Vanishing / Miwesa

Vanishing — Miwesa

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yarnwitch
Artist
303 comments
# 14   Posted: Aug 15 2017, 07:02 PM
Thank you everyone! This ended up as something really experimental, and I'm happy it paid off a bit. I really appreciate the feedback you all have given and i'll look into working on those things right away.

Kozispoon
Artist
1211 comments
# 13   Posted: Aug 14 2017, 11:15 PM
Love your choice of media. This comes off frayed- almost like a memory, or intimate moment. A momentary haunting no one ever see's.

While you give a nod to your character development and the events in the city of void, this comic feels like you set the stage for a performance that never seems to arrive with this battle. you have some tells like the poster on the telephone pole that feel like hooks to further the characters motivation and the readers interest, but then Miwesa keeps floating on, and I'm left rather deflated. I really wish this was a collab as I feel this should keep on going and an encounter should happen, but it doesnt :/

Flutterbyes
Artist
299 comments
# 12   Posted: Aug 14 2017, 02:23 PM
This is a nice look. The combination of drybrushing, white paint (?), and toned paper gives this an "extra" analog feel, which is is very different in this digital world.

petarvee
Artist
83 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 14 2017, 04:08 AM
Knock knock, open up the door, it's critique time.

Overall, I'm diggin the vibe that you seem to be going for. A rough drybrushed ink on recycled paper definitely compliments any sorta ghostly-happenings, so kudos on that. As a small tangent, scanning in blank pieces of this paper and finding the right photoshop brush can replicate these effects digitally with minor editing. Mostly bringin this up cause you mentioned traditional stuff costin tons in the Discord.

The Page By Page (Cause it's short):
Page One: The big no-no: Stacking on the left. Typically something you don't wanna do. Because, especially in this case, my eye goes from "I feel..." to "Why" because of the natural tendency to read left to right first before reading up to down. This whole dealio coulda been pulled off with one long panel on the left and the segments on the right for so much more clarity. The last panel on the left column is pretty hard to make out without a bit of staring, but I read it as just a tone-setting panel, so it didn't super phase me.

Page Two: First panel, rockin it. Second panel, pretty good, maybe some smattering of mark-making in the black area to indicate the surface she's floating above. Third panel's a bit too zoomed in to immediately read as her dress, so it's a bit jarring. Fourth panel I'm really diggin. DEUS stands tall and recognizable, and the buildings are *almost* there with the drybrush style. Look into Lino-cut cityscapes. Those tend to have a similar look.

Page Three: No real issues actually. Your strongest one in the BB!

Overall: The big note here would be just to add backgrounds. Or at least, add em at the start of a scene. If you really knock it outta the park with the first establishing shot of a scene, you can coast a bit, drawing bits and pieces til the next scene. And for the writing: It was pretty fair. Nothing wrong with it but nothing too engaging or gripping. The hands-fading-away put a timer on things, which works, but if it were to a more important area, like the face, it would read a bit more traumatically.

William_Duel
Community Manager
943 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 13 2017, 02:29 PM
I like this as a sort of prologue and it's nice to see you trying out other tools.  I think what you've tried to accomplish is excellent for your character's state of mind and where she is at in her journey.  That said I feel like a lot of this comic lacks clear details.   Especially in the backgrounds.  

There's a few technical things I think you should focus on in order to level up your art in this style.  

I'm still not completely sure what the background is or what the fifth panel is on the first page.  Even leaving it black might have lent itself to a more atmospheric piece.  I think part of the problem is that there's not much care or attention to the backgrounds.  They're all really thick lines with no real detail.  I feel like she's standing in Deus' shadow but that's not entirely clear.

Don't be afraid to use establishing shots to set a tone or mood.  

It becomes clear to me on the second page that you needed to take more time defining these shapes.  The white you used should have been used to this effect.  When playing with a loose style, it's important to imply shapes, to give us a sense of what we're seeing.

I'm not particularly fond of the crosshatching here.  Crosshatching generally gives a sense of depth and shape as well as shadow.  Your placement is haphazard and clashes with your light sources.  It serves loosely as texture.  Practice crosshatching shapes some more.  The tighter the crosshatch the darker that spot is and the more open it is, the lighter that area is.

I'd like you to give more thought to flow and pacing.  Think about how you're guiding the reader through your comic.  That sort of thing comes through experience and from reading other works so you come to understand it better.

If I were to give any recommendations as examples to look at, I'd look at Tsutomu Nihei and how he implies complicated designs without actually going into excessive detail (Sometimes.  His architectural designs tend to be deeply detailed as he comes from that background.).  For atmospheric pieces, I'd recommend Shuzo Ishimi who is able to make the mundane seem moody and suspenseful.  

zee
Artist
132 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 13 2017, 11:27 AM
The tools you used for this style are just perfect for setting a mood. It's always refreshing to see new methods used too.
I look forward to your comics because they really have their own feeling, being traditional where most art here is digital, it makes your stuff stand out!
And poor Miwesa, can't wait to see more of her soon!

Corn Of The Breads
Artist
154 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 12 2017, 10:28 AM
Id say this was very experimental of you yarn but it came out amazingly, I dont think every panel translates extremely as to what i am seeing too well but I think each has this energy of despair lending to this atmosphere of darkness the entire comic is dripping with.

Rhimwill
Artist
97 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 11 2017, 07:33 AM
I'm loving this style! It reminds me of black and white charcoal drawings, which I love. I think it would benefit from better-defined outlines on objects. Panel 2 on Page 2 is very nice because all of the lines on Miwesa are nice and clean. The audience knows what they are looking at, and the clean lines provide an attractive contrast to the rough interior hatching. When it comes to objects in the background of the panels, though, their outlines are too loose to identify specific objects. It might seem odd to use straight lines and rulers in a style that's meant to be messy, but I think it would add polish and clarity to the comic. I hope Miwesa can find a friend to help her out of this rut! I see that camp poster at the end there ;D I hope we get to see this precious bab in the Summer collab!

Animeshen
Artist
1490 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 9 2017, 04:06 AM
GORGEOUS art, little confused what Im looking at on the last panel of page 1 but i appreciate all the negative space and I love the lonely feeling of the very last panel. I can see the conflict presented here in Miwesa's fear of vanishing, but rather than prefacing an arc it feels like not very much story happens. If this was meant to be a prelude to the summer comic, as im noticing a poster, you may have needed to spend a little bit more time having her consider the poster, and what the possibility of going on this trip might do for her. But this is super pretty I love your traditionals!

!bangarang!
Artist
43 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 8 2017, 08:24 PM
So pretty!!

UndeadOrion
Artist
46 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 8 2017, 07:48 PM
I agree with the others in wanting just more. Because I love this style so much!

JCee
Artist
424 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 8 2017, 07:44 PM
Loving the look of the pages with those inky spot-blacks <3

And like some others have mentioned earlier, I wish there was more content to this because the setup was just so interesting. I really want to see where this would go for poor Miwesa. But for what we have here, it's a neat little insight into Miwesa's current predicament! Keep it up Yarnwitch!

Heathen
Artist
462 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 8 2017, 10:26 AM
I would've liked to see a bit more from a beyond battle, in terms of content. A character being stuck in limbo for three pages can work, but those three pages need to give us some really good introspective character development. And since there's no deadline on a BB, there's little reason this couldn't have been the first quarter of a 12 page comic that actually goes somewhere. That said, the art is great, and it does leave me wanting more. I just would've liked a little more here and now. Looking forward to seeing how Miwesa finds a way to save herself from this terrible fate!

Radji
Artist
623 comments
# 1   Posted: Aug 8 2017, 08:30 AM
*HEAVY BREATHING*
MUST SAVE THE SWEETPIE !!!!
oh god whats happenin' to our sweet ghost ??? i hope she can find help

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Beyond Battle
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Aug 14th, 2017
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