Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 / Jamilia "JaJa" Rojas vs. Kiderance 'Kid' Wilde

Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 — Jamilia "JaJa" Rojas vs. Kiderance 'Kid' Wilde

by Footini

53.2%
673 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: invitational 2019, jamilia "jaja" rojas, kiderance 'kid' wilde

46.8%
592 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 8

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: comic, jaja, jaja rojas, kid wilde, traditional



Critiques & Comments
Please register or log in to comment


Kozispoon
Approval Committee
icon
1036 comments
# 7   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 06:00 PM
FOOTINI- Haha, what a cute and fun comic! I think my fav bit has to be the gag at the end with the 'Good job Waah' XD Great stuff.
You got some great humor and dialogue and the exchange between the characters didn't feel forced and totally natural. It isn't easy to find reasons to have two unlikely voiders team up, much less battle, but this was handled rather well.
I would definitely bone up on the action poses and dynamic angles. You got some intense moments here I wish were punched up with better composition. As it stands the straight on semi sidescoller from page to page kind of dulled the intensity for me.

PROJECTHALFBREED- What a cute and endearing style! It was great to see how you changed up your opponents look to suit your narrative. Just a pair of adorable gals taking ass and kicking names. I don't know if this is just a stylistic or 'in universe' choice, but I would be mindful of your head sizes. They're getting on the big side making all your characters look a bit like bobbleheads XD
I do notice your pages need clean up as you can still see the pencils amidst your inks. I know our forums have plenty of tips on how to achieve that, so I hope to see you in the discord- I know plenty of us would love to help!

Bobo
Web Dev
icon
892 comments
# 6   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 03:00 PM
@footini: I died at the callback with the tongue actually going "blelelelelele"! My main advice would be to make sure your font is at a size and shape that's readable. Blambot.com has some fonts that are better at being legible at smaller sizes, and planning ahead can get you far, as well. Great use of color and value to help separate objects and add drama to the whole thing! Can't wait for more!

@projecthalfbreed: your art style is so cute! I feel like your writing could use some work, as this story felt somewhat cliche for the most part, but I really liked the twist at the end where the goons were actually the people the delivery was meant for. I hope we get to see more from you, because I love your style and want to see you grow!

lefrafra
Artist
icon
6 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 04:09 AM
Footini: I howled in the Starbucks at gun-in-mouth.
Projecthalfbreed: I ship it.

lefrafra
Artist
icon
6 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 04:02 AM
Footini: I howled in the Starbucks at gun-in-mouth.
Projecthalfbreed: I ship it.

Flutterbyes
Artist
icon
166 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 15 2019, 01:28 PM
Footini: Blelelelele! I love your writing. You gave them some nice chemistry, and the gags were great! You're definitely doing the "outer outline is thicker" thing, which is good, but I think your drawings could use a little more line weight and variation, since just the flats make your characters look, well, a little flat, and as a result sometimes it's not clear what features I should look at first. And, of course, the Eternal Struggle, backgrounds.

Projecthalfbreed: Oh my gosh your art is cute. Really what's holding this comic back is the mismatch of the scans and the digital element. It looks like you haven't found a good way to scan your work so it can look its best (and better integrate with digital elements). If you're photographing it, see if you can optimize the lighting so your image comes out better. With a good scan/picture, the sketches should visually drop out since you have nice clear ink lines.

ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
icon
204 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 13 2019, 09:21 PM
Footoni: welcome to void and 8 pages with some color and grayscale is amazing for 1 week. I mentioned it before but you should try and find a program to help better with the font, since all your font is aligned to the left when doing comics you will want them center aligned and in general you will want the lines to form a sort of diamond shape, where the longest line of the dialogue is the middle part of the bubble. Also another minor thing is i would say make the borders for the panels a bit thicker, maybe it's just preference but they seem really small. also a quick way to clean up the page is making a new layer ontop and selecting all the area outside the borders so you can not have any excess color accidentally go outside the page. Besides those thigns this was a really funny comic and you did a lot of good stuff in it good job. The splash of red on the pages with the goop monster is a really awesome payoff.

PH: I love your style and your inks, I really like all the hatching you do for JaJa's hair. My main crit is with the narration for this comic. For me the blackbox narration doesn't work. It seems a little confusing for it all to be in the past tense and we never get the pay off for that. Generally when a narration is used in the past tense there comes a point in the story where the narration catches up to the present, but in this comic we don't get that and because we don't get that it comes off as her narrating things as they happen in the past tense. However besides that the story was really solid and your comic was good I look forward to seeing more since your style is really nice looking.

Heavenbat
Artist
icon
14 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 13 2019, 10:47 AM
Footini: Your comic was HILARIOUS. I loved all of the crazy expressions and stuff, and I LOVED all the little jokes in the shop about how this is totally a legit shop that sells stuff like dirt?? and "seeds". Comedy GOLD. However, one of the biggest things I noticed was the speech bubbles; in comics, you need to make the text so it's center aligned, rather than aligned to the left. It's not a super huge thing, but having the text all aligned to the left just looks off, visually. Having it aligned to the center makes the text feel more circular, rather than square and blocky. There's some bubbles, too, where the text doesn't quite fit in the bubbles; it looks like you made the bubbles first and then tried to cram the text in, rather than the other way around. Still, though, loved the story, and a really great job for only one week!!

P.H.: I also really loved your comic! Fantastic punchline there at the end, lmao. And great work on the backgrounds! Though... I'm not sure if it was a problem with the scanner or what, but the first couple of pages are weirdly kinda blurry which takes away somewhat from the clarity of what's going on. Also, the font you used for the internal dialogue isn't the easiest to read; if you want to use a different font from regular speech, I'd say make sure it's still fairly legible. Also, I know you know this already but next time try to make sure you have enough time to have someone proofread your dialogue. Regardless, though, fantastic job for a one-week comic!!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jun 17th, 2019
Votes Cast: 33
Page Views: 279
Winner: Footini
 

Add to Playlist -

 
 

Newest Comments -


Newest Characters -

 
Charlie Rosenberg"Faceless" FurioIrene VilanovaHajire Cloud & BeamSteinBombotCount BurmeisterVincent VasquezKoop & El Cuervo JR.AidenKit and JadeQuinton
 

Open Challenges -


Random Comic -



Latest Topics -

 
All News, All The Time 
Last updated: Staff Bot - Jun 23, 2019, 08:38 PM
Night out jam 
Last updated: JCee - Jun 23, 2019, 01:07 AM
Challenges Thread 
Last updated: Fearn - Jun 22, 2019, 12:52 PM
OberGoat Incubator! 
Last updated: OberGoat - Jun 22, 2019, 12:24 AM
Ink Spills - InkyBrain art dump 
Last updated: InkyBrain - Jun 21, 2019, 09:53 PM
 

Latest Members -


Users online -

 
105 Guests, 2 Users


[]

Most Online Today: 122.
Most Online Ever: 1,050 (Aug 30, 2015, 02:43 AM)

 

Original site Copyright 2002-2017 Kevin Birtcher All characters and content Copyright 2002-2017 their respective owners Theme by SMFTricks - Modified by Brittney Scott & Jordan Bobo