Orion: I enjoyed the overall story of your comic! Especially the ending, it was very heartwarming. Gotta make sure you've got the ghost's permission before you go modifying their home! I think my biggest critique is that page 2 is a bit confusing; I'm still not sure whether Miwesa was intentionally trying to hurt/scare off the handymen or whether that was just an unfortunate coincidence. I feel like it's supposed to be the latter, but the second panel (first in the trio of past handymen) makes it look like she was deliberately trying to get his head cut off. I also have to agree with G.Lo in that page 4 is a bit chaotic and could've used a bit more negative space or something. That being said, I really enjoy the slow drooping of David's expression on page 5, and you seem to have a pretty solid grasp on making grayscale work without becoming too muddled!
Yarn: Once again, gotta agree with G.Lo, fantastic watercolor work! It gives the whole environment an artsy, almost film noir-y feel, somehow. I especially love the way you layered the blue on page 2, the panel with the rear view of David--really gives a feeling of depth to the environment! I really wish there was more too it though, because it feels like it ended just as it was getting good. I also wish there had been a bit more detail put into the first two panels of page 2, since it's a little hard to figure out where those are set in relation to the surrounding scenes.
(whew, first critique... hope it helps! and great job to both of you, really! I feel like I had to nitpick a bit to find good critiques!)
Bootcamp Round Robin: Set 2 / David Birch vs. Miwesa
Critiques & Comments
# 5
Posted:
May 29 2019, 11:05 PM
# 4
Posted:
May 28 2019, 08:05 AM
Orion:
This was such a cute story! I really loved the character interaction and this was a fun way to finally be able to break the communication barrier Miwesa always have!
I feel like the story flowed smoothly and your panel composition was great! Really my only critiques would be about a couple of things. Panel gutters-for the most part you didn't need them but on page 4, things start to get a bit crowded and I think panel gutters would have been helpful in making things a little less crowded.
Page 1 confused me a bit, and I honestly am still not quite sure what is happening. You have the David at the outside-looking gates beside an outside street lamp of an apartment complex, but it all looks enclosed inside a building... So the first page kind of threw me for a loop as to establishing where we were.
And that's really about it! Great work!
Yarn:
I loved the monochrome blue you had going on with the first couple of pages! I really feel like you excel at conveying the emotions/moods you want with your watercolor work. I also feel like you really worked those values on the second page which look wonderful! Obviously I'm heckin bummed it wasn't completed- WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE LIGHT?! Aside from the incompletion, I think my only other gripe is the first panel on the first page. The roof and upper half looks really good and then it looks like you gave up on perspective on the way down, which turned it sloppy. I'm assuming that was probably a time restraint though.
Aside from that, I hope we get to see the rest of this soon! It looks like you had some interesting character development planned for this one and I wanna seeeeee.
Good job guys!!
This was such a cute story! I really loved the character interaction and this was a fun way to finally be able to break the communication barrier Miwesa always have!
I feel like the story flowed smoothly and your panel composition was great! Really my only critiques would be about a couple of things. Panel gutters-for the most part you didn't need them but on page 4, things start to get a bit crowded and I think panel gutters would have been helpful in making things a little less crowded.
Page 1 confused me a bit, and I honestly am still not quite sure what is happening. You have the David at the outside-looking gates beside an outside street lamp of an apartment complex, but it all looks enclosed inside a building... So the first page kind of threw me for a loop as to establishing where we were.
And that's really about it! Great work!
Yarn:
I loved the monochrome blue you had going on with the first couple of pages! I really feel like you excel at conveying the emotions/moods you want with your watercolor work. I also feel like you really worked those values on the second page which look wonderful! Obviously I'm heckin bummed it wasn't completed- WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE LIGHT?! Aside from the incompletion, I think my only other gripe is the first panel on the first page. The roof and upper half looks really good and then it looks like you gave up on perspective on the way down, which turned it sloppy. I'm assuming that was probably a time restraint though.
Aside from that, I hope we get to see the rest of this soon! It looks like you had some interesting character development planned for this one and I wanna seeeeee.
Good job guys!!
# 3
Posted:
May 26 2019, 12:44 PM
I LOVE YOUR SIDE ORION!!!!!
# 2
Posted:
May 25 2019, 05:20 AM
(can't wait to see your half! this was great fun and I'm glad I got the chance to battle you!)
# 1
Posted:
May 25 2019, 05:20 AM
Uploaded and Ready to go. Hope you like it, my enemy/rival in art! >: )
Sparring Match
Drawing Time:
2 weeks
Ended:
Jun 1st, 2019
Votes Cast:
16
Page Views:
1592
99 Problems and a Cat
Croi Desai vs. HR99
@ 12:30 AM Apr 23rd
einsam
Colbitzer
@ 3:32 PM Apr 17th
Birthright
Saal, Louise Ambre-Aliona, and Llaana
@ 3:44 PM Apr 16th
Help Needed
Theakon
@ 2:19 PM Apr 16th
The Great Switcheroo
Louise Ambre-Aliona vs. Luniel Gekka
@ 3:26 AM Apr 15th
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
|
248 Guests, 1 User
Most Online Today: 284.
Most Online Ever: 1,184 (Jan 13, 2020, 06:21 PM)
Think Tank
Orion: This made me smile hahahh, good emotions and expressions and I like the idea with David using the keyboard to communicate! I like the quiet moment on page 5, the pacing there is great!
Yarn: I love the blue tones you chose, they fit great with the mood! This is super intriguing and I want to see more- I also like how you connected it to the previous battle in the first couple panels!