[Byth1]

I was gonna wait until I finished the Intro Story for him but
might as well get some thoughts first.



Full Name: Paper Bagman
Sex: Male
Age: 21 and three quarters
Height: 5'1"
Bio: Paper Bagman, he's a man with a bag on his head...made of paper. Once a mild-mannered employee of a franchise fast food restaurant, Bagman decided a life of providing cheaply made process meat wasn't for him. What he really wanted was a life of excitement, adventure, the life of a Hero! So, after a brief training montage, Bagman was born! With a tentative knowledge of every type of martial art known to man(and a few made up ones), and a super sharp sword made out of the cardboard box he found laying in the alley that one time, Bagman heroically fights evil all across the globe! ...Or at least from a comfortable walking distance from his apartment.

[ultraman400]

Oh my god, that is one very original character when I look at it. Can't wait to see his intro story.

[RobThing]

That is completely awesome.
COMPLETELY.
AWESOME.

The only thing I'd want to know is, are his eyes always like that? Like, little white orbs with no pupils? If you could toss in maybe two or three different expressions that would be great  ^.^

[Wubble]

He seems pretty carefree fellow, but don't worry - that will change soon enough.

Now let us see the glorious pages of introduction!

[Byth1]

The only thing I'd want to know is, are his eyes always like that? Like, little white orbs with no pupils? If you could toss in maybe two or three different expressions that would be great  ^.^

Usually, though if they're extreme expressions or I want him to look somewhere I'd give him pupils.
EDIT: Expressions, okay. I'll put that in the Design Sheet.

He seems pretty carefree fellow, but don't worry - that will change soon enough.

*stare of death* OH IT'S ON!

as for the intro pages, I should have 'em up soon. Trying to make sure I don't turn in trash.

[Byth1]

Page 1, went grayscale so I could do the pages fast. I'm debating whether or not to add shading or leave it flat, I dunno. Anyway:


Back to drawing

[Wei Ingnan]

..... so I could do the pages fast....

WRONG!!!

you have obviously adopted this improper mentality for the whole thing and it is not the way to go...why the hell should an audience give a crap about your comics if you don't?!...make the effort and do the work....this is especially frustrating since you are obviously capable of better and simply are not giving it to us

[Rose]

Yeah, man, what Wei said—don't cut corners, but make your comics great! It definitely feels like you took a lot of shortcuts with your comic, like having three oddly-placed characters in that first panel, using silhouettes for at least half of the characters in that page, and relying heavily on close-ups (which denies us the details of what's going on around the characters). The blank white space on the right side of the page feels like you just didn't know what to do there, and almost all of your characters have really awkward poses. I would definitely recommend drawing from life and using references for your poses. And think about what your characters' poses and expressions are communicating to your reader. The expressions on the first panel of the page you posted seem off to me. Why is the lady in the background cowering in fear? And what the hell is wrong with that bald guy? He looks like a cross between Voldemort and (Hey) Arnold's grandpa. It looks like you were trying to give him an expression of disgust, but...

You know how people usually react to eccentric, crazy people? They ignore them. Completely. No expressions, no fear, no disgust, just straight-up I-don't-want-to-acknowledge-that-you-live-on-the-same-planet-as-me ignore. Plus, it's way more funny to see some super animated character acting all tough and cool and no one cares than seeing people react to him.

I'm on the fence with your character right now, but I believe that if you think about these things and quit cutting corners on your artwork, you can be amazing.

Good luck!

[Tofubeast]

Take your time with your intro pages--there's no need to rush!

Also, Bagman needs to fight Baghead. http://entervoid.com/index.php?action=character;id=1992

[Byth1]

Wow guys, thanks so much for the feedback. You guys are right, I really do care about my comics and I didn't wanna give off a vibe of being lazy, so sorry about that .

@Bobo, Really good points, thanks for the tips. Yeah, I was trying to show disgust and annoyance on the first panel(the blank white page was because me screwing up the legs of the big guy though).

I'm gonna go back to the page and apply the stuff you mentioned.

[Byth1]

Got tablet problems, had to save up to get a new one. Anyway:







Made these, any thoughts?

[Red]

The way your panels flow is super weird. Obviously where you have the big red arrow directing people where to go next, but also on the first page. My eye wants to go to the top left panel, but there's a title and then I swing back to that first panel... then the head is in a box but the action is underneath everything. I enjoy when people have interesting panel layouts, but it has to make sense. Try to avoid stuff like that, because it really takes away from the comic. Overall it's a pretty good effort!

[Byth1]

Thanks, especially the stuff about the first page. I'm gonna go back and fix those.

[Byth1]

changed.

[Cracking Skulls]

hey, that page is working a lot better! Good job, keep it up!

[Red]

Looking much better!!!!

[Rose]

Is that Ancelin!? Hahah jk. Looking forward to your battles, dude! Going to go ahead and lock the thread now that you've been approved.