Community Necromancy / Talon

Community Necromancy — Talon


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Crit level: No preference
tags: fairytale, garland, talon



Critiques & Comments
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Heavenbat
Artist
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14 comments
# 9   Posted: Jun 10 2019, 11:28 PM
The thing that stands out to me the most about this comic is the expressions--they're all so good and, for lack of a better word, expressive! Accurately conveying the mood and the tone of what's being said, which to me set the tone even better than all the cool colors.

As has been mentioned, though, the dialogue could use some work; it was a bit clunky and honestly brought me out of the story a couple times. Story-wise, I felt like there was room for a bit of improvement; the scene with the ghost, while kinda cool, didn't feel like it added too much to the plot, really. It was kind of just an event that happened without feeling like it contributed too much--which might've been fine in a bit longer of a comic, but with something this short you really need to have every scene have a purpose, I think. Personally, I feel like the scenes with the ghost could have been replaced with more interaction with Garland, to either make the reader believe he's truly a nice boss (so the reveal on the final page has more of a punch) or else to amp up the tension between Talon and Garland so there's more of a sense of relief when Garland offers to help.

Also I'm not sure how Garland was able to correctly guess what Talon's scars were from? There's nothing about those scars that scream "I've been using necromancy"... if anything, I'd think a stranger's first guess on seeing those scars would be self-harm? In that case it definitely feels like a lack of separation between character knowledge and artist/audience knowledge.

Still, though, overall a REALLY good comic, and I can't wait to see where this story leads!

Shen
Global Moderator
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1274 comments
# 8   Posted: Jun 10 2019, 10:26 PM
GARLAND GO AWAY YOU CREEP.
I'm mildly concerned about Garland being a non-combatant character because it makes the story youre building with him very difficult to follow. But you did do a good job of making him smart and terrifying. Poor Talon is throwing so much into his research, im worried soon he won't have anything left D=

BuggyPumpkin
Artist
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5 comments
# 7   Posted: Jun 10 2019, 10:48 AM
I honestly love this comic so much. Again like everyone else have said, these colors are so nice and cohesive and really help aid to the story. I also love the expressions in this comic. You can really feel Talon's fear when Garland powers up that machine and you can feel his frustration with the ghost. The sinister ending gave red flags in the best way and made me squirm in my seat.
I do agree that some of the lines could have been thicker, like on the fifth page when the machine fires up, thicker lines in the areas in shadow could have really pushed the lighting. Overall it's very well done. Great job you two!

G.Lo
Artist
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94 comments
# 6   Posted: Jun 10 2019, 07:39 AM
I feel like much of what I would critique has been mentioned below.

This was a nice story and I really enjoyed the encounter. I had to do a little research on Garland thought because I wasn’t too familiar with him. It definitely ended on a spoopy note and I do nOT trust Garland lol We’ll see what Talon uncovers!

As everyone has mentioned, Badger the color palette is gorgeous. It’s simple but conveys everything so clearly. I also like the addition of the warmer purples during the summoning fight. I agree with Elyan that the fighting could have been escalated a bit. The close up panels give the room a claustrophobic feel, and I don’t know if that was the intention, but maybe having Talon be thrown into a nearby wall would have worked better than being tossed across the room. I also would have liked to see the rooms have a little more stuff to fill them up and maybe some texturing on the walls or floors, especially in Garland’s room.

Arts your lines are looking super crips and better with each comic you do, but as Astro mentioned, ya gotta start working on those line widths. Play around with chonkier lines, through some heavy blacks in there!

You guys make a great time! Great job with this!

Elyan
Artist
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70 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 10 2019, 12:30 AM
I have to admit this was interesting though a bit ... shallow. somehow the tension didnt manage to build up for me even though the ghost had some sense of threat to it. BUT here would have helped some more dynamic scenes and stronger lighting to push the emotional effect.
Another thing that bugged me was the lack info beforehand. I struggled to find garland after reading your comic cause he´s out of nowhere and a random appearance to a outsider like me. At this point a little summary of Talons storyline and quick info of displayed characters at the beginning or tied in the comic itself would be cool. with that scorpion tale and obviously mischief going on i coulnd´t just accept him as a random encounter with no importance.
I think a simple footnote to guide to the npc threat would have been enough.

Maybe i´m alone with that opinion >.>

Flutterbyes
Artist
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174 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 9 2019, 04:59 PM
This story had a good sense of mood, and some nice body language and expressions. There's something very sinister about how Garland controls the scenes. I'm mixed on the use of color. The subtle shift between different blues and greens is very effective, but I wonder if it could have been pushed into a wider spectrum over the course of the comic.

Astrodile
Artist
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99 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 7 2019, 06:58 AM
A great collab between the two of you! I'd love to know who did which parts, so that I can give properly compliments to you two individually, but overall, I really enjoyed this comic. It is nice to finally see Garland participate /directly/ with a character on Void rather then indirectly as done previously, it really helps establish his character as an NPC to the Voidverse, and altogether this comic helps establish character to Garland more then any previous comic did in my opinion, as it is not just him talking to himself. It's also wonderful to see more of Talon-- Especially seeing him reach out and recieve help from others whether he truly asked for it or not. Seeing this character who has given off so many "Lone wolf" vibes up until these recent collabs finally started to do things that may certainly be out of his tastes is as enticing as it can be, it leaves me seriously wondering 'What's next for Talon?' because even though removing his curse is the main goal, obstacles and otherwise which distract from that one way journey really branch him out as a character.

The color composition here is entirely of cool colors, and warm colors are used minimally and only to emphasize certain events (I.E., page 5), which I find aesthetically lovely, though I would've loved to see more use of black spots on page eight, especially in that last panel, to establish the depth/ominous atmosphere that you two are representing here. Facial anatomy can be a bit wonky at times, but that is completely udnerstandable as you are two completely different artists working together for the first time on a collab like this.

To whoever did the lineart: I'd love to see you play with line width in terms of describing angles and weights. No particular nitpick I can describe here-- Just a suggestion!

I will have to admit, one of the weakest parts of this comic is the dialogue. There are grammar errors and punctuation, even the lack thereof, that does not particularly entice me to what the characters are talking about. The lack of punctuation seriously makes sentences feel long and like runons, I can't get a feel for when characters pause, the possible emotion their having in their dialogue, it just feels artificial as soon as I get to page 2 and Garland is talking on and on without an indication of breathing.

But all in all, great comic!! Can't wait to see more from y'all!!

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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1046 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 6 2019, 06:57 AM
Wow. wowie wow wow. Gads its always such a good feeling to settle in for some void time and end up reading a well rounded and compelling collab endeavor. This was just a full bodied dose of magic, mystery, intrigue and unsettling. What a combination!

Your colors even in thumbnail mode really show off how harmoniously you kept each page consistent- nothing looks out of place or jarring. The use of arts NPC was near perfect- totally unexpected combo, but once I saw it on digital paper their interaction couldnt be more right. What an interesting (and kinda underhandedly clever!) way for Garland to get what he wants. I especially dug the mystery of Talons arm scars. What's he been doing to himself? I'm glad you don't answer it here- I LIKE that a great deal wasn't spelled out in this BB. You let these moments breathe and entice us just enough to have us come back for more. I think the only real complaint I have is the dialogue with the occasional runon sentences and weird exposition. All in all though excellent effort you guys- this was really killer.

ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
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218 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 3 2019, 11:44 PM
As part of his community service, Talon has to work at the morgue under the supervision of a great boss.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jun 10th, 2019
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