Ghemja: You certainly went above and beyond the call of duty in making ten pages. Be careful about keeping your ink lines--crosshatching and so forth-on the border lines but not beyond them. I suppose that can only be cured by going more slowly, since I have that same problem! The dragon shell one helped with her monster image, but Mao as a character is so easy to identify with that the monster correlation seems very illogical. Maybe you should play that part up more as she develops?

Scorpion: I\'m glad that someone else here besides me is inexperienced in sequential art. let\'s hear it for the newbie high-five! I recommend that you add more shading and texture--things are coming off as way too shiny and smooth, like bubbles. More detail would also be nice. Your panel order is very clear, which is excellent. Good job!

yeah I\'m learning slowly.  My 3 battles here have been my first forays into sequentials but at least I\'m improving.  

Ghemja did a wonderful job.  Hehe, you didnt think Hima would stick around to pay bills did you? *snicker*

yeah I\'m learning slowly.  My 3 battles here have been my first forays into sequentials but at least I\'m improving.  

Ghemja did a wonderful job.  Hehe, you didnt think Hima would stick around to pay bills did you? *snicker*

very nice 10 pages ghem! quality was nice tho the flow of it was really tricky with the boxes being so tight together and it was hard for the eye to follow, quite hard. i did have a bit of problems with the creativity of it, it seems very, very copied from naruto. actually to the extent where it took away from it for me. the big creature appearing from energy above her, the young thoughts of her being a monster, (and to a much lesser extent) the main and lesser branches thing. something looked like a cursed seal too, like sasuke\'s (that one just fit cause of everything else). now dont think i didnt like it, in fact im votin for you, sorry scorp . i just think you need to be more aware of the clear parallels with your story and naruto. even the crying shot looked fighteningly like hynata\'s (sp?) stuff when she was young. otherwise tho! i quite liked it, and 10 pages? damn, thats just awesome and crazy at the same time. very nice tho.

sorry about the delay, scorp! your stuff is certainly gettin better. i suggest doing your best from now on to get colour in these, it really pumps up your pages. id also suggest more line variance in your stuff. closer stuff gets thicker lines and farther stuff gets thinner lines, also puttin some slightly thicker lines on curves. otherwise im seeing some killer improvement!

[odd.. it ate the last of the first sentence]

heh yeah ... it\'s a bit used ... well, really used

hey scropion! i loved how you drew mao on page three ...
heh heh and mao will want revenge for that bill you rung her up .. lol funny

heh yeah ^_<! is a bit used .. well, really used .. but real fun to make ...

hey scropion! i loved how you drew mao on page three ...
heh heh and mao will want revenge for that bill you rung her up .. lol funny  

epicly cliche, but epic never the less. 10 pages is awesome. but the line art and border style made it really hard to seperate the panels and it took me a while to see what was going on in some pages. i suggest boxing some panels every now and then to give them some distinction from the rest. and i would have liked some more BG, but i know its 10 friggin pages, so awesome job never the less. hima\'s fight wasnt as impressive. really simplistic. it was bad, it was just straight forward, and theres wasnt much fighting anyways. but good effort on the colors

whoa, ghem, you\'re battle is EPICO. No offense, scorpion, but this is really killer stuff. Say, ghemja, did you get Mao\'s story from Naruto\'s Hyuuga Clan? Because it seems really similar with the whole main vs. branch family thing. Or maybe that\'s just a popular conflict in Japan?

lol, yeah that\'s how I usually am working till the last damn minute.  Maybe I\'ve learned my lesson...

tys voodoo ^_^ ...

and alright scorpion-chan ^_^ i just uploaded mine >_< [always at the last minute] ~_~! my story changed about 12 times  

already uploaded....now let\'s see if I can\'t come out of the F rank as I actually put some effort into this...that\'ll learn me to be a slacker

Get your Chopsticks out the Wonton has hit the fan.  I cant pronounce eithers of yous names but goodluck and fortune cookies to you both.

haha, this one is coming right on along

go scorpion! woo hoo .. [thinks] ..... .. wait shouldnt i be cheering for me ..