. I can’t critique the art very well since it’s basically just rough pencils. I’d say that the best thing about this comic is the condensed story. In 3 pages, you only have so much room to tell a complete story without reverting to a silent comic. I think it was a good use of your opponent’s character and keeping him as weird as he should be.

Boogi: This is really great. You should be proud of yourself for getting this much done for your first comic on the site in 3 weeks. I love how weird it is, with no real context or canon to worry about. Just the Egg Dealer turning people into eggs. The art feels really loose and fun. I would like to see more variation in line weight, and more attention given to the backgrounds. Your style almost feels it could be improved with more attention to detail, but staying with the dynamic poses and wacky expressions. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure comes to mind. If you aren’t already aware of it, I would highly suggest taking a look at the manga both for style inspiration and for the gung-ho insanity of the story. My main advice to you is to work on refining your style and practicing your line art. I look forward to learning more about this “new state of consciousness inside the egg”.

# 12   Posted: Sep 2 2018, 11:51 PM
Yarn: Cute interaction, but not a ton going on here. The Egg Dealer tasking her with the classic "care for an egg" scenario was very clever though, but other than that, pretty one note.

Boog: Holy fuck man, echoing what was said previously, this comic was so wacky and fun and ambitious, and there's lore - you've got EGG LORE. That's the kind of stuff that takes an idea from something merely zany to something really interesting. The pacing is also quite good here, there's some great buildup, and I think you did very good justice to Sumiko - you really captured the character here.

Art wise, what i'd focus on is light and shading. You do have some shading going on, but it's more in the realm of superficial shading, IE shading for the sake of it being there. A lot of time it's hard to tell where the light source is, and if there is a clear one, it's not used very effectively. For instance, the first panel on page 10 when Egg Dealer leans over the freshly egg-ified Sumiko is composed well, but with the giant moon in the background you missed a great chance to have Dealer be silhouetted by its light, which would cast him in shadow and making him look even more imposing. Also with Sumiko's concert, the spotlights that are there would cast a much more contrasting, direct light source, and by having a brightly lit Sumiko and a darkened crowd, it would not only feel more like a concert but would look nicer.

Keep Egg-xecuting fantastic comics like this!

# 11   Posted: Aug 29 2018, 09:47 AM
@ ArtsandGoodies: Thank you for your critique. Yeah, I'm going to change the font by my next battle. I use Clip Studio paint  with the balloon pen to manually draw the speech bubbles.
Good point about future battles, I'm going to try to balance it out more so that the opponent does put up a fight.
Thank you for your input! I'm glad you enjoyed my comic too.

Think Tank
# 10   Posted: Aug 28 2018, 09:34 PM
Yarn: While this was very short I did like the interactions between her and chas and i look forward to seeing more of them hanging out in future comics. I don't have much else to say.

Boogidibzdo: I love how over the top you didn't just make Egg dealer but sumiko's concert. The detail of their being a cool detection meter is a hilarious touch. also adding on to the egg dealer showing what happens when someone gets sent to the egg dimension. In terms of quality the main thing I can say is change the font, while this is a crazy over the top comic the basic font drags it down since seeing that font reminds me of a school essay and not a comic. There are plently of good free fonts you can get and use from sites like blambot and 1001 fonts so i would recommend taking some time to browse through them and find one you like. It would be even more awesome if you could find two fonts, one that egg dealer speaks with and another for everyone else making him stand out as the weird character he is. Also you need to work on making your speech bubbles more consistent so they're not distracting. What art program are you using since most have a tool to make bubbles, or at least an elipse tool you can use to make a round bubble and fill it with white with a black border.
In terms or writing I do also hope you add some more variation in your fights and future opponents are able to put up more of a fight so it doesn't become stale. Like i would love to see a Jojo stlye esque battle between egg dealer and an opponent who also fights back using over the top attacks and both sides trying to find new ridiculous ways to take the advantage in the battle.

# 9   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 09:44 PM
@Yarn: I enjoyed reading your comic very much. The dialogue was really funny!
Thank you for taking the time to battle me. I'm glad you like my comic, it brings me joy to hear that.

@mortooncian: Thank you for your comment and tip about the coloring, I appreciate your input very much. Such an in depth and very positive critique, I'm very happy about it.

@Energy: Thanks a bunch! Yes, 11 pages within the deadline sure is a milestone for me! Last year it would take me at least a week  just to get 1 page fully realized, but now I'm new and improved!
To answer your question about the last 2 pages: The green stuff is the color of the sky within the egg realm. The liquid covering the floor is egg yolk.

# 8   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 08:25 PM
Yarn - Maybe it's just me, but I feel it could've used a few more pages to get this story moving.  Or, at least, I would've liked to know why The Egg Dealer introduced himself as Sumiko and Chas's teacher, and exactly what class he taught (Eggology class?).

Boogidi - Your first battle and you managed 11 pages.  That should be considered an achievement in and of itself.  Anyway, you could spend a little time refining your anatomy a bit.  The idea of him crashing Sumiko's concert and turning everyone into eggs was pretty hilarious.  One question, though.  What the heck is all that green stuff in the last two pages?  Mucus?  Slime?  Something else entirely?

# 7   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 12:56 PM

I was extremely pleased by this comic! I felt it was paced really well, especially for being a first battle-- keep it up!! You'll be destroying everyone soon enough (turning them into eggs, as it were). Continue giving your 100% like this, and people will notice, because I can tell there was a lot of love put into planning this.

The premise of the victims being sucked into a surreal egg hell-dimension was-- was very unexpected, and I'm so pleased. I'm so pleased with this comic, being as good as it was.

Page 9 is my favorite especially, because like... let's be real, you aren't going to take a madman yelling about eggs super seriously, but there's actual tension in this page. I love it.

The color direction is strongest in the last two pages, because its the sickly-egg-world, but I'd suggest for next time to focus on unifying your pallettes (as in, if its a mostly green page, incorporate greener tones into everything else)! And as you draw people-- you're already starting to get better-- your anatomy will improve drastically as well.

I focus more on the writing critique over the actual technique, so, I insist: good job!!


So, I really liked the plot point of Egg Dealer being the school teacher who gives the students eggs to look after: it was clever, and I felt a really good way to incorporate his character with Sumiko's schoolgirl plotline.

Aside from that... unfortunately, nothing really happens. No conflict or events happen.

I feel your time management got the better of you-- for future reference, don't do two one weekers at once, because, well, this happens. It's alright, just, as they say, 'choose your battles'.

Think Tank
# 6   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 08:24 AM
Food for thought! We know arakhs have live births! But do jorougumo? If she's broken out of an egg once, will she again? Ohohoho~
(No really, this comic makes me so happy, thank you boogi!)

Think Tank
# 5   Posted: Aug 27 2018, 08:12 AM
Oh wow! I'm sorry for such a short comic on my part. i did not expect things to unravel as they did, but man, i'm still super excited to have been first fight! Thank you for putting up with me, boogidibzdo! Your comic is amazing! I love this!!

      Edited Aug 27 2018,  08:15 AM by yarnwitch

The Bent One
# 4   Posted: Aug 23 2018, 05:21 PM
Eggs, eggs, who wants eggs?

Think Tank
# 3   Posted: Jul 30 2018, 05:53 PM

Astro Sean
Approval Committee
# 2   Posted: Jul 30 2018, 08:42 AM
So it begins

# 1   Posted: Jul 29 2018, 04:14 PM
Oh hell yes

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Sep 3rd, 2018
Votes Cast: 19
Page Views: 1326
Winner: BoogidiBzdo

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