@Puzzlething: Clarifying the relationship between Mandy and her parents were one of my anxieties because of the limited space I had to do that versus focusing on her struggle against both Howling and Florence, who both tempt her with what is essentially alike ideologies. I tried to clarify by using motifs such as the photograph and the letter to imply her feelings towards her parents, though i wondered how strong this technique would actually be without laying groundwork of any substantial interaction between Mandy and her parents. So I thank you for putting the spotlight on this weakness in the story in your critique.

@ABI: I'm glad you noticed some of the ideological struggle taking place in the story! I wanted Florence to be a juxtaposition to Mandy in a veteran vs. novice sort of way. Florence has already "been there" in Mandy's shoes and could empathize with her emotional state. Florence is sort of a "future" version of what Mandy could have become. I wanted to depict Florence as a person who could do all the things Mandy was incapable of, but at the same time would be incapable of making the final decision that Mandy made regarding her parents, highlighted by Florence's role as a tempter and Mandy's ultimate rejection of his compromise. I would like to explore this idea of whether Mandy rejected this compromise out of inner strength or weakness and the idea of regretting the decision not to "opt out".

@TINMAN: Thank you, feels good to have finally completed a tourney too haha. You're right about the setting of a nuclear winter being less important in this round, since i wanted to convey the sort of beliefs certain characters would have regarding to survival in the face of an apocalyptic environment-- that sort of world would create a setting for individuals to act out according to their inner nature. Thinking about it now, I think I might have been able maintained the idea of a radioactive wasteland by at least referring to it once in the comic.

@ultraman: I think another way of reading the story is this strong, watchful, paternal figure (Drednaut) constantly foiling the attempts of a potential molester (Howling). When you read it like this Howling's real enemy from his perspective was Drednaut and they had been playing this game of outdoing ways to harm one another. Drednaut killing off Howling's pack, Howling sticking Drednaut in an MRI, then finally Drednaut and Howling, both beaten up, settle the score offscreen. The real person who hasn't really won anything was Mandy, who was unable to face her fear of Howling in order to win back her family.

@Animeshen: Thanks! The story was originally going to be 15 pages, but ended up becoming 20 rather quickly in order to have a decent resolution to the story. That said those last 2 pages were when i was extremely stretched and I had to "compromise" the quality of those 2 pages to finish the LAST 2 pages which was the beautiful ending i had been fantasizing about pulling off since round 1.

@Pyras: I wish i could have had extended scenes of the werewolves tearing the camp apart and explain how Mandy got from the cafeteria of the hospital to the outside of the hospital itself. Alas, if i only had more time!

@Neens: thank you! My anatomy did end up slipping, but I'm doing my best to recover my technique!

*nod* I will take a step back and concentrate on taking my time on certain things. Will try to show improvement on next comic.

Jong         -

           I'll totally focus on the story, since that means I don't have to attempt to critique you're glorious art. That's just too hard.

         I feel like the biggest flaw in your story in how weak the characters of Mom and Dad are, and how little you flesh out their relationship with Mandy. The few lines they say don't contain alot of personality, and the moments they have with Mandy are quite brief. Those small moments could have helped us feel their relationship, but in the end they become more straightforward events that are mostly there to move the plot forward. In the end it becomes a case of show don't tell: You have Mandy tell us she loves her parents, and about her past relationship with them, but we don't get to see what makes that relationship unique, and why we should love them too. Mandy is a, if not the, main character, and we should value the preservation of her family too. But we can't if we don't empathize with them. Right now they're more like an idea than real people. "The Parents", like a sort of cold device used to garner sympathy.

           Well that's just me. The comic is amazing though. Your sense of visual storytelling and pacing is just amazing. Amazing amazing amazing. Those thin slivers of face at the bottom of page 2.  The werewolf back panel on page 6. The redux of Mandy's letter on 13. And a thousand more small and subtle and beautiful things. Also, maybe I just never noticed it in your other comics, but I really love these characters faces, especially Gregory.


Pocky          -

             I totes agree with Nina on the structure thing. It sometimes feels like you're just strait up inking these comics, without taking the time to draw stuff out carefully. You could also help your visual clarity by paying more attention to contrast. To many scenes become all speed and energy, or all loose and relaxed. You need to move back and forth between fast and careful, articulated and sketchy, to create visual excitement. Contrast not only helps clarify, but also heighten.

   The texture is awesome though, and I actually love fast loose ink, even though I'm too scared to even try it. And there are spots where the stuff you do with grayscale to render light is just amazing, like Monday-esque. Those spots with Florence on the bottom of page 5. I love the way you render his hoodie in a way I can't even explain. The light is so simple and right.


These are both stupid good comics guys. You totally went crazy with it and proved exactly how good you have to be to end up in the finals of any tournament.

Yea, great tournament.

Abi, yes the whole comic was most likely there just so I could make that one panel that said Dick Punch on it, based off a previous tumblr post I found from Angie about it. I was torn between a lot of ideas, I regret not doing my other story now, but this also makes me want to work on more fighting choreography. Stay tuned for dive kicking action in the next entry with Florence. That's all folks!

thanks for all the comments you guys, I really want to begin focusing on strong storytelling for the rest of my 'tour' in void. These really help to illuminate where i stand in terms of a storyteller. Pocky, its been a pleasure that i would be glad to replicate in the future. Stay tuned for the next entry in Adamantine. That's all folks!

Jong Of Ice and Fire: I really love the world you've built and the circumstances you've created amidst the nuclear crisis. A great way to tie up the loose end of your previous battle. I also really love your characterization of Florence; bright and cheerful, yet disturbingly casual about violence and death. There's no malice in his words, but there's definitely something skewed about his thoughts on humanity. I also enjoyed that Florence's shaky ideology provided a major conflict for your character, even if he wasn't the antagonist of the story. All in all a fantastic read and a thrilling conclusion.

Pock of Ages: I feel like there were many ideas present here that didn't really have any cohesion with each other. The early reveal of Florence losing the fight suggests that we're supposed to feel sympathy for Flo's incoming demise, but when Adamantine finds him, he seems more like the antagonist, especially with how trivially he acts about murdering Baku. This leads the reader to think that we're meant to sympathize with Adamantine and to root for her in the fight. The pace of the fight is also all over the place, in a bad way. Mandy is clearly shown to be able to give Florence a sound thrashing, so it feels weird that Mandy suddenly starts hesitating when Florence starts fighting back, since they seem to really be on the same level. The current fight logic didn't really dictate that Mandy was in need of a desperation move, so the inner monologue just felt really unnecessary (and also continues to paint Mandy as the heroine when we're supposed to feel sorry for Flo later!). Even the dick punch itself felt like it clashed with the rest of the comic's mood; opting for a comical resolution to the fight really took away the tension and drama that the fight represented (and that's not to say that punching someone in the dick can't be dramatic, but with the large caption and faux-dramatic buildup to it, I felt it was certainly intended to be comical in this instance).  And while I know you were really intent on having Wizzie's retroactive intervention help Florence win the fight, it just feels like an asspull grab for sympathy since Florence has been doing nothing but antagonizing Mandy throughout this entire comic; it just feels like it's too late to start feeling sorry for Florence at that point. I feel like this could have worked if you spent time *during* the fight to have Florence actually REACT to Mandy's anger. Like, if he were actually panicked and genuinely fearful, realizing that he'd actually done something wrong and was about to suffer the consequences of it, and fail his friends in the process. But instead, we have Florence casually offering Mandy chocolates only mere meters away from the body of her best friend whom he murdered, and any chance to sympathize with Florence is lost. I think for next time you should really think about which moment is central to your comic, and try to find pieces and ideas that build toward it thematically and emotionally. Even if you end up cutting ideas, utilizing the ones that work best will allow you to command the mood of your comic and create emotional cohesion for the reader.


Fantastic job both of you. This will definitely be a disaster to remember!

Pockygirl- you know i got heaps o love fo yo dope slashy inks and smattery grayscales, and your hard stylish action but I think the plot got away from you there. You had set up such a charming bit of world building and emotional resonance I think you threw away for a pretty brutal if sudden fight. I know you were under the gun with a time crunch but I think it hurt your endgame. There are places where your anatomy gets a little mushy in the middle and where you obscure too much of your structure in your tones but its all gravy, just tidy it up a wee bit. I'm not a fan of the speed lines overuse but I did enjoy your paneling and framing. The way you dovetailed back into the Wizzie and Addie's parents bits were well done, just wish the end had more profound impact.

Jong-
Your characterization of Greg Howling and your overarching plot work incredibly well, even if you didn't play out the specific disaster given, you made it your own Moon powered wolfpocalypse and it rocked. I think there are some frames where you crop things too closely, you demonstrate fine panel variety and page composition throughout but in your slow bits near the end the convos get stagnant and samey. You control your pacing well in these phases tho- the fact its so subconscious means its working.

THe musical interludes tied together very well, and you delivered the full package in terms of involving others characters, building the world, having tone and atmosphere, and delivering both emotionally and battlewise.
So many lovely perfectly wrought details that stick with me- that floor pattern, that night sky, snowflakes crystalizing, duct taping the weapons together, the subtle use of color- master class material. You're the deserving heir of the titular Master of Disaster and from one tourney champ to another- I graciously welcome you to the fold brother!

If I review comics, I'm going to focus mostly on the plot and story.

Jong: You did an overall great job. The characters are done real well and have some development. The plot twists are executed well and leaves me wondering what will happen next. Some characters from your previous comic return including Drednaut and Gregory. And your emphasis on the nuclear disaster is very realistic and shows that everyone is suffering, even Gregory whom you made the antagonist of the comic. Sure, Florence and Adamantine don't exactly fight, but they leave each other alone afterwards, although her father had something to do with Florence's apparent dark past. Overall, good job.

Pocky: Not much I can say, but still you did a fairly good job. Yet, there things in your story that bother me. Since Florence told Adamantine the reason why he killed Bako was because of self-defence, he should have proved it. Also, I think she would've understand that he didn't mean to do it since he showed no aggression to her. One other thing, I know Florence is stronger than he looks, but I still can't get believe that impaled both Bako and Adamantine through the head with tonfas. Good comic, but has some things that rub me in all the wrong ways.

Both of these stories are pretty good.

Jong, your story was beautifully cinematic, a great follow-up from your last entry! I loved your use of Howling, I hope Geeps reads it! I also think you wrote a great Florence! Cute but deadly and wanting to be friends! Your sepia colour tones really set the mood, and the song in the last two pages made the ending for me, bittersweet and haunting. Some pages before the ending seem a little rushed but thats just a nitpick. Great comic!
Pocky, there were places where your messy, inky style really made the scene, like when she finds baku dead and the bit where he channel's wizzie's magic but then sometimes it makes it a bit hard to see, like some folks were saying, some of the action was hard to decipher. But what a great comic! Just a tragic ending! Poor Florence doesn't get to make friends in EITHER of these comics! XD
Great tournament, everyone! These were really a pleasure to read!

Jong: I love the story and you made Gregory Howling into a great villain. I can see the movie playing in my head as I read. Things tied together well and creatively. I think you skipped past the infestation too quickly, it would have been nice to see Adamantine's shock and horror at the incident and her escape, before she returns with a vengeance.

Pocky: I've said this before, as beautiful as your brush strokes are, there are times when I have trouble understanding what is happening. You have an eye for action choreography for sure,  you just need to take a step back from your work to make sure what is happening can be clearly seen. Maybe you can have another check for you, and that in turn can help you catch when your strokes lose too much form.

Lovely job both of you!

Jong: Sorry for the slackagement on my part. Your thumbnails are up now.

good work guys!

Jong there's a few places, most notably towards the end, that look real off anatomy wise. I know what you're capable of though, so I'm gonna write it off as hurried work. overall though, super slick!

Pocky I really wish your work was more.. solidified. things feel loose or baggy, like there's no structure underneath. I think this also contributes to clarity issues. a lot of the time it's hard to tell what's going on, like who's who, or what's what, especially in the action panels. I found myself really having to analyze certain panels to try and make sense of them. and one last, more nitpicky thing- I don't feel like the textures were totally necessary on everything. maybe just on bg elements, but having it everywhere, plus the screentones.. it felt like a lot was going on! I really admire the effort though, good work!

same to you! This was a good battle where we both gained some level ups

edit: in terms of critiques i'm interested in knowing what you guys thought of story telling and directing. Not to say you can't critique anything you guys want in terms of artwork, but I'd like to focus more on storytelling elements, thank you!

jong, that was so beautiful T_T

Song to go with my battle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFUVuL91ntA
Thought the lyrics were appropriate. Just a little more than a day till impact

Good luck you guys  

HahahahHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

YEAH!

*gulp*

womp.

ROUND 2: FIGHT!