Dao vs. The Spectrum

Dao vs. The Spectrum

49.7%
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference

50.3%
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Crit level: No preference
tags: battle, Dao, the spectrum



Critiques & Comments
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Iced Tea
Artist
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59 comments
# 13   Posted: Apr 6 2013, 03:07 PM
Thank you everyone! Even while working on my next battle I've been keeping your advice in mind. I hope to be able to add to my comics each time I battle, no matter how little at a time.

Thank you again AJ for the battle, I'm glad we got to make it happen despite the scheduling troubles we had!

Mister Kent
Artist
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939 comments
# 12   Posted: Apr 5 2013, 09:59 PM
Both of these comics felt a little sparse to me, a little too empty, visually. Either some line variation or some more solid shadows would have helped add depth. Also, its a shame we couldn't see the end of these tales.

Fai - I agree with Puzzle about the 2 point perspective. I'd like to see more varied angles, like you used on page 2. I like your clean style, and I hope you can develop it further!

AJ - Nice to see Spectrum back in action! Your style is very ambitious, and I see you trying a lot of techniques, which is great (Cool perspective on page 4!). What I'd like to see next is some polish/a more finished look--take your time, and make sure you've got your next comic tidy. Taking care of even little things, like making sure you can't see the Xs on the black fields, can really spruce up things. Can't wait to see more.

alberto311
Artist
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349 comments
# 11   Posted: Apr 1 2013, 09:17 PM
Good job guys!

Puzzlething
Artist
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457 comments
# 10   Posted: Apr 1 2013, 10:04 AM
Faiface - I feel like the huge amount of gutter space in between each panel really slows down your action, and while it doesn't matter too much when it's just some guys talking, it makes the pacing feel odd when the situation gets a little more exciting.

       Your constant use of 1 point perspective also kills the action, and makes you environments feel static and lifeless. Make sure you mix 2 point in there, the diagonals involved makes it feel more interesting and engaging. Also, don't be afraid to draw your background up to your figure. If you need to just draw them on a separate layers and erase what you need too.

  BACKFLIPPING WEREWOLF YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

AJ - Sucks that you didn't get to finish dude, it'd be nice to see a polished comic in your style.

    Your line gets  little hairy some places, most often the backgrounds, and Dao's proportions change from panel to panel. Try keeping a reference image of the characters around while you're working, and refer back to it often.

Iced Tea
Artist
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59 comments
# 9   Posted: Mar 31 2013, 12:06 PM
No Pyras, we didn't. :'D

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1392 comments
# 8   Posted: Mar 30 2013, 01:46 PM
argh, did you guys coordinate to make both end just as the fights were starting? XD

Iced Tea
Artist
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59 comments
# 7   Posted: Mar 30 2013, 01:08 PM
I aplogize for the lightness of my comic. I should have considered that other people's monitors may be adjusted brighter than mine; next time I'll use a darker color! I'll also state that I had issues with time and maybe should have posted the rest of the script (those things are embarrassing though :C).

Thank you LeFred and Shen for your critique, you've brought up excellent points so far.

Shen
Global Moderator
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1240 comments
# 6   Posted: Mar 30 2013, 11:49 AM
all of these comics got cut off right as things were about to get interesting, I feel like I didn't learn a thing =\ Faiface, I like your nice lines, but I agree with LeFred that I would consider a darker choice, you can keep them coloured, but maybe not so light? You drew a damn cool Spectrum but Dao still kinds of seems to lack character, I don't feel like he stands out very much. But that can be fixed by just drawing him in more and more comics! AJ, yours looked like an awesome martial arts comic, it was cool! I liked all the perspectives, though some anatomy was slightly off, like when he was "falling", when he landed and one leg was sticking up, maybe the thigh should have been overlapping the calf a bit more, and the calf a smidge smaller. But there were some VERY cool shots, I just wish I could have read more! ...of EITHER of these haha!

Fred v2.0.1
Artist
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467 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 30 2013, 09:13 AM
Face. First of all, those lines are way pale, dude. I mean, I'm a big fan of colored lines, but not when it becomes detrimental to reading. I thought the word bubbles were a bit big and I'm thinking maybe it would be unreadable at a smaller size with that color? There's also a margin around the words that might not be optimal, probably there because you seem to be using elipse shapes? As nice as perfect elipses are, making the bubble shape to match the words is not a crime. Or I think there's a way to make the text fit perfectly in an elipse shape? Maybe look into that. Despite that, I liked the pacing of the dialogue on the first page. Except maybe the last thing Mr.Smith says, I think you could have broken it up for better effect, because that's not something you'd usually say all in one breath. Ah, and I just noticed the little smoke tentacle creeping up behind him, nice. For Dao's text on second page, same thing as I just said. Ellipses (the other kind) are not quite enough to convey the pause in the thought process, I think. Also, since he's a sword projecting a human figure, shouldn't the thought bubble emanate from the sword? Just saying. At first, I wasn't sure what had happened to Mr.Smith. You do have his hand there, but it's in the wrong corner, because when I read this, I look at Dao, I move down to the black mass of the spectrum, and then I go down-left to the next panel, basically skipping the corner where the hand is. And then Dao looks like he's shouting "MISTER SMITH!" AT the spectrum, which only furthered my confusion. You could easily fix this by reversing the composition of the panel, or showing Smith's body after the shout, or whatever other way you can think of, it's an easy fix. Oh, and I'm usually not a fan of straight line tools for backgrounds, but I think you managed to include enough chance and subtle hand drawn things in there to have a good balance of structure and natural flow, so good job on that!  It's a shame you didn't get more done, I was interested by this introduction.

AJ. I'm going to guess that this is easier to understand with the script written in, but right now there are things that I just have no idea what. Like page2, what's that even doing there? No idea. I mean, writting stuff in with a bad font and slaping with no smart arengement would still be better and shouldn't take very long. (and choosing a nice font is only a few seconds more) But at least, you seem to have a strong sense of storytelling, because even though I don't know why things are going on, I do know what is on. It's nice to want to do something big, but in a week, you don't have that much time and I'd rather have seen this finished. I would really have liked to see more details in the background. You managed to convey the essence of it and I get we're in some sort of post-apocalyptic setting, but it's pretty empty. Again, in a week, take on some less pages but make them awesome pages. I did notice some odd anatomy on Dao (I guess odd anatomy on the spectrum wouldn't really show) the biggest example being when he's in his bed; It looks like everything over the middle ribs has just been inflated, so his head torso and arms look too big for the bottom half and there is not enough belly space. Also the nose is very droopy, which is something that comes back in several panels, where the nose just ends too low on the face, this panel being the worst case of  it, as it's not only a misplacement of the nose but straight-up shaped like it's going down. I do so Like you action poses, though. You better not be lying when you say you'll be finishing this, because I do want to know why these things are going on.

Red
Council
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635 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 30 2013, 08:24 AM
BACKFLIPPING WEREWOLF. Real comment to come soon, I just needed to exclaim that.

AJ 武士龍
Artist
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63 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 30 2013, 12:10 AM
I've uploaded mine too.

Fai, thank you for the oportunity to make this battle possible,
due to be 1 week battle, i had a hard time trying to conciliate my job with this project, that's why i've only uploaded half the comic ( it will be concluded ASAP! ), also i didn´t insert the script ( time management issues once again ) :/

After a couple sleepless nights + too many red bull, i'm going sleep mode now!

AJ!

      Edited Mar 30 2013,  12:46 PM by AJ 武士龍

Iced Tea
Artist
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59 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 29 2013, 10:36 PM
I've uploaded my pages.

Hiemie
Artist
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511 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 22 2013, 11:09 PM
HAha the spectrum.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Apr 5th, 2013
Votes Cast: 16
Page Views: 774
Winner: Iced Tea

 

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