Merry Softshoe vs. Wictor

Merry Softshoe vs. Wictor

by Pita

Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference

by Wirecat

Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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# 11   Posted: Feb 19 2018, 06:55 PM
I think you both came to this with some fun cartoon hijinks, but it fell apart with the punchline.

Pita: They are all so gosh darn precious. I can just see that cartoon playing with Wicktor in the role of big bad wolf. But am I out of the loop, and this is a reference I'm not getting? Merry whistles for help.... and it comes. I know old cartoons end suddenly, but after a buildup like that I was expecting something a little more... punchliney.

Wirecat: Plenty of cartoons end with comeuppance, but because so much of this is spent on Merry in a survival situation before we see him not just abandon Wicktor but rub it in, it feels less like where we can iris out and end the cartoon and more like where the second half should start up because now it got real.The visuals for this definitely get better as the comic continues. The artwork really shines in the latter pages, I think.

Approval Committee
# 10   Posted: Feb 19 2018, 05:54 PM
PITA- I like that this went full scale saturday morning cartoon in silliness. You had some funny gags, but I kind of wish the characters themselves were pushed just as much. Their reactions and facial expressions were rather contained. For all the madcap shenanigans afoot, I wanted to see more exaggeration. Gags-wise, I agree with the confusion as to the tree branch gag. If it needs to be explained via comments, then its not coming across well. A different angle or extra panel of Wictor inspecting the stationary branch may help.
You do quite a number of medium shots in this comics, giving what should be dynamic funny gags something of a pall. Really try out some various angles of showing off your events. Mix it up.
Another point of note is something I think both you and your opponent had issue with. Your backgrounds do the job, but only just. Its clear your point of interest panel to panel are the characters themselves wheras the background feels like an afterthought. Really dedicate the time to give the world they're adventuring in some personality. Also keep an eye out for consistancy. You start off with see through word bubbles (which cover up a great deal of your background on the first page and end up with a buncha busy lines mixed up with text), and when we get t page two the word bubbles have changed completely.

WIRECAT- Love love LOVED your facial expressions. I found myself laughing at so many panels simply because the way you went extra on Merry's reactions. I like the 'Italian hand pinch' pose on page 11.
That said, these guys were acting in a vacuum. From the get, I had no idea where they were, what the were doing or even that they were trapped in a hole until someone mentioned it. I cannot stress enough the importance of backgrounds- having a cool soil/sediment or bones linig the hole ,more of a disarray in the construction site, or even having Merry walking through different districts of void would've made those pages so much more interesting.
I do like your rough pencily style (I wanna know what brush you're using), and you were on time constraints due the deadline, but I definitely wanna see your work fleshed out with some spot blacks and shading.

# 9   Posted: Feb 17 2018, 07:34 AM
Pita: I loved the Looney Toons style narrative! And getting to see more of Merry's family was fun. I think the action with the branch on page 3 could have been clearer if the camera was zoomed out a little and in a position to show us the entirety of the branch. Clearly defined silhouettes of characters and props is very important for slapstick cartoon comedy. This was a very cute read! ^_^

Wirecat: I think this is a clever story and you did a good job with the character acting. The kind of storyboard-esque style of the beginning walking sequence is intriguing. Is it a functional walk-cycle that you could turn into a gif or something of Merry walking through the city? That could be fun to experiment with in future comics where you have more time. I thought the last scene where Wictor uses his tongue to get out of the hole could have been staged better for more impact. For example, in the first panel you could have Wictor already coming out of the hole behind Merry a little bit, and have the construction worker already reacting to it, that way you don't even need panels 2 or 3. That would free up space to turn panel 4 into a larger scene with a camera angle that really highlights Wictor rising up on his tongue and looming over Merry, like <a href="">this</a> or <a href="">this</a>, to increase clarity and drama.

      Edited Feb 17 2018,  07:36 AM by Rhimwill

Think Tank
# 8   Posted: Feb 13 2018, 09:15 PM
IM confused what happened on page 3, i suppose its meant to be that the lamb sibs pushed wictor or something? i cant really tell how he went flying.

Wictor pulls back the branch, it doesn't snap back on his release.  He inspects it, then it snaps back into him to send him flying.  Classic toonish comedy writing.

Global Moderator
# 7   Posted: Feb 13 2018, 08:46 PM
Pita: very cute, like an old looney toons short! NGL i half expected this to hard-left me and merry's sister ACTUALLY gets eaten by Wictor lol. I liove how delightfully cartoonish it is lol. IM confused what happened on page 3, i suppose its meant to be that the lamb sibs pushed wictor or something? i cant really tell how he went flying. Art is cute, little sparse sometimes especially towards the end but im sure youre aware of that.

wirecat: omfg you draw the best Merry, i love his furry little lamb feet and his HILARIOUS grumpy expressions. wictor is hilarious, its great to see characters so charmingly stupid lol. There backgrounds you did were really great but theres a loooot of blank white negative space. I think you should consider utilizing more hard shadows and spot blacks. making the background in the manhole scene all black might have even helped it read better that he had fallen into one, as i had to blink a moment to understand the setting at first. But your gestures and expressions are spot on, and the writing is super cute.

great battle you two!!

# 6   Posted: Feb 13 2018, 05:54 PM
Fantastic work from the both of you! :Dc It was certainly a joy to read both of these, all in all!

@Pita, I love this gimmick of Wictor being the rubberhose styled, classic villain! And props on being able to do as much as you could within the given time limit. The dialogue was so cute, rhyming and all that.

@Wirecat It's definitely a shame that background was missing in some panels, but what was missing didn't leave me confused on what was happening, the characters actions certainly saved the day on that part. Props to you for doing what you could as well, and I adore your linework in this!

Think Tank
# 5   Posted: Feb 13 2018, 12:00 AM
I'm proud of the script for this one.  Very simple.
I hope you like it! :D

# 4   Posted: Feb 12 2018, 05:13 PM
I had wanted to do more for the background in certain panels, but I have work tomorrow and have to go to bed, so you're all getting the comic as it is! : D

Think Tank
# 3   Posted: Jan 31 2018, 10:05 PM
Hyped to see this fluffy fight come to fruition!

# 2   Posted: Jan 29 2018, 02:54 PM
OH this is gonna be some kinda wild!

Think Tank
# 1   Posted: Jan 29 2018, 11:34 AM
From the archives--
Merry and Melody in Forest Folly!

This is gonna introduce Melody to y'all and you're gonna feel a feeling.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Feb 19th, 2018
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 618
Winner: Wirecat


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