Shrapnel Girl vs. Mr. Kick

Critiques & Comments

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4:00am
Artist

64 comments

# 18 Posted: Sep 1 2006, 10:00 AM

The last thing i\'m saying on this is i know that this battle is shotty the only pages i even like are hard to understand so i\'m gonna try to do better next time around but as i said before I hate this battle i had alot on my plate at the time and still do but i\'m going to try and keep improving the things i am getting wrong thanks for your......\"Critiques.\" I\'ll aim higher in this up comming one

Madison
Artist

8 comments

# 17 Posted: Aug 31 2006, 11:48 PM

Hm... I don\'t know about this one! Normally I\'m a fan of your work but this story left me... With a bad taste in my mouth. It was just so-so for me... And there were a lot of typo\'s... : (

A Bad Idea
Artist

320 comments

# 16 Posted: Aug 31 2006, 06:15 PM

This comic had me confused in a few places. The plot seemed really weak and forced, and I never liked fights where it was just \"My fighter brutally murders your guy for five pages without a fighting chance, so it really could\'ve been anyone in your place and I\'dve drawn the same thing with a plot change or two\". The first time reading the red page had me lost in your lineart, combined with the dark overall tone that just mucked everything up. On that same page, the shattering glass looks really weak; all the shapes seemed more like paper in shape than actual glass, and the fact that there was little to no variations in the shard shapes and sizes doesn\'t help produce the idea that it\'s glass at all (especially on the \'Extreme Closeup of SG\'s Shoe\" panel, I thought the floor was cobblestone until i realized those were supposed to be glass shards). Between that page and the next, there\'s some incosistancy in Mr. Kick\'s facing; he lands outside the shop feet facing the window, is facing SG on the last panel, then on the page after, is facing the side. Then there\'s the transition between the \"extreme perspective lifting foot into the air\" and the kick; Mr. Kick is on the ground in that first frame, but the frame after looks as though she just sent a jumping kick to his jaw as though he were standing straight up. I can\'t even figure out what\'s going on in the page afterwards...there\'s like, an explosion...then she massages him to death, then suddenly he\'s on fire, then she\'s a few feet above the ground with no feet, and then next page she\'s in the air, and then big explosion finisher. Your frame choices get incredibly inconsistant at that part, and they become really hard to read. And leading up to that part, your paneling could use a lot of work; there were a lot of panels where there was too much open space (the shattering glass panel, the foot in the air panel, the kick panel). I also don\'t really see the purpose of that last panel. It really serves no purpose to your comic, and it kills the concluding line you gave Kick in the last panel by continuing into some seemingly non-sequitir panel.

This comic had me confused in a few places. The plot seemed really weak and forced, and I never liked fights where it was just "My fighter brutally murders your guy for five pages without a fighting chance, so it really could've been anyone in your place and I'dve drawn the same thing with a plot change or two". The first time reading the red page had me lost in your lineart, combined with the dark overall tone that just mucked everything up. On that same page, the shattering glass looks really weak; all the shapes seemed more like paper in shape than actual glass, and the fact that there was little to no variations in the shard shapes and sizes doesn't help produce the idea that it's glass at all (especially on the 'Extreme Closeup of SG's Shoe" panel, I thought the floor was cobblestone until i realized those were supposed to be glass shards). Between that page and the next, there's some incosistancy in Mr. Kick's facing; he lands outside the shop feet facing the window, is facing SG on the last panel, then on the page after, is facing the side. Then there's the transition between the "extreme perspective lifting foot into the air" and the kick; Mr. Kick is on the ground in that first frame, but the frame after looks as though she just sent a jumping kick to his jaw as though he were standing straight up. I can't even figure out what's going on in the page afterwards...there's like, an explosion...then she massages him to death, then suddenly he's on fire, then she's a few feet above the ground with no feet, and then next page she's in the air, and then big explosion finisher. Your frame choices get incredibly inconsistant at that part, and they become really hard to read. And leading up to that part, your paneling could use a lot of work; there were a lot of panels where there was too much open space (the shattering glass panel, the foot in the air panel, the kick panel). I also don't really see the purpose of that last panel. It really serves no purpose to your comic, and it kills the concluding line you gave Kick in the last panel by continuing into some seemingly non-sequitir panel.

jesse

141 comments

# 15 Posted: Aug 31 2006, 05:38 AM

I fucking LOVE Haruka\'s new haircut, 4:00Am.

Wei Ingnan
Artist

597 comments

# 14 Posted: Aug 31 2006, 05:28 AM

There was nothing in the folders.....I justifiably assumed that Johnny defaulted

Johnny Blaque
Artist

96 comments

# 13 Posted: Aug 30 2006, 08:34 PM

4, this was an awesome battle. Great story and it looks like your art is improving still. I love the 2nd panel on page 4 alot. I agree with Dingo that it looks like you tried different styles on different pages and places. Excellent job.

I\'ll just post up what I had in the forum or something. I would have lost to this anyways. lol

Dingo
Artist

276 comments

# 12 Posted: Aug 30 2006, 08:09 PM

JOHNNY NOOOOOO NOT AGAIN~!!! DX;; awww....man.....

well, 4:00am, i actually liked yours. it kinda looked likea different artist took turns drawing some pages, but i liked each page so....yeah it\'s good. i enjoyed your half :3