Kao5 vs. Joey

Critiques & Comments

Please register or log in to comment

Fox
Artist

25 comments

# 9 Posted: Apr 24 2018, 10:36 PM

ok y'all... I did not expect Queen's The Show Must Go On to be a deep cut... but then, apparently, I'm ancient. >.<

Check this out when you get a chance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t99KH0TR-J4

Thanks for the comments! I'm reading them all and super appreciate the effort!

ArtsandGoodies
Artist

566 comments

# 8 Posted: Apr 24 2018, 07:29 PM

As someone who often has is furry trash and looks at yiff art a bunch I will do my best to critique these. We could also prolly talk more in discord and through DMs since I have a bunch of artists and examples I could try to show to explain a bit better if either of you want to.

Fox: I'm not sure how I feel about the whole song/poem being the sole dialogue of it. It feels like it rely on preconceived emotional feelings attached to that song or thing and since I don't know about it it doesn't mean anything to me and without proper set up directly in the comic it feels a little separated If there was some sort of in comic thing that started it like a radio or something assuming it's a song I think it would blend better. I get that it's supposed to tangentially relate to them but it doesn't feel like I'm directly connecting with the characters which also makes the sex feel less intimate, which in a way kind of works for Koa5 since he's a prostitute. However I feel like you were trying to make it feel special based on the poses. I do like some of the poses are good at showing passion. however you may have also wanted to show a bit of movement in specific poses as well as adjust the layout of the panels to give the viewer some time to linger on the poses. This entire comic is the same 6 box format and I think when the yiffing started you should have changed that around a bit more and had more than just square shaped panels. Though this has been a step up from your previous panels and Kao5 is an enjoyable character.

Dechado: If you're going to have one panel that's colored or a full page shot it shouldn't be the first one it should be the climax scene in the most literal sense. You blow your load right at the start before anyone can get a hang on whats going down. The pace of the actual sex besides the first two pages is fine but like I said you need something better to open into. Also you shouldn't cold open into the sex you should at least work a little bit into with something even as simple as Lesdai buying Kao5 services for the night would work. basically there needs to be some sort of small buffer before you full on whip the dicks outs, at least if you're trying to make it sexy in any way, since the build up leads to some sort of anticipation. I imagine the struggle for not indulging yourself with the smut can be hard, but some build up is important. I know it's not complete but the limited glowing color could just work if you finished your sketches and they were more like inks.

Fox: I'm not sure how I feel about the whole song/poem being the sole dialogue of it. It feels like it rely on preconceived emotional feelings attached to that song or thing and since I don't know about it it doesn't mean anything to me and without proper set up directly in the comic it feels a little separated If there was some sort of in comic thing that started it like a radio or something assuming it's a song I think it would blend better. I get that it's supposed to tangentially relate to them but it doesn't feel like I'm directly connecting with the characters which also makes the sex feel less intimate, which in a way kind of works for Koa5 since he's a prostitute. However I feel like you were trying to make it feel special based on the poses. I do like some of the poses are good at showing passion. however you may have also wanted to show a bit of movement in specific poses as well as adjust the layout of the panels to give the viewer some time to linger on the poses. This entire comic is the same 6 box format and I think when the yiffing started you should have changed that around a bit more and had more than just square shaped panels. Though this has been a step up from your previous panels and Kao5 is an enjoyable character.

Dechado: If you're going to have one panel that's colored or a full page shot it shouldn't be the first one it should be the climax scene in the most literal sense. You blow your load right at the start before anyone can get a hang on whats going down. The pace of the actual sex besides the first two pages is fine but like I said you need something better to open into. Also you shouldn't cold open into the sex you should at least work a little bit into with something even as simple as Lesdai buying Kao5 services for the night would work. basically there needs to be some sort of small buffer before you full on whip the dicks outs, at least if you're trying to make it sexy in any way, since the build up leads to some sort of anticipation. I imagine the struggle for not indulging yourself with the smut can be hard, but some build up is important. I know it's not complete but the limited glowing color could just work if you finished your sketches and they were more like inks.

PyrasTerran
Artist

1513 comments

# 7 Posted: Apr 24 2018, 06:57 PM

Hmm, sorry guys I'm not feeling either of these comics :/

The problem is that for both of you it's more of the same; On its own, this Kao5 comic is serviceable, but when weighed with his series, every other Kao5 comic is the same formula: "person is sad, they have a time with Kao5, and then are less sad", but most of these are just intercourse and back to back with these stories makes the feelgood message sort of start to feel less meaningful each time. As a furry sex android on the run in a dangerous city there's material here for some more substantive stories, that more directly drive the narrative of Kao5 or their opponent. I would like to see more to Kao5 than sex at this point. The Lesdai Grahl comic isn't much better, I don't understand this new split personality thing at all, this comic is essentially just the sex part of Fox's, lacking even more substance. It's not dynamic because it's been done so often by you both with repeating results. for future comics I would really like to see you both twist this formula into something fresher.