[empiredog]

So I'm working on my first character for this site. I've got the design sheet pretty much done, but still need to draw out the intro. ((though I got that written too))


Here's what I got for info:

A rabbit spirit recently freed from his statue shrine. He's rather childlike and mischievous and has a nack for electricuting things.

Name: Einga
Age: several thousand but sounds and acts like a child.
Gender: male
Height: 4'7"
Weight: 95 lbs (anthro form) 235lbs (statue form)

Abilities include manipulation of lightning, electricity and wind. He can appear to teleport around due to his fast movement speed, and is often accompanied by the sound of thunder and static electricity in the air.

Has several forms, The white masked form is the appearance he takes when using the shapeshift crysal. He has to physically touch the crystal to take his masked from. The black, maskeless form is when he "removes" the mask. It sort of melts out of his body and takes a shape similar to the statue form. In this form he lacks most supernatural abilities but it still rather agile, and good at close combat melee.


If anyone's got any critiques or suggestions I'd love to know! ((also this site is so awesome and I'm really happy I found it ))

[Cracking Skulls]

Instant love, adorable design, awesome drawing skills, but I don't have much to say until I see some intro pages. Hope to see more, and Welcome to VOID!

[Wei Ingnan]

glad you found us too

don't waste valuable design sheet space with fields of text....if you consider it important put in in the bio....but I am VERY pleased to actually see some turn around images for a change

lets see some comic pages...and put some real people there so we can see your artistic range

[Angie]

Look forward to seeing some pages! I like your color palette.

[Red]

Precious! Please continue

[empiredog]

Here's a super wip of a intro comic page, but I'm not really sure what sort of style is expected for the humans that are drawn ((since I kinda want to keep it in a similar style to the character))  Anyways if you guys have any critiques or suggestions for this page I'd love to hear it cause I know stuff on here is wonky.

[Red]

Gah! Super cute!

First off, get yourself a proper comic font! http://www.blambot.com/fonts_dialogue_standard.shtml
I'm not sure if you were just slapping them in there for WIP purposes or not, but your bubbles need work. Also, you might consider outlining the bubbles in a color other than black? You don't really have any super dark blacks so it really stands out. Again, not sure how close to the finished product this is or if you plan on having black in your finished comic or not.

As far as the comic goes, try moving the "camera" around a bit. It's pretty much at the same spot the entire time so far. Meaning, zoom way out and give us an establishing shot. Zoom way in for dramatic effect. Mix it up a little. I feel like your comics are crammed in the panels, so try giving them a little more room to breathe.
Also, pay attention to the action and how the panels are flowing. On that second panel, he's kicking it upwards towards the first panel. Then in the third panel, the 'statue' is getting knocked in the face with the ball from the left. Just try to keep the flow of motion in mind for the future. It's not like what you have is bad, it's just that it could be better with small adjustments

But, I absolutely love your character, your colors, and your style. Keep it up!

[Cracking Skulls]

Like Red said, don't be afraid to zoom out more when it comes to your panels! Your panels feel claustrophobic and tight, panels 2, 4 and 5 being prime examples, giving more space helps not only establish a setting, and character placements, bit also gives you room to put your speech bubbles in.

[empiredog]

More updates. Redid the first page and tried the spacing more. Also the scene set image. Please excuse the super sketchiness. ((Going to totally make Sid and Claude characters after this guy.))

[Red]

WAYYYY better this time!

[Julz]

WAAHH!!! <333 I love this!!! Yess please continue, I look forward to battling you

[PyrasTerran]

me gusta

[empiredog]

Thanks for the critiques and comments guys! I look forward to doing some battles soon!

Also here's a color blocked first page; supposed to be nighttime. And then the sketches for the 3rd and last page. I didnt put the text in yet though cause I go back and forth between programs and it likes to mess it up.

[Wei Ingnan]

your text sizes are all over the place....don't resize text to fit panels...and hold yourself back on using size for emphasis.....planning for text and thereby the size of boxes and bubbles is part of the layout process

[Cracking Skulls]

it might just be my screen but the first and second panels are pretty dark to make out. maybe bump up the brightness just a tiny bit?

[PyrasTerran]

agreed let some light in~

[Wei Ingnan]

i thought it was darker because it was just in a heavily shaded area in the park or later in the day

[empiredog]

It's supposed to be nighttime and there's not much lights in that spot, but I can lighten it up a bit. Also I had the text vary in size due to the volume it was being spoken in. Should I just go the same size for all of it regardless?

[Wei Ingnan]

don't lighten it up....it will be more apparent in finished version

as for text size I saw what you were doing.....normally that would be done in seperate or near seperate bubbles....the way you are doing it just looks bad and disturbs reader


both text and bubbles/boxes can be used to indicate tone, volume and effect....use other methods(like italics for whispering or thicker bubbles for yelling/shouting) and use size less....also only use uppercase when somthing is being shouted

[empiredog]

Ah ok I see what you mean. I'll go through and fix up the bubbles.  Bubbles are always something I end up having issues with. Thanks for the example too.