Purpose / Matilda White
Critiques & Comments
# 4
Posted:
Jul 7 2017, 06:50 AM
I really like the worldbuilding you've done in this! I hope we get to find out more about this strange group of subway dwellers helping Matilda. I think most of the critiques I would give have already been mentioned by others. I'd especially reinforce Pita's comment about text-size. It's best to choose a readable font size and then use the same size text in every speech-bubble and caption throughout the comic (except in very special cases like a character yelling). It will make the comic look cleaner and more readable. You have a good sense of spot-blacks and I hope you continue to develop your use of black space in page composition. Can't wait to see more from Matilda!
# 3
Posted:
Jul 6 2017, 02:46 PM
Good to see you continuing to work right after admission.
This is speaking from experience with making NPC sidekick/minions/allies: for me, the core weakness of this comic is the introduction of so many characters; we just got introduced to Matilda and actually most of what we know about what kind of person Matilda is has mostly been seen in random doodles on chat, and before we've gotten a chance to attach to Matilda now we've gotta keep track of 3-4 other folks in the background who aren't even in her character sheet. It gives the impression of being a chore; I would recommend to focus more on Matilda in future comics so we care about her enough. I think these NPCs can wait before they get more spotlight
(in my experience: I had failed NPCs following Arena around for a while which was a learning experience. In Miller's case the rest of the Vektran NPC cast didn't appear until 5 comics later)
Can't wait to see your next battle
This is speaking from experience with making NPC sidekick/minions/allies: for me, the core weakness of this comic is the introduction of so many characters; we just got introduced to Matilda and actually most of what we know about what kind of person Matilda is has mostly been seen in random doodles on chat, and before we've gotten a chance to attach to Matilda now we've gotta keep track of 3-4 other folks in the background who aren't even in her character sheet. It gives the impression of being a chore; I would recommend to focus more on Matilda in future comics so we care about her enough. I think these NPCs can wait before they get more spotlight
(in my experience: I had failed NPCs following Arena around for a while which was a learning experience. In Miller's case the rest of the Vektran NPC cast didn't appear until 5 comics later)
Can't wait to see your next battle
# 2
Posted:
Jul 6 2017, 09:31 AM
i see that mathilda is more..."grey"? harmony is a grey subject: does that mean she wanna eliminates what she see as menaces? Or will she seek peaceful solutions?
# 1
Posted:
Jul 2 2017, 04:11 PM
This is some good progression for Matilda. I'd like to see how she intends to bring harmony into this chaotic place.
Some things to take note of--
- Font size is important. It needs to be large enough for the reader to read without it taking over the panel. There are a few times where the font is easy to read, but other times it was super small and I needed to squint a bit to understand what was written.
- Find someone who will help proof your dialog. There are many missing apostrophes on your possessives and contractions.
- Push the range of emotions Matilda has. Her face has been mostly static these past two strips. If she's confused or bewildered, we need to see that in her face and not just in the dialog.
- This may be a nitpick, but the characters' mouths appear tight-lipped when saying their dialog, especially on pages 6-9. Open those mouths--it adds more to the delivery and to the characters themselves if we see how they're saying their lines.
- Extra note: Consider the "fireman's carry" the next time Matilda aids a fallen citizen. It's a small touch, but it shows knowledge in the technique combat medics perform when on site.
Some things to take note of--
- Font size is important. It needs to be large enough for the reader to read without it taking over the panel. There are a few times where the font is easy to read, but other times it was super small and I needed to squint a bit to understand what was written.
- Find someone who will help proof your dialog. There are many missing apostrophes on your possessives and contractions.
- Push the range of emotions Matilda has. Her face has been mostly static these past two strips. If she's confused or bewildered, we need to see that in her face and not just in the dialog.
- This may be a nitpick, but the characters' mouths appear tight-lipped when saying their dialog, especially on pages 6-9. Open those mouths--it adds more to the delivery and to the characters themselves if we see how they're saying their lines.
- Extra note: Consider the "fireman's carry" the next time Matilda aids a fallen citizen. It's a small touch, but it shows knowledge in the technique combat medics perform when on site.
Beyond Battle
Drawing Time:
1 week
Ended:
Jul 8th, 2017
Votes Cast:
13
Page Views:
1234
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Community Manager
I like that you are putting a lot of effort into your comics. Really the only way you're going to improve is to put in effort and you get that effort back. I like that you make various attempts at backgrounds and perspectives. What I'm going to recommend to you is something I struggled with when I first joined: limit your page count. It's great that you have ambition and a story to tell. But there is also something to be learned about economy of storytelling and being able to tell tight stories in a few pages. And most of all I'm recommending this to you so that you will spend more time on your pages and tighten them up.
You're going for a lot of detail but the biggest problem is here is that it gets to be too confusing for the reader's eyes. Look up tips and tricks about composition and about creating flow. You want to guide your reader's eye through the story. And there is a lack of focus here. Everything is just lines with no focus. You're detailing and adding negative space for the hell of it. You need to better utilize that negative space to bring focus on what you want people to focus on. And your inconsistent use of shadow only further muddles things.
For example let's look at that street scene on page 1. There's several problems here. If we start with the construction of it, the horizon line is fine but you're not placing objects in relation to it in a good way. The way you've placed Matilda's head right under the horizon line is creating a tangent. And in compositions, tangent lines are something you want to avoid because they're basically visual irritations. The whole composition of this panel is off as it's difficult to figure out where our focus should be. Don't be afraid to use reference when composing scenes like this. Your figures are all on the same exact plane which is just kinda weird. You've got no separation between your foreground, middle and background. There are several techniques for achieving this. In your case, I think you will benefit from using line variation. Basically things that are closer to us will use bigger, bolder lines and things that are further will use smaller thinner lines. This creates the illusion of depth because of how we're used to perceiving objects. Digital artists will sometimes opt to use different methods. Some will use lighter lines for backgrounds. If you look at Petarvee's work on the site, he doesn't use line variation and instead uses different methods of composition and color to separate these planes. And like that some artists, just rely on color which personally I think is not a great method. If you look at anime, most anime uses painted lineless static backgrounds while using thin black lines for their characters to separate them out.
And since you're using digital you're using a lot of straight lines in your art. The thing is these lines look unnatural when compared to the lines you use for your characters. It creates a dissonance that only enhances your weaknesses. So try doing more natural linework, don't rely on line tool or whatever tool to make these straight lines. Real life isn't so clean cut, so things look natural when there is a raggedness to it. And it'll look better when compared to your character art.
Your character art. For your linework practice not lifting up your pen. Practice long smooth and natural strokes. A lot of your lines are just kinda rough. So don't start and stop when you're in the middle of a curve, keep going, don't lift up that pen. Erase it and do it again if you have to. With your faces, you suffer from what's commonly known as long face syndrome. The faces don't fit proportionately on the face. Your noses are too long and the eyes are too high up on the head. Your skull shapes are flat and you don't give enough space for a forehead. These things will come in time with practice but its best to be aware of your weaknesses. The only thing I can tell you is something you're going to hear alot and that is practice basic anatomy. You strengthen your fundamentals, you get to break the rules in ways that feel natural.
Typography is something a lot of people struggle with. It may take you awhile to find a font that meshes naturally with your style. Keep at it, keep experimenting, keep trying new stuff out. You need a good size for your font that's legible and you need to center the words more naturally in the balloons. Fit the balloons around the words and not stuff the words into the balloons.
It's great to see you gungho, please keep at it. My critique sounds like I hyperfocused on one panel but I did that way so you'd see some of the issues you have consistent problems with and areas you can improve in. You're doing a great job by trying to tackle this but start gathering resources and advice from people that can help you here. Andrew Loomis' books have been my favorites for studying the basics and there's so much he can teach. There's plenty to learn and that's true for all of us.