Whuf, well y'all dont hold back thats for sure ^^; i take some comfort in knowing you were harsh because youre invested in Lily's story so thanks for being fans i guess lol. I acknowledge the problems with this comic individually- the dissonance in tone, the "everything was resolved" ending, everything with poor Holden- but story wise i stand by my decision. LeFred has been a huge help in coming up with ideas to get Lily on the path i want her ro be on and the Mortimerr arrangement was our favorite starting spot. So just bear with me, this isn't the end of lily's hell arc though i can see how it looks from this comic like it would be. And thanks for all the crits!

Well I liked it.

I have to admit, I was surprised to see the demon marriage pact take this direction. I expected something else. But having an actual VOID character like Mortimerr be the demon husband creates so many possibilities, I can't wait to see what's next. I agree that there were some issues with pacing and tone that took away some of the emotional impact that this comic could have had. I'm not sure, but my gut instinct is that Fred's unique sense of humor and storytelling and Shen's emotionally charged storytelling and more slapstick kind of humor just weren't balanced quite as well as they could have been. I think it would have been more effective if things became less and less humorous gradually over the course of the comic (with the tragic humor of the last few panels creating a great bookend). I enjoyed the "dad, you're embarrassing me!" feel when they first arrived in Hell, but I think it detracted from how serious things had become. I do think you could have kept that in if you gave her dad a more foreboding presence. He ended up feeling more like a semi-failed business man. I think if he had been more serious, this comic would have had a larger impact. Basically, just make sure you don't pull punches when you want something to come across as big trouble.

I have to address some of the critiques complaining about the larger-picture story and how this comic played into it. To me, it was really clear that this was merely the beginning of something that would become much worse than how it looks right now to many of you. This wasn't the end of a long storyline, it was the prologue to a story arc we've known was coming for a long time. I didn't expect the story arc to start like this, but I have faith in Shen and Fred to create some truly powerful comics with these two in the future.

I enjoyed this comic, and I can't wait for more!

Well, I know this is a hot topic, and I really like you both as people ♥ , so I hope this doesn't get taken the wrong way.
+Panel layouts? GREAT. SIGN ME UP, I NEED TUTORING.
+Colors: Mmmm I love me some desaturation. And tbh I appreciate the messiness of it. I still really like it despite constantly getting feedback on how messiness is not ideal. So. That'll be what it is. I LIKE IT. TAKE THAT.
+Writing: I think most of what has been said rings true for me as well. I think breaking it down by category isn't working, so I'll try to comment by page.

     +Page 1: She mentions a halloween party. This is only odd because she then expresses confusion at Mortimerr showing up. If there was another party happening and she opted not to go, that would have been fine, but this attempt at some meta humor fell a bit flat to me.
     +Page 3: Okay as MUCH AS I LIKE THE IDEA FOR THE SECOND PANEL the bow looks like some really funny lips, and it kills me with laughter, but also kind of breaks the seriousness of the situation in a way that I couldn't really recover from. Especially since the last panel on that page is an actual dramatic death? It set the page off a bit.
     +Page 4: I don't personally understand lily/satin stuff or the promise, so I was left wondering why Holden was basically a prop here after such a buildup with him. I'm going to have to go back and read why Satin might take priority over him.
     +Page 5/6: I LOVE DAD BLOODROT!!? How do I get to be friends with lilyfeather's dad?
     +Page 7: I think someone said it, that they weren't married at this point? I'm not sure why dad bloodrot is pressing for that?
     +Page 10: This was a very great and strong page, I think. I like the "Scars of Matrimony" concept.
     +Page 12: At least what I recall from the deal of last halloween, Mortimerr said he'd just let her live her life (ah, no i interpreted it like that, he just said it'd invalidate her contract), and it was the best deal she could get, so that whole babysitting line threw me for a loop, but upon rereading the old comic, it makes more sense. Thank you for linking it.
     +The last page was also like, the saddest joke I've ever read, and I mostly just wanna cuddle Holden now, out of all of this. I know this was not ideal for Mortimerr or Lily, but poor Holden!


I hope this comes across as somewhat helpful? I know this isn't the most positive of comment threads that I've seen before, but I'm looking forward to how you'll wrap this up in the upcoming comics! Keep 'em coming! ---I already sent you my shitty fanfiction.--- Tbh I'm hoping for some magus bride nonsense.

Personally, my only real gripe is what point there is for Mortimer to kill Lily like that and why killing her suddenly means Morty has to marry her.  I'm sure there's something I missed or something that'll help clear that up a bit eventually, but still.  Still, I would like to see where this goes, and if Lily can find a way out of the mess she's in now.

I see a lot of harsh criticism for this and I have to agree with a lot of it but not all of it. I had no real problem with the art, there was a certein feeling of your styles not meshing entirely that I feel could prolly be polished up further. But story wise and pacing wise, I just feel it didn't go past "ok" compared to what I believe you two are capable off. The tone was a bit to scatter shot, there was underlying sense of very dark humor but it made the transition to the last page SUPER jarring.  

All in all, it was a decent comic that kinda made a storyline fizzle out in meh way. I felt it was a bit much of a sudden reset and copout, to be quite frank. It felt more like "We are kinda of in a corner here. Just gonna push the ol' reset". The bright spot is that you guys set up for a new scenario that I am in fact, very interested in seeing where it goes.
 

Ah cool. In that case I'll amend my critique to say that Fred's inking and coloring method do not mesh well with Shen's style of art using her sketches as a base.

The line work is actually mine :B

Thanks Pyras!  Disregard that part of the comment, then.

Ok so it took me a while to process my complex feels about this comic. I have found my conclusion regarding how I feel about it and it will be delivered in a harsh manner but I pray you will at least hear me out on this because I do care how lily progresses as a character on this site.

I felt nothing at all emotionally.

Ok so before I step into what is the most divisive aspect of this comic, I will first address the art. The art was ok. Quite honestly anything bad on the coloring and lines is nitpicking and its ok. The main issue I had with it was really that fred's unsaturated coloring methods in here dont go well with shen's linework. Theres a dissonance between your two styles where I cannot tell what kind of mood and feel you would be going for. Satrical? Comedic? Dramatic? Subdued? This leads me to the main part.

So. Lets for the moment leave aside any prior outside comic plot threads that I would have to dig through backlogs upon backlogs to find out about if I were new to this. Lets put aside lily's prior dramatic story for now and look at this as a comic plot in itself.

So first we start off with Mortimer coming in and reintroducing a plot thread. Lily debates with him. And then he kills her as a punchline. Ok already we have turned this plot into a down to earth satrical comedy. Remember that. Now then, we're in hell and we have a dramatic reveal of Lily's dad and its quickly broken into a family cringe comedy moment. So far, we are still on comedy. Its not bad comedy. Ok so we go through all the satrical comedic talk and banter that then introduces the new plot element and some character relations, that being an unwanted arranged marriage through technicalities born of comedy of a dry sort.  We are firmly in comedy with a situation that is akin to plenty of shoujo manga. And then Lily plays it off like its a dramatic situation as if stakes are huge for her and she swears vengeance. And not in a comedic way. No. From there we are back to drama all of a sudden.

This here is the problem. Any tonal consistancy whether within or prior to this comic just got tossed out. It is why people feel disappointed. And it is also why others find it perfectly fine.

Plenty of people followed lily's story and felt for her when the demonic pact situation was introduced. It felt like a thing within her story. One of a girl born of circumstances but wanting to break free of those all done in a manner that is both a mix of cute magical girl life and DRAMA. And then this happened and suddenly we have a completely feel. One where the dramatic stakes have simply been dropped from a joke.

And yet others are fine with this because it introduces other circumstances that would result in perhaps some shoujo manga like scenarios of "do i love her do i not?" and other things of that sort.

Nevertheless, this comic more or less simply dropped everything that waa built upon for something completely different tonally. This is why I felt nothing but "ok i guess this is happening now". But alas, I shall put aside my own feelings and judge it now objectively.

Art was ok but unsure tonally, story was ok, emotional tone was all over the place and I guess I'll stick around and see how it goes.

I just think people need to chill - I liked the comic anyway.

"You're never here when I need you." When did this start happening?"

Holden foresaw what was going to happen to Lily on that Halloween night and did not help her~
source: Holden Shark in Dramamine

I'll say the good thing real quick-- We're finally getting to the Hell arc!  Sweet Moses, it's been three years--I've been waiting for this to be addressed.

But man did y'all botch this beginning.

"You're never here when I need you."  When did this start happening?  Latest interaction I saw with Holden and Lily had Holden assuming a meta-form fueled by love and Mol's possession to beat out a berserker.  And before that was some cute stuff with them establishing themselves as a couple.  Did I miss something?

Or is Lilyfeather projecting her feelings of helplessness onto this zombie boy?

Lilyfeather has at least two ways out of this mess (contact Louise OR Lesdai Grahl), one of which was set up by Shen herself with the scar match that introduced this contract.  Why hasn't she used them?  Will she use them?

This is the beginning of an important arc for Lilyfeather, and there needs to be a planned structure.  I'm glad the Mortimer part was brought back because build-ups with no pay-off is not good writing.

I'm waiting for the next part so I'll hopefully be proven wrong.

omg, I had totally forgotten about the whole "Mortimer buying people's souls" thing XD I'm so glad we get to see some consequences of that!
I really like the color palette choices in this even if the execution is a little rough around the edges.
I think this is an interesting way to finally launch the demon-marriage arc. It's definitely unexpected, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing depending on where the story goes next. I can see this whole accidental arrangement leading to more disputes with demons trying to contest the fine-print, or Mortimer changing his mind about not wanting Lily. I think as a self-contained episode, the story here is well constructed and I was entertained. Taken in the grand scheme of Lily's arc, it does seem a little anti-climatic, but I think some judgement has to be reserved until we find out more about the consequences of these events, since Shen said this is only the beginning.
All that to say - I can't wait to see more!
(Shizana's on standby if Lily needs to cry on someone's shoulder about the woes of marriage >3o  )

A lot of people here have already touched upon some of what my main critiques are going to be, but let me bullet point it for easier reading.

+ I wish the lines were tidier. I get what the coloring style was attempting, but the style of the lineart with the colors just makes the overall look a little untidy.

+ Spell checking would've helped. Maybe refer to an outsider just to make sure there were no typos.

+ The bucket tool is amazing to use, but in some programs it may not fill completely. There are some pages where there's an outline of white around the lines that could've been quickly fixed by adding a layer underneath everything and filling the document in with a suiting dark color. (Pages 9 and 13 for example)

+ Speaking of page 9, I understand the effect the two of you were going for with the horns and fist going in front of the panel, but-- and this critique goes for the rest of the comic as a whole. Just double checking for quality would've found that the panel lines were still covering the horn and fist. Along with the jarring white outline most likely caused from the bucket tool.

Now that the critiques are done, let me get on to the positive!~
------------------------------------
+ I actually love how Mortimerr's outfits remains white with no shading on it. It adds to the mmystiiiique and eerie factor of the demon.

+ I like the overall tone of the comic and I found myself eagerly clicking the next page in anticipation. I was thoroughly entertained~

+I DIG the paneling for the comic! It was really effective and helped with the pacing of the story.

Overall nice comic!

TLDR: Always double check for koala tea.

I can't wait to see how both characters move on from here!

I dunno man, I guess maybe not every single comic, but I wouldn't consider 2014 super recent either?

 

Well, I guess it just feels like the matter is resolved? I don't know why Lily wants out so bad, for all intents and purposes she's free. Is she still like going to be forced to live in hell? and if so, why? Clearly Mortimerr can go where he wants, so why not her? I don't mean to be harsh, I guess I feel that this start really deflates alot of the dread that you've built up over the years?

I'm eager to see this trashfire of a marriage happen tbh. I'm very excited to see what and how Lily deals with this new development, having the thing she didn't want the most thrust upon her

As for references for Lily being a 'sexy lamp'; I don't think demons are a progressive sort. Having her dad talk down to her and treat her as a bargaining chip seems pretty inline to how the personification of evil things should act y'know

Im not sure how to feel about all the references to Lilly being an object even by her father's own admission "you break it you buy it" like a literal sexy lamp and the fact that Lilly kinda takes a back seat to everyone else controlling her literal fate. Honestly I dont even see what the consequences of her marriage is she is still free to pursue whatever she wants now without having to worry. Overall the art looks great im just not sure what to take from the story.

...Wait what?  Yes that's an exaggeration.  The contract thing was not a development from the beginning.  That's actually a pretty recent development in comparison to the rest of the character's run.  

I'm sensing whats happening here is this is being treated like the end of Lily's hell arc, and an anti-climactic end at that. It isn't- it's just the start. Something had to start it and here it is.

Hrm. Well This comic is alright in and of itself, it looks well enough and the dialogue is solid(aside from the typos), but I can't help but worry about what this comic means for Lily's overarching narrative. The contract has been a center point of Lily's character from very early on, with much of her character development revolving around it's looming deadline. I don't think it's any exaggeration to say that her entire run on void has been leading up to this moment, and with that in mind this feels like a really weak way to cash it in. This is treated like a tragedy, but honestly this is the best possible scenario for Lily? Mortimer has been denied the dowry that made Lily's hand oh so desirable in the first place, and shes left with a powerful demon husband that doesn't seem to care about her at all? So the terms of her contract are fulfilled, and she's free to do whatever wants. Like there's still the matter of the sixty souls, but I mean there's not like there's a deadline or anything. Hell, Lily herself forgot about it!

Damn, that was a great read! Why must you guys tug at my heart like this??

There are a few spelling errors in some places and maybe the lineart could be a touch tidier, but that's just me nitpicking. Aside form that, I really dig the colour palettes used here. Great work you two! Can't wait to see where Lilyfeather goes from here ~

This takes place on Halloween and follows LeFred's story in 2016 Halloween collab party (3 pages starting here) http://entervoid.com/view.php?id=5855&side=1&iid=47