the ocs made by pan (warning for fish boobs)

the ocs made by pan (warning for fish boobs)
« on: Nov 08, 2013, 07:54 PM »
So this is my character, Nitor, and I just wanted people's opinion's on her before I submit her? I really want to know what I should improve on.

Nitor is kind of a jerk. She's lazy, arrogant, and orders people around, then gets pissed at them when they don't follow her orders EXACTLY. She expects people to treat her like a princess, even if her status as royalty is no longer a thing, and hasn't been a thing since she was very young (presumably, she might have just made it up).
Despite being all this, she's a pretty good fighter, both above and underwater (though she has an advantage in water). She will stab, slice at, or in some way try to make an open wound, then knock down down her opponent and stick her fingers in the wound, which seems weird, but is effective, as she's poisonous. Really, really poisonous.
Seriously, don't let her touch any open wounds, because there's a reason that's her strategy.
She is not especially fast, but she's strong.
She has limited water breathing capabilities, and while her gills can't support her for very long, she can store a lot of oxygen. She is a powerful swimmer and can see well underwater and in the dark, but has somewhat impaired vision above water and in bright light.
Her 'hair' is actually more of a storage space for fat and some air.

No one really knows where she comes from, but she has a lot of money and claims that she is a princess that was stolen from her family at a young age. She just sort of... showed up.

She has a huge weakness for poisonous mushrooms, and will eat them if she can find them. They're most likely what makes her so toxic.

Her intro comic has two pages so far, I'm not sure if I should add more:

« Last Edit: Jan 25, 2015, 02:05 AM by pantalaimon »

Re: Nitor
« Reply #1 on: Nov 08, 2013, 08:38 PM »
Looking good! I like the character design a lot! You may want to consider varying your camera angles a bit more in the future, because at the moment everything is pretty much the same sort of shot.
Kittens wearins mittens

Re: Nitor
« Reply #2 on: Nov 08, 2013, 08:48 PM »
Aah thank you!!
That sounds good, I can see where it would look better. I'll keep that in mind in the future.

Re: Nitor
« Reply #3 on: Nov 08, 2013, 09:07 PM »
WHOA! I love her design! So cool. I'd like to see some more intro pages, personally. I'm wondering how you draw backgrounds that are a little more complex. It's not much of an intro at the moment, she flops up out of the water... now what? Definitely leaving us wanting more... why not add a little more?

Re: Nitor
« Reply #4 on: Nov 09, 2013, 05:29 AM »
Loooving this character design! she looks like she watched out of the pages of some Indian fairytale. I think the fact she's so striking and detailed really makes your environment and comic backgrounds seem rather crude and rudimentary. I'd love to see you putting the same amount of attention you give your fighter to the world she's going to be mucking around in. I second Red in saying this intro could use some more punch. As it stands it is pretty 'meh'.

Still, a design sheet and comic pages that we didn't have to wait a month to see is a promising start. Looking forward to seeing more!

Re: Nitor
« Reply #5 on: Nov 09, 2013, 11:33 AM »
I agree with Red that you could try to develop your backgrounds a little, but other than that this is a gorgeous intro comics and character design! I'd be really excited to see you get her in!

Re: Nitor
« Reply #6 on: Nov 09, 2013, 12:18 PM »
also you would greatly benefit from the use of proper borders and gutters to break up the panels throughout the comic
-draw like you love it.... not like your mom told you to do it-

Re: Nitor
« Reply #7 on: Nov 11, 2013, 12:12 AM »
I got a third page done, and tried to make it a little more detailed, especially in the background area (it took ages, but I think it's pretty successful)

I hope this shows more of what was intended.

Re: Nitor
« Reply #8 on: Nov 11, 2013, 10:01 AM »
This last page is fantastic. The simple background works great. The little owl (little inconspicuous animals always make a page better better!) the strong lights and the window definitely help set apart the forground. If you took that one step further and added a little more detail upfront the page would be that much better. Anyway hope to see more soon!

Re: Nitor
« Reply #9 on: Nov 11, 2013, 10:31 AM »
I swooned when I saw your character sheet. You clearly put a lot of love and thought into her design, and the level of detail is fantastic!

...Which is why your intro pages aren't really doing it for me. The colors are beautiful, but the backgrounds feel like flat minimalist art that just happens to be hanging behind your character. The last page is definitely more interesting to look at (other than the fact that it feels like the whole thing has been cropped from its original size), but I can't help but feel you're using your artistic style to mask a lack of attention to environments. I know backgrounds can be a real bitch to draw (I think I spent about 20 hours on the opening shot of my last comic), but they can really make a huge difference to the reader.

So keep that in mind as you continue to develop your comic and draw more. And remember that you don't have to get everything perfect for this first comic, just keep working as you go! I can't wait to see what you bring us next! :)

Re: Nitor
« Reply #10 on: Nov 11, 2013, 10:39 AM »
Bobo totally said it perfectly. All the same points I was going to make. Definitely a post from A seasoned VOIDer to keep in mind.

Re: Nitor
« Reply #11 on: Nov 11, 2013, 02:14 PM »
Hnnghhh goddamn this character is so cool. The little head fin things totes remind me of axolotls, which I always wanted to make a character of.

    I think you can make the clean line-less backgrounds work, I agree that you just need to put some more time and love into the backgrounds. Be careful with depicting stuff as flat. You can totally put stylishly flat stuff every so often, but use it sparingly. Because you're working with mass, not with line, it should be way easier for you to suggest the thickness of a thing. Suggest space and dimension with your lights and shadows.

    I can totally see you starting to put some heart into this background, with that little string of lights and the small owl. That's great! Have fun like that, make a story up in your head. If you're having trouble thinking of intresting buildings, just look up some refs. After awhile, you'll build up like a little architectural wardrobe in your head.

Re: Nitor/October/Pan's Characters
« Reply #12 on: Nov 24, 2013, 08:54 PM »
NEW CHARACTER (yes, I am eventually going to work on the other comic pages but I'm lazy and this guy needs judging)

Meet October. He's a kind of minor demon called a Hunger Demon, which means that basically his purpose in life is to eat. This is generally what he does, all of the time. He's around 10 feet tall, and generally terrifies the crap out of people, but he doesn't actually mean them harm. Or at least, intentionally. He just kind of.... sees them as walking hot dogs, and acts accordingly, which means that people are probably going to be running around screaming because of him.
He's fairly dumb, but he's smart enough to talk a little bit, and understand simple concepts like who not to eat and who to (although he can forget what he learns very quickly, and often will eat the wrong person by mistake). Though the only language he speaks is English, for some very odd reason he speaks it with a Russian accent. No one knows why. It's probably a demon thing.
He doesn't have any magical powers other than being very hard to kill, and eating ridiculous amounts for his size.
He is not malicious and will not attack something unprovoked unless he means to eat it, however if he is threatened he will attempt to kill whatever is bugging him. He doesn't use his mouth for attacking, only his claws. If he can't kill whatever it is, he runs away, if he can, he will eat it.
The only things he can't eat are metal and rock (he can eat anything that was ever part of something alive, it doesn't matter how much it has changed since then), however he prefers live animals to plants or fungi or dead things.
If he doesn't eat for too long, which is about a day, he will go into a dormant state, and eventually start falling apart. This is the easiest way to kill him, imprisonment, but it would have to be a very carefully designed prison as he is very good at eating his way out of places, or breaking things using his claws.
He can also be killed by another demon or sufficiently powerful being if it slices him up enough. He does have blood and can die of blood loss, but he regenerates it quickly, making it hard to get him to bleed out.
He can feel pain and it does effect his ability to fight.
(note: his horns are not ears and they are rigid and don't move. his tail is not prehensile and just bounces around when he walks.)


The reason I'm posting him right now is that I need someone else's character for my intro comic. The idea is that he would be rampaging around, eating people, and someone would try to bribe him to eat who they want. He would probably agree, because his concept of friendship is 'I don't eat you, you give me things to eat,' and he doesn't notice nor care that he's being used.

Re: Nitor/October/Pan's Characters
« Reply #13 on: Nov 24, 2013, 10:51 PM »
This guy is looking awesome! Have you considered simplifying the patterns on him a little? I think they should still be on him in some form, I just worry the high number of them on his body could get tedious for you to draw over and over.

As for character in your intro, use who you want! Most Voiders are cool with cameos.
Kittens wearins mittens

Re: Nitor/October/Pan's Characters
« Reply #14 on: Nov 25, 2013, 04:41 AM »
I second Angie's comments. Most VOIDers live for cameos- it means we've made it! Ok, maybe not really, but we still like it! I think its ambitious you want to make an entirely new character just to have a realized source of conflict in your intro pages, but I personally think its not needed. Nitor is pretty impressive on her own and could totally carry an intro story without a stereotypical big-bad coming in to rustle up the tried and true 'chance encounter? fight!' trope.

Re: Nitor/October/Pan's Characters
« Reply #15 on: Nov 25, 2013, 10:38 AM »
Oh no, October is his own character that I made seperately! This is for his intro comic. I'm posting him to see if anyone could help, and I'm working on Nitor completely seperately.
I made October ages ago and I felt like he would work on here, I suppose it was a mistake to post him before I was finished with Nitor.

Re: Nitor/October/Pan's Characters
« Reply #16 on: Nov 25, 2013, 05:53 PM »
Man, these characters are fantastic. They feel so layered and complete, not only in their story but their design. I am also loving your color palette. I think what makes your final page more successful is the use of negative space. In the earlier pages Nitor is swimming (hehehe) in the negative space. Like the others I agree changing camera angles could give more interesting lines, and just adding a different visual element to break up the space.

Mostly I just really want to draw these dudes.

Re: the ocs made by pan
« Reply #17 on: Jan 25, 2015, 02:00 AM »
AHAHAHA WOW REMEMBER WHEN I WAS ON THIS WEBSITE I SURE DON'T
Actually I'm back and I'm in the process of drawing Nitor a new reference! A redraw of the intro comic will come soon after although there's something else I need to draw with a pretty urgent deadline so it'll have to wait until that's finished.
Here's the new ref (so far anyway, I'm going to add more information):

Re: the ocs made by pan (warning for fish boobs)
« Reply #18 on: Jan 25, 2015, 02:22 AM »
Please do it. She is so beautiful ;_;

...and surely you mean amphibian boobs

Re: the ocs made by pan (warning for fish boobs)
« Reply #19 on: Jan 25, 2015, 06:38 PM »
I REMEMBER.

welcome back! Don't leave again, I love this character!

Re: the ocs made by pan (warning for fish boobs)
« Reply #20 on: Jan 25, 2015, 08:58 PM »
GURL INDIVIDUAL OF AMORPHOUS GENDER WHERE YOU BEEN?? >=[
« Last Edit: Jan 26, 2015, 10:09 AM by Kozispoon »

Re: the ocs made by pan (warning for fish boobs)
« Reply #21 on: Jan 25, 2015, 09:31 PM »
You had me at fish boobs. <3

Re: the ocs made by pan (warning for fish boobs)
« Reply #22 on: Jan 26, 2015, 01:05 AM »
I wasn't actually going to keep the fish boobs but well you can thank my friend Rocket for them sticking around. They're not actually even fish boobs. She's not a fish. I just really like saying fish boobs
(also kozispoon sorry but could you not call me gurl? if you're using it in a gender neutral way I apologize)
But yup I'm back and my intro comic is on the way, or will be on the way at least by Friday.

 


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