Pro-roro's Incubator

Pro-roro's Incubator
« on: Jan 07, 2019, 06:45 PM »
[Edit] Added her Bio, it's subject to change in the future
Hello everyone, thought I'd drop my first character in here for some feedback. Her design is pretty much set, but I do want to know how I could improve in any way. Any critiques would be great.

All critiques are welcomed! Thanks in advanced


Bio: Vyxen is a seasoned mercenary who's been fighting on the front lines ever since she was young. Much of her past is kept silent, as she doesn't like going into it. Only a select few whom she trusts remain know of her troubled past and the mistakes that led to her exile from the Draconian military. Putting all her time and effort into her mercenary work, she is not one to shy away from danger and will put her life on the line to keep people safe. Those who have had the pleasure of working with her have noted her courage, charisma and her ability to think on her feet with a cool head. Despite her many years of service, with the blood of many on her hands, she has been able to maintain her compassion and good sense of judgement. By no means is she perfect as she carries many scars, both mentally and physically. However, her many years of training has taught her to think objectively and not allow her emotions get the better of her.
Being of a kind and caring character, many have nicknamed her "dragon grandma". Tempered but fierce, she commands a sense of respect from many of those who she has encountered while also winning the adoration of them. More often than not from the cookies she constantly bakes for her peers.

Page 1


Page 2


Page 3


The dialogue is subject to change so I'm open to suggestions.
Thanks a lot!



« Last Edit: Jan 08, 2019, 10:29 AM by Pro-roro »

Re: Pro-roro's Incubator
« Reply #1 on: Jan 08, 2019, 10:36 AM »
I love everything about this the words are a bit hard to read but I am sure those are just a placeholder, I think the shield could be showen a bit better the bullets are hard to see reflecting off of it I didnt see it or get it on my first reading.
« Last Edit: Jan 08, 2019, 11:01 AM by Corn Of The Breads »

Re: Pro-roro's Incubator
« Reply #2 on: Jan 08, 2019, 12:19 PM »
While I think the character sheet looks great, I'd fiddle with the BG colors. Your character is so dark, placing them on top of dark colors is muddying this up for me and makes scoping out details and features difficult.

As for your comic pages, they do look promising! It's great to see the foundation work of you getting started on these. I do have a couple notes:

  • The character who's reading off a dossier looks really wooden the way you have them posed. No one really holds papers this way at a desk. Take a picture of yourself reading a sheet of paper. Be mindful of your posture. Are you leaning on an elbow? An arm rest? Is the paper flopping? Really take the time to give that panel some flavor and provide the character some personality. Also consider breaking away from what I call the sidescrolly 'Egyptian' angle on your panels. Try mixing the camera up a little. Maybe we can be viewing this scene over the shoulder, or widen the shot to take in some of the office.
  • When you take it all in, the whole exchange between your character and the one seated at the desk is all the same pose. A tight, constricted panel, with them in profile. It makes the scene look claustrophobic and makes for a boring exchange. You don't always have to focus on them during this. If they're discussing the dossier, maybe dedicate a panel with the a portion of that document showing off something relevant to the conversation at hand. If your character is nervous, or angry during this conversation, a panel showing a clenched fist might be fun. Really anything to break up the repetition of one head two head, one head two head.


Those are really the things that stick out to me. Definitely wish you luck on your progress!

Re: Pro-roro's Incubator
« Reply #3 on: Jan 08, 2019, 04:19 PM »
Whoa she's so cool!! i'm loving your art style!
can't wait for more updates :D

Re: Pro-roro's Incubator
« Reply #4 on: Jan 08, 2019, 05:29 PM »
Thank you guys! I'm glad you like her.

Corn of the Breads:
I'll def add more visual to the shield and try to make the ricochet more visible

Kozispoon:
I'll play around with different angles for sure. Might redo the establishing shot to add more than just the simple front shot of the office. Is there a particular panel(s) which you find are the greatest offenders of the "Egyptian" angles?
Thanks for the detailed feedback. It's greatly appreciated!

Re: Pro-roro's Incubator
« Reply #5 on: Jan 13, 2019, 11:39 AM »
Interesting character Pro-roro!
Can't wait to see more from you!

Re: Pro-roro's Incubator
« Reply #6 on: Jan 13, 2019, 05:12 PM »
Is there a particular panel(s) which you find are the greatest offenders of the "Egyptian" angles?
Page 1, panels 2 and 6
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