Heavyweight Tournament 2005: Round 1 / Drednaut vs. RedBlood Phill

Heavyweight Tournament 2005: Round 1 — Drednaut vs. RedBlood Phill

by drawdan

50.7%
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference

by Phill

49.3%
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference



Critiques & Comments
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drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 22  
Thanks for the input,..always appreciated-

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 21  
I did, but unfortunetly I never think about these things until the last minute when they'll probably be needed more. Thanks TRP and Dan (Skullcap dan right?)

PTPS
Artist
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60 comments
# 20  
I'm commenting again for Dan's sake. =P I'm not a good artist myself, but I'll just try to share what I've learnt from books. Pardon me if I seem to be talking stuff that's outta my league, but I'm just sharing what I know.

In terms of anatomy and compositioning, I think you've pretty much gotten it down. What I find you're lacking in would be the DYNAMITY (if that's even a word). Dynamic shots, angles, stuff. It's hard for me to explain, so I'll take a few examples from your side, and go further in depth from there.

Page one: "Dynamic compositioning." Clear cut, to the point, an assault while Dred tries to fend him off by charging up his attacks. Impressive? Quite, but not there yet. Even though there's foreshortening on the arms, and his stance is wide and ready to leap into the action, the picture is just... flat. Rigid. Cool, but not that wow yet. My suggestion for this page would be to get away fromt he symmetrical feel that Dred's body is giving to it: both sides of his body are almost the same, and by placing him smack-bang in the centre of the page this makes the symmetry all the more obvious. You can spice up this page by perhaps tilting the angle this was viewed in (45 degrees?), or perhaps drawing the ENTIRE scene from a worms/bireds eye view, to show the extent of the attack Phil is trying to pull off. Or even, Dred's face right close up to the viewer, with Phil in the background, strangling him or whatever he's up to. Get the picture? By changing certain things, a straight-on image can be made more interesting and eye-catching. (Page four's second panel has this problem of symmetry too.)

Bascially, try out different angles and shot to bring out the maximum impact in your stuff. Don't be afraid to venture out from more than what you have in mind: NEVER fix your comics, always experiment. I normally doodle out lots of thumbnails and rough sketches of "finished" panels before actually working on doing a page, and it helps. :)

Next example: "Expression and body language." The second page. It opens with a VERY good panel: this was what I was talking about in my last paragraph. We have foreground, background, and slight foreshortening going on, awesome. The next panel is just... :| what the hell? Judging from the difference in head size, I guess you wanted to portray Phil being in the foreground while Dred's coming up to him, but their positionings aren't clear. Dred's feet are almost directly behind where Phil's cloak ends. Also, Phil looks too upright to have been hurt that badly. Make him hunched over, maybe with a hand cupping his bloody jaw, to emphasize his pain. (by the way, if you reached over to grab a sword from behind your back, the thumb is facing down. As in, it'd be on the bottom, and not the top, of the hand.) The last panel is slightly odd, because now Phil's UPRIGHT, when he was on the ground in the last frame. Okay, so he got up. SHOW IT. His torso should have been slightly more twisted, with his hips still facing away from Dred, his chest pointing slightly towards his advancing opponent, and his arm fully extended in the attack. Dred seems a little too calm here as well to be shocked by the attack, though his body posture is good. Maybe make him open his mouth in a small grit?

And oddly enough, page three covers exactly what I wrote above. O_o; Consistency! Grr.

And yeah, that's all I have to say. Also, one a side note: Your lineart's kinda clumsy in some places, where it's SUPER thick. If you want, you can try using a brush pen to ink, I find it gives a lot more line weight and variation than markers or microns.

Hope I helped. *sweatdrops* ._.

Reign
Artist
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208 comments
# 19  
heh heh heh he said cunt.
Good work both of you and good luck!

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 18  
Hey voidsters-if ya got a sec-Ide love to get some feedback-I cant improve if I dont get some input-thanks..

Wyvern
Artist
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179 comments
# 17  
Whoa guys, I really really liked both of these.  Two of the best written fights so far in this tourney.  Props to you both, I don't know what else to say!

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 16  
Thanks trp, to be honest, the last two had no script whatsoever so it was as Kami put it Haphazard. Um... win or lose, I'm going to go with DD's idea for a storyline, but it'll be before his fight somewhat, mainly because I feel like I butchered James' character Johnny (then again, I didn't have much referance for johnny except a sideshot and a shadowy front shot). Thanks for the vote for the both of us.

PTPS
Artist
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60 comments
# 15  
Phil, I think you did an excellent job on the storyline this time. It was well written and thought-out, and the characters lines aren't as... well, Saturday-morning-cartoonish-feel as they were in your last two battles. Which is good. I really liked the change of character/interest for Dreds in the last few pages where RB actually managed to convince him. Good job.

Dred: Art wise, I think you'd have an advantage over Phil. Your storyline was good, but it just kinda seems less intriguing compared to Phil's; I think it's because of that element of surprise when someone actually submits a storyline that doesn't go along the lines of a fist fight. Still, yours was interesting, well thought out, with scary guys in green cloaks, so yeah. XD

And btw, check your spelling! Wth is "earlyer"? O_o;

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 14  
As far as your battle goes, I liked the art-the pensil rendering is strong-the story is a little on the uninteresting side, in my opinion. To say we are fighting just because we are in a tourney seems like the easy road to take. And if Phill hates fighting so much, why would he enter a fighting tourney in the first place. I would think he would need a deliberit reason to enter-something would have to be at stake. You wrote it like he was drafted which offcoarse isnt the case.You kind of wrote dreds like a self involved bully which is the opposite of his developing cgaracter. Hes actually very dilleberate in his actions and we wont go into a fight for careless reasons. At the core of what im trying to develope with dreds is a hero on the path of self discovery. He has a past that he's trying to unravel and build a life for himself at the same time. But the deck is stacked against him because he has powerfull enemies and at this point, few allies.Hes certainly not after fame or fortune, hes much more grass roots than that. I liked the sneeze-thats funny that we both used that(my stab at cat allergies on my cover-I really have those) Thats about all I have. When you write someone elses character your never gonna get it perfect, so dont worry about it, Im not. Just have fun with it and be happy with your best work. When it all comes down to it-its are own artistic spin on things-its like opinions-we all have them and their completely individuale.

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 13  
Welcome

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 12  
I hear ya...And your right-i did make the muzzle a little longer than I should have, but I think it only really shows in the panel were Dreds has him by the coat on the last page.Other than that, I was really happy with my version of Phill-He was alot of fum to draw. As far as being conversational..the reader comes in on the battle in mid stream-I wanted to jump right into the action, so most of the conversation would have already happeneed. Regardless of that-my take was that Phill had a file and hard evidence from the VPD that Dreds was a cold blooded killer-you can argue you this point if you like-but I dont beleive he would question it-nor would he be expected to. Any resonable person would beleive the facts presnted from a reliable source and given those facts, he's not going to be too understanding of a killer. I even went as far as to show that phill did some of his own investigating on the streets to try and back up his facts-even more evidence of his morality and dalliberation of the facts.As far as the drawing style goes, I drew him realisticly because thats the way I draw. In my opinion thats half the fun of these battles- to see your character in someone elses hand.You were right about the michael 22 battle-they were tryng to capture him-but since that didnt work-the tactics were changed in this one.And we had the same time on this one, sorry If I confused you on the 3 week thing-I misspoke myself.Over all I relly enjoyed this battle-thanks for your comments.

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 11  
Oh, and I'm kinda standing by my opinion of the story somewhat, mainly because in the battle with Michale 22 it didn't seem like they were trying to frame him, but capture him instead you see. So it didn't come off that he was being framed until the fourth page man. I'm not trying to attack your storyline or anything like that, but I do feel like there's a few holes missing from the storyline you've presented. I'm pretty sure others will agree/dissagree with that.

I've been meaning to do a beyond battle for quite some time and I think since we're both getting on each others nerves for some of the stupidest reasons, I'll make it up to ya and plot up something that can work with the begining of your battle and if possible the next one you might have.

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 10  
well, I do wish I had more time on this (I'm being a bit sour for some stupid reason, I thought that since you said you had 3 weeks I was a tad suprized and thought that this was planned a bit thurther ahead than I realized, and I found out about the match 2 days after it came up so I did have 2 weeks and 2 days to put something up so I assumed "foul play!"), and the only thing I kinda thought was wrong was that you could of shown my character to be a tad more understanding and probably had a bit more conversation between the two (To be honest, you did a hell of a better job than Yuyitron with my character). Other than that, you probably shouldn't of made my character that realistic looking. Because at first he came off as dog instead of cat man (gotta shorten the muzzle when it comes to cats) I have a slight problem in that area as well.

Basicly, my character is suppost to be very simplistic in the face and pretty much cartoony (not like Hiemie the Fishboy cartoony). So you got a pretty good idea of my character that I enjoyed, but he does need to be a tad understanding and willing to reason (if possible, think a mix of Vash the Stampede and Donald Duck) and maybe instead of the splash page for the first page, maybe you could of had my character looking at some photos of the fake Dreadnaught tearing somebodies head off or something, you know, set the mood for my character, give him a very good reason to be pissed lol. This is all my opinion though (I am very picky, but don't let that get to ya man, can't please them all ya know).

Well, you're currently beating me man so you must be doing something right, you need to tell me what you think about my comic man, I am curious.

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 9  
and the idea of Dred being framed for murder isnt just slapped in there-It runs along the same story line as my last battle against Michael22-My arch villian is just switching tactics as an arch villian often does. not to mention since both our characters are morrally good-you have to find some kind of conflict to pit them together without resorting to the obviouse"im fighting you because were both in the tourney" story line.

drawdan
Artist
icon
294 comments
# 8  
I did, I posted in the forums and you said the only thing holding you back was the entry fee. And, Toast emailed me saying that he would check with you before entering us after I offered to cover us both. I was speaking gereally when I said 3 weeks, our battle got posted 3 days after the tourney started so we actually had 2 weeks and 4 days. As far as your guy goes, I thought I wrote him dead on-but thats just me. I only had your bio and your previouse 2 battles to go from but I intrepreted him as a layed back character with good fighting skills who takes taking down murderes seriously. If Dreds was framed for murder, and Phill was inlisted by the police to bring him in, I thought he would do it without question. And the fact that he would get payed for the bounty is just icing on the top of a "I just searved some justice cake" Im dissapointed that you arent happy with my portrayal of phill, I was hoping you will-but I guess you cant please everyone. I would be interested in others opinions of my writing of Phill. If the overall concesus is that hes not written in character than Ill will have to work on that.

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 7  
Hope you don't mind if I comment on your half of the battle DD

Hmmm... personaly I think that the idea of a killer dreadnaught running around should of been more profound so that it doesn't feel like it was just slapped in there for having the two fight each other. I'm kinda dissapointed in the personality of my character somewhat, he is suppost to be a tad more reasonable than what you imagined.

Other than that, you comic is a lot better than I expected... and you said you had 3 weeks to work on this?! I only had 2 weeks to work on mine! >:(  I appreciate you entering me in the tourney man, but a little forewarning next time would be better so that I can give the battle my all. Oh well, keep it up or something?

yuyitron
Artist
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138 comments
# 6  
Hi guys.. a lot of time out..I'll come out with the last chapter of magician.. i get in to wish the best of luck to Phillip C. in this tourney fight

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 5  
Hey, just got done inking all the pages for my half of the fight, right now I'm just adding a little extra to them so that it doesn't seem too average to you guys and gals, I promise not to disapoint! (especially seeing as how I spent a couple of sleepless nights on this comic).

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 4  
BTW: I'll be on AIM tomorrow at hopefully around 6PM to Midnight Mountain time (trust me, you'll love my idea).

Phill
Artist
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895 comments
# 3  
Yeek! I didn't expect this to happen... well I'll put off my battle with Seel, hey DD, contact me via AIM, I've got some story ideas I'd like to run past you some time. You'll probably win this one for sure but maybe we can work something out.

drawdan
Artist
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294 comments
# 2  
Much props to Toast..thanks for lettin us squeeze in boss..

Graphyte Ronin
Artist
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113 comments
# 1  
Awesome, you guys actually got in.  Good luck to both of you, though I guess you guys have one day short here...

Comic Details -

 
Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jan 23rd, 2005
Votes Cast: 33
Page Views: 613
Winner: drawdan

 

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