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I went into this comic with no idea who your character was. And then I did. I think you hit a good mark there, like, almost a series type thing. If you were to continue this as a comic, I could just pick it up and go with it from here kind of deal. ( Mind you, I did go read Dred's profile after.) I think where you went wrong is the fight scene amidst the dream sequence. I was really confused with what was a dream and what was actually happening. I think that problem stems from the ambiguous action scenes. I really couldn't grasp what was happeneing. Almost like you are assuming I know who everyone on the page is, and where they are. There were a few panels where the lady was sleeping with a dude, then turning him into a monster, and then it cut to the monster eating what looked like the same dude? Was it the same dude? I don't know. Then these 2 shadowy dark ominous figures were fighting the monsters, but I couldn't identify them. They looked the same.
And when I could see them ,it really didn't make a difference because I didn't know who they were. Is there anything inherently wrong with that? No. If I were following your character from earlier on, it may have been much clearer. The thing is, you started off with a great 'Pick up and roll with it' aspect, but then lost me after that. Mind you, these scenes LOOK good. The visual aspect is really clear in the sense that, I know thats a monster and I know thats a person and I know that the monster is eating the person. You just have to work on your flow.
Although, after researching your opponent some more, and re-reading the entry a couple times over, I have a clearer sense of whats happening. Sort of.
Brilliantik-
I think you suffered the opposite of what your opponent did. What was happening in the entry was clear. They were at a forest clearing/waterfall, and thats where they stayed. The story you told, I followed. But I didn't understand. Even after doing a reasonable amount of research, I still don't understand who they are and what they are doing.
Albeit, this entry was rushed, so I can't really fault you on that. But I agree with Drawdan's comment. You could have told a story in the same manner that showed off more of your character other than a nice rack. I wanna see her face someone who simply cannot succumb to flirtation. This seemed more like a shower montage than anything else. And yeah, it was rushed, but you can still create something more intelligent with the same amount of effort.
Of course, don't read too much into this. IRL stuff comes first, and I commend you for prioritizing.
Exams > Internet comic contests.
To Sum Up-
Drawdan- Clear things up a little. Imagine your reader knows nothing about your or anybody's characters, and remember they won't know who someone is or what the location is unless you make it very clear to them. Other than that, keep doi'n what you're doi'n.
Brilliantik- Keep the flow, lose the montage. I know it was a rushed entry, so there really isn't much advice I can gibe other than what Drawdan said; Show more of your character.
Well, I suppose that would actually be show less of your character.
I dunno.
Whatever one makes more sense to you.
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893 comments
Drawdan: Nice man, for story alone I think you've finally got something going here that's caught my interest. I am agreeing with Hiemie that Boots and Dreads was one of your most unique characters, and I'm happy to see you're using them right now as part of a big story. However, due to the art being very inconsistent it kinda made this a pain to read at some points, mostly at the parts where the pencil work became a little too faded out. If you're going to do one thing, make sure it's consistent.
Overall despite the art not being your most top notch work I've seen from ya, I'd like for you to continue this story you've got going down, void battle or otherwise.
Brilliantik: Not bad, but this comic is begging to have a bit more depth to it really. For the art I am glad for the consistency on this, but I really think there also needs to be a bit more to this, some shading, cross hatching, anything to really give it a bit more substance overall. Pretty good, but I think you could do a lot more in the future.
Decent fight, but Drawdan's side won me over.
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i really like your comic! Fedra looks great on page 4! :)
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Go Drawdan go!
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good luck guys!