[Black Spaghetti]

I wanted some feedback on some pages I've developed for my character.  I've changed her design and also created a sort of reintroduction.  It explains her change in appearance and I'm planning to make it longer.  I wanna do 6 pages or more but I'm aiming for 6 for now.




I used 2 pages to show the change and I'm working on the third now.  I'm mainly looking for feedback on colors and writing.  I'm doing this kinda on the fly with a loose script for now.

[Wei Ingnan]

text and text boxes are not working....even colour is too much

ALWAYS use the same font throughout your comic.....the 'handwritten' one works better....I would also suggest something with a bit more life and character to go along with images.....thin line tattered paper/scrolls in a light tan or beige instead of boxes

linework is really good and colours are good(others will be better qualified to access).....writing is a bit weak in structure...you've got run on sentences and improper punctuation....if you are uncertain....cheat and write it out in Word Perfect for spelling, punctuaiton, structure and even thesaurus

the chomp and smash isn't working either.....its clumsy and overpowering
.other sound effects are ok..

[EyeAmPhibian]

I love the look of this. I think the colour and lighting of it is stellar.

I second Wei's opinion on the text but think that a colour can be fine as long as its not the same colour of the majority of the panel (green). Just sort of blends into the background. I further this however, and don't even think the text is necessary. Honestly I just skipped it and read the comic visually the first time round and it had much more punch than reading it with all the extra stuff put in.
This is not an attack at your writing, just that the images express it so beautifully as it is so whats the point?

[Angie]

Coloring on the second page is solid! On the first page I would recommend bumping up the contrast between things closer to the viewer/further from the viewer. It's hard to explain exactly what I mean but this should hopefully help



I bumped up the darkness on the stuff really close to the viewer and made really far away things a little lighter. Obviously it doesn't have to look just like that as I don't have the master file and what you could do would look better!

[Puzzlething]

   Your rendering is way more complex on the first page. Once you get to the second page you drop alot of the little complexities of your colouring that really make the first page feel super polished. You stop illustrating reflected light sources, highlights mostly dissapear, and you stop using any soft transitions. It's totes fine if you don't wanna use those elements, but you can't just stop from one page to the next, it makes the second page look sorta unfinished.

   I'd also try coloring the bubble on the first page not-green, just to give the viewer a spot to rest their eyes in all that acrid green.

   Still though dude, your art is sooooooooooooooo nice. Ugh, I just love the way you do everryyyythhiiiiiiiing. It just bleeds style. Finish up and get in already!

[Wei Ingnan]

looking over this again....the transition from hand breaking out and small single silhouette panel is uncomfortable, possibly unclear and VERY abrupt.....a wide panoramic panel accros width of page would be better and still fit with preceeding page...then followed by less tight carnage shot...partially digested dragon and 'chomp' panel....please change that sound effect you are breaking my heart again Spaghetti

also of note.... you are working digitally so don't restrict yourself so much on page dimensions when designing page layout...you got a LOT more wiggle room here

[Black Spaghetti]

thanks for the feedback and I've started adjusting pages 1 and 2 tonight.  also after showing another friend he said the same about the transition.  I'll try adding another panel for a transition into the carnage. and I'll try seeing what it looks like if I pulled the camera further away during the last panel of page 2.  started page 3 as well.  after I've done the adjustments and done page 3 I'll re-upload to get some more feedback and work out the last pages based on what you guys give me.  Also your right I took out some of the other elements from the first page on the second, I was experimenting a bit to see which I preferred and I'll have chosen by my next upload.  also the character is already in I just redesigned her.  I finished the character sheet awhile ago before starting the comic pages for reference.  once again thanks for all your guidance guys I'll have the updates up shortly.

[Santana]

...you've got run on sentences and improper punctuation...

Lol

[Wei Ingnan]

I'm mainly looking for feedback on colors and writing.

Lol

his writing, Ms. Morisette..... not mine

why don't you give the fella what he asked for yourself

[Santana]

I get it, 'Ironic'

[Ahmed]

God I love this character, and your art is so clean and easy on the eyes. I'll reserve any further feedback until after you post the updated pages, I just wanted to send some praise your way til then.

[Black Spaghetti]

What I've got so far for pages 1-3.  I think adding a little info box for panel 1 page 2 to explain the transition a bit as I don't want to really reveal the character till after the swamp is devoured.  On page 3 the city will get some shading and the text box in the last panel is just a temporary stand-in.  I'm also not sure if I want to change the panels in page 2 either as I'm kinda eager to get to the next comic and a battle.  I also kept the sound effects as I like them as they are now, and I personally like the "smash".  Once again feedback is welcomed, after this post I'm concentrating on finishing the last 3 pages and just submitting it all.  Last thanks for all the comments and feedback thus far, it all helps greatly.

[Red]

GUHH! I love your stuff so much! The text really brings it down though. I think that's your own handwriting? It's better than most, honestly, but I would suggest using a real font. Try http://www.blambot.com/fonts_dialogue.shtml

I know that the forum automatically re-sizes images, so that plays a part in making it hard to read, but even so I think changing your text would help. That last font you used is toooo condensed, maybe decrease the amount of space between lines and go for a less condensed font and you'll still be able to fit it all? Personally, I don't have a problem with your sound effects I think they are fun to do by hand.

Other than that, I totally love this.

[Black Spaghetti]

Thanks Red, and the handwritten word bubbles was a suggestion from a fellow artist on the site.  I'd thought I'd give it a go.  Thanks for the critique and I'll try out doing typed fonts as well. 

[stefan]

holy crap ,where the hell did you came from ?!!

i love your pages man ,most of it has been said,but line work ,and colors are so solid .damn !

[Black Spaghetti]

Hey since this is go for broke I thought I'd post this here for the fun of it.

[Adam@!]

so quick question. is she giant like 30-50 foot tall monster and her minions are all giants as well? or does she change size or is this a re-re-design? nice drawing though looks cool so far.

[Rose]

Black Spaghetti, I swear you improve at an inhuman pace with this stuff! I hope you're in a battle right now, because I really really really want to see more comics from you with this type of amazing quality!

[Black Spaghetti]

Sadly no not in a battle right now, I've reached out to the two people who last talked to me about battling but maybe I took to long and now they're busy.  I'm currently working on a 20 page comic to present to comic book publishers at C2E2 in April but I'm also looking for a battle.  I think I'll look at my options for the next battle soon.  And yes this is technically a re-re-re-REdesign, I'm not gonna upload it right now though cause it'd be time consuming and I really need to either battle or work on the 20 pager.  To answer another question she's still 35 in this picture and some of her minions are huge too yes, however she rules over a very wide range of different monsters, from those that could dwarf planets to those no bigger than an ant. 
Also the 20 pager will be about these characters which I've never shown on Void before.



I've already gotten the script typed out now I need to figure out page layout and so on.  Oh, and the re-upload of Edu and two is because I wanted to make the guy on the right, the Councilor, more interesting in appearance.