You dun it now, Sootball

You dun it now, Sootball
« on: Jul 28, 2015, 09:06 PM »
Hey guys I know I'm jumping the gun posting my first char without any comic pages, but I drew it today so I'm gonna hate it tomorrow.



First Name: Wren
Last Name: Nunya fuckin business
Sex: Female
Height: 5'1"
Weight: 105 lbs
Age: 22

Physical Description: Wren is short and petite, with dollish facial features and freckles, resulting in her often being mistaken for a young teen at first glance. Her raven black hair is curly and unruly, and her eyes are blue when she isn't using her powers.

Bio: She had a shitty childhood and has some pretty intense and deep-seated anger issues.

Powers: Wren has the ability to manipulate/shape/move glass. Her irises glow white when using them.

More to come later this week~
« Last Edit: Jul 31, 2015, 07:07 PM by Sootball »

Who, me?

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #1 on: Jul 28, 2015, 09:27 PM »
Welcome to the site!

I really like her design, the only thing that's kind of striking me off is her front-facing foot. Her top is really fun looking and I hope to see your intros soon. Your art looks very strong!

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #2 on: Jul 28, 2015, 09:37 PM »
Flippin' the double duece. Beautiful way to start things off.



Comics, yes indeedy. Post haste!

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #3 on: Jul 31, 2015, 07:20 PM »
I'll be drawing these over, this is my first draft to get the layout how i want it.








Who, me?

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #4 on: Aug 01, 2015, 05:36 AM »
Hey! This is a great start!!

Couple of layout niggles here and there you might want to look into before you ink:

Page one panels four and five, you're cramming your speech bubbles in around and behind your characters. Make a little more room for them, and try place them in the gap between your characters. (There's more space there right now anyway) ; )

Page three panel one: The action is her coming at the reader the knife, but you've giving her hip/upper thigh/midrift more screen time. Try bringing the shot up, so the knife/her fearsome expression is more central to the panel. Then it'll look even awesome-er!

I love Wren and totally want to fight her!!! GET 'ER IN!!!!!!

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #5 on: Aug 01, 2015, 07:26 PM »
Alright! Good to see more material from you, and it's great to see what your first draft is looking like. Here are some pointers I can make:

  • Generally speaking you might want to think about your panel arrangements for some of your scenes. The part where we look at the couple talking and then Wren's angry eyes confused me for a bit. Are we supposed to read up and down in that instance or still go from left to right? I also think the panels where the targets see Wren coming could be stronger if you switched the panels between the guy and the girl, so it looks like her image is literally splitting up their conversation
  • I feel that the moment of the attack where she raises her shiv and the close up of the guy's face is getting too cramped. The action isn't reading as well as it can so you may want to design some panels with ample breathing room so we can see exactly what's going on.
  • The shot where she summons her knife doesn't read all that clearing since the knife is too close to the bottom edge of the panel. Maybe tilt her arm outwards a bit more so we can definitely see she's got a sharp, stabby thing.
  • I'm noticing some major negative space going on in the panel where she stabs the guy. All the action is crammed into the right side of the panel and nothing is going on in the left. Is that for the dialogue?
  • The part where she stabs the gal's throat could be amped up with stronger poses. Also keep track of where your characters are relative to their panel placement (i.e. Keep Wren to the left side of the panels and her victim to the right) so everything reads more clearly. Some people call this the 180 rule if you're curious about it.

Overall it's a nice start and I would highly suggest that for your future comics you vary up your camera angles. Everything here so far works but it's a bit on the flat side.

I can't wait to see you come onboard. I'm gonna be gunning for you when I get the chance!



Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #6 on: Aug 01, 2015, 11:03 PM »
I'm really into this start, I think you've got a great set up and I love that she's just thinking about this stuff in her head instead of actually doing it when she stabs her ex-boyfriend (I imagine). You've gotten a lot of great comments, but my main issues are actually your first page. It's set up okay, but this dude that walks up to her in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th panels just stares out at the street and isn't turning to face her at all until the 'exorcist' page. I feel like you should rework some of these panels to show him walking to her or staring at her before looking at her to talk. Maybe even if he had hopped up on the bricks next to her or whatever to talk, it would have been more natural, but it just looks very awkward in terms of body language done.

Your art looks real great based on that design sheet, so I hope you don't make your pages weaker by not addressing that in some way. It's okay if he turns around or looks on the 'where are your parents/what are you looking at pages', but he should be looking at her in the other pages. Maybe a different angle entirely would work better, if you wanna keep the single camera effect you're working with, but I think you should consider doing something about that simple body language/posing issue. Overall, this is great start, so I hope to see you do more work on it.

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #7 on: Aug 02, 2015, 12:58 PM »
Heyyy yeeeesss thanks for the critiques, guys!!

Pocketmouse: yes, thanks! I agree with your niggles. My intention was to keep the speech bubbles in the background behind her because she's tuning the guy out, but you gave me another idea actually~

Rikun: Addressing your first comment, I knew that part might get a little confused, it's supposed to read left down then right down. I'll see how I can have that flow a little better. Also, I put the guy on the left because he sees Wren first, then the girl looks to see what the guy is looking at. So it's happening in order from left to right. But that's not really essential to the story that much so i'll consider switching those panels. Thanks for all the input!

Roflqu: Ooh, I get what you're saying about the dude, he's supposed to be acting shady but I like your idea to have him sit next to her. That's what I'm gonna do. 




Who, me?

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #8 on: Feb 05, 2016, 09:09 PM »
Some concept sketches of my next character



Look out ladies, he's dirty, wild, and raised by vultures, it's Chip-Coo-Coo-Hiss-Screech, but his homeless best friend calls him Volt the Vulture Man, or Volt, for short. Just a seemingly regular human, except raised by vultures from a young age so he doesn't talk much but makes oddly pleasant company on account of his unpredictability and oft unwavering stare. Yeah... pleasant.

Who, me?

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #9 on: Feb 05, 2016, 09:11 PM »
Did you abandon the previous character?

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #10 on: Feb 05, 2016, 09:29 PM »
Nope, she's still coming first

Who, me?

*
Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #11 on: Feb 10, 2016, 01:51 PM »
ahhhhhh this is fantastic!

I have no constructive criticism. Cause I can't art. But I like looking at it! :D

Re: You dun it now, Sootball
« Reply #12 on: Feb 15, 2016, 03:20 PM »
Whoops, just saw this!

Thanks, Dumorte!

Who, me?

 


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