Desichan's Characters

Desichan's Characters
« on: Sep 21, 2017, 01:01 PM »


This is Fawn Nightingale, she's a teenager who's pretty useless at combat, and the like, and much prefer to stay at home, with her rich parents and get spoiled. She lives in a really winter-y town, and she's a common target for assassination and kidnapping attempts, which freaks her out, and by some miracle of nature she still isn't dead.

Personality:

She's a pretty sweet and cheery, albeit unmistakably spoiled girl. She constantly tries avoiding anything dirty that could mess up her clothes, and the like. She's pretty childish, and is easy to tease, and even easier to make cry. She enjoys making friends, but sometimes she'd rather just stay huddled up with her stuffed animals, where it's safe.

(Does she sound at all decent, or nah? I don't have an intro comic, but based on this, does she seem like a character that'd be accepted, and do the graphics look upto snuff?)

[img width=357 height=150]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507304228587569162/5438149237386772

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #1 on: Sep 21, 2017, 01:06 PM »
Sure.  We'd never reject a concept.  If you enjoy it then by all means go for it.  Id love to see an intro comic soon.

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #2 on: Sep 21, 2017, 01:33 PM »
I support this character for obvious reasons.



Also I'm claiming dibs on first battle.

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #3 on: Sep 21, 2017, 01:39 PM »
GIMME INTRO PAGES NOW!
MOST IMPROVED ARTIST 2016
MOST IMPROVED WRITER 2016

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #4 on: Sep 21, 2017, 01:45 PM »
Haha I'll definitely have to get to work on an intro thing when I can! Needta do my best! >w<///

And ohmigosh... Our characters have the same last name, that's actually really funny! XD I'd be up for a battle when I get her in! ^^/

[img width=357 height=150]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507304228587569162/5438149237386772

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #5 on: Sep 21, 2017, 01:47 PM »
oh my gracious yes please give us intro pages i love her and i need to see her fight Veronica XD


Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #6 on: Sep 21, 2017, 05:07 PM »
She's a cutie that I would love to see juxtaposed with scenes of horrible cruelty, absolutely!

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #7 on: Sep 24, 2017, 11:52 AM »
I got declined, but that's okay.

Here's my intro comic! Feel free to give me advice. ^^





« Last Edit: Sep 24, 2017, 11:57 AM by Desichan »

[img width=357 height=150]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507304228587569162/5438149237386772

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #8 on: Sep 24, 2017, 12:42 PM »
Ok so... it was hard for me to grasp what exactly is going on.
So she tries to go outside and then there is a knife flying at her and cuts her cheek.
Then she slams the door as it seems too dangerous.
And on the third page?
Is there a picture of herself hanging behind her?
And that knife is stuck in it?
It's not that it is that hard to understand, but you cram so much in such tiny panels that it gets hard to read.
Also, why are there people around their house throwing knifes directly at their door?
If they were in danger so much, why would they live so unprotected although they are that rich?

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #9 on: Sep 24, 2017, 01:09 PM »
You pretty much nailed what was going on, the background does show a picture of her, with a knife in it, yeah, haha..

But that's a really good point tbh, so there should be larger panels and not really many smaller ones! And haha, that is a plot point that I did not think too much about, XD and a very good point. maybe I should change it up in that case, to get rid of that weird plot issue! Thank you very much!

[img width=357 height=150]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507304228587569162/5438149237386772

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #10 on: Sep 24, 2017, 08:20 PM »
I'm gonna crit as I read to keep any advice and reactions pretty fresh, so here-a we go.

Pg1:
Alright, honestly, not a wonderful start. The wibbly wobbly lines don't really convey the sturdiness of a house or any structure really, unless it was made of play-doh or all melty n stuff. Which hey, it might be, but then you'd really have to underline that. And in the next panel---it's like night and day. Your character's all fine, smooth lines and clean edges. Man. If only the environment looked as crisp as this girl, you'd have a bonafide winner on your hands. It sorta makes me rethink the backgrounds as something you really tried to cut corners on, or just didnt care enough about to really put the time in. But, continuing on. Mom cracks an egg on a pan, I could use a bit more contrast between the panel itself and the border around it, otherwise it sorta reads like one giant panel, especially with the text balloon overlapping both.

Pg2:
Alright, new page our protagonist's at--a door? I assume door because of panel 2, but the closeness of panel 1 could really make it be anything. There's no defined door knob/handle, no doorframe, and no silhouette so really drive home *this is a door*. It continues into a panel of some kinda janky perspective with our protag sorta blown a bit to the right? But her silhouetes sorta cut off and she doesnt have a hand on the door anymore so the panel-to-panel actions sorta lost. Then she's...cut on the face with...oh its an axe. Or knife. This isn't good indeed. Originally I thought it was a sharp piece of paper because the knife's got no really defined edges or anything really spelling out KNIFE for me. I won't dock ya for the 'this isnt good' because its ambitious, even if its a bit confusing without a balloon tail or something. Then she slams the door---definitely look up some sound effects becuse that SLAM really doesn't sell the impact of a door slamming, and reads more like a note in a notebook, rather than the sound of wood-on-wood.

Pg 3.
Expression shot. Not bad, nothin really wrong with it. And then the last panel---I've got no real clue what's goin on or what it's supposed to represent.

Overall, I've really gleaned no insight on what your character's about, their stances, their possible quirks or powers, or anything really.

I'd tl;dr this whole dealio but I've found people tend to jump right to those and skip the Why aspect. I realize that a lot of this stuff sounds super negative and can be a whole lot to handle all at once, but that's absolutely not the way it's meant to be taken. I'd really love to see you improve and bang out a comic you're really proud of, and this just doesn't seem like that. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say you got real excited when ya saw everyone else's cool peeps and wanted to knock out a comic asap so you can join the fun. But! I digress. A second swing at this is absolutely in order, just really make sure to tell us who your character is and what she's all about.


Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #11 on: Sep 24, 2017, 08:33 PM »
Wow Petarvee! Thank you very much! That really gives me a lot of info as to know how a lot of the stuff is perceived! I really appreciate it!! But yeah I think you're right, I definitely was pretty excited to join, and I didn't really realize how much working harder on backgrounds mattered, nor did I really understand a good way to figure out panels... ^^/// I think I'm starting to figure it out!

I hope I do better on my next comic, Imma totes take what you say into account btw!

Also yoooo made the first page for my new intro comic. I noticed that Evil Encounter was right, and it made little sense to keep with the same story, so I rewrote it a bit. (I decided to keep it at her house, because I thumbnailed that and was looking mega forward to drawing it though!)


[img width=357 height=150]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507304228587569162/5438149237386772

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #12 on: Sep 25, 2017, 08:20 AM »
This is some great improvement.
I think you allready realised how confusing your previous choice of paneling was.
Also your choice of colors makes everything way easier to the eye.

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #13 on: Sep 25, 2017, 10:39 AM »
Thankies Evil! I'm glad!! >w<///

I made a new page btw.


[img width=357 height=150]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507304228587569162/5438149237386772

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #14 on: Nov 27, 2018, 12:32 AM »


ITS THE VAMPERGARTEN, its a kindergarten class of vampires, with a very reluctant teacher who is trapped by time to always exist and have to run this class. The children never grow up, and the teacher does not either, for different reasons.

NOW SINCE ITS MORE RELEVANT TO GO FROM RIGHT TO LEFT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY CHILDREN(literally) JAPANESE STYLE

Kourtney is the class's teacher, she is a panicky individual who is deathly afraid of being bitten by the class, and constantly runs away and has mental breakdowns. She hates her job and wants to die, but she signed some contract and didn't read the fine print.

Mel is your very typical broody vampire, who wants little to do with the other vampire children. She's also the most intimidating of the bunch, so she usually can threaten the others to submission if needed.

Ya boi Syncs is just a fairy kei bubble of joy, he loves floating around like a bubble, and always is looking to put a smile on people's faces. A super entertainer, and cuddly, but he might nibble a bit.

Aliv IS THE PEAK of sophistication, a class butler, he basically tries to act like he's thirty. He constantly apologizes for the others and gains people's trust because its much easier to bite them that way, and he also cares very much about being sophisticated.

Dir is genderfluid, and goes by all pronouns. They are the most weak willed of the group, they cry very easily, but tend to go along with whatever the others say. They kind of feel bad to bite people, and literally anything makes them cry.

Nir is genderfluid, and goes by all pronouns. They are the most sneaky fun loving of the group, and tend to try toying with victims, aka their poor teacher, and (insert void character here) Tries to make Dir act 100% like them, but ends up having it all fail because Dir starts crying.

[img width=357 height=150]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507304228587569162/5438149237386772

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #15 on: Nov 28, 2018, 01:01 AM »
Cute characters Desi, I love the color schemes! Sounds like you have a very dynamic cast to work with!

Re: Desichan's Characters
« Reply #16 on: Nov 28, 2018, 11:32 AM »
Awz thank you Evi ;w;

[img width=357 height=150]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/507304228587569162/5438149237386772

 

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