Bootcamp Round Robin: Set 3 / David Birch vs. Harvey

Bootcamp Round Robin: Set 3 — David Birch vs. Harvey

by Orion

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198 points
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

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ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
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215 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 24 2019, 10:40 PM
Orion: damn this is a very good story. The build up showing David's feelings about the situation is amazing in particular i think the panel 3 on page 6 sold me on this. Just that reveal is so good and the conflict and emotion David's going through is just strong. I do think it could have ben emphasized more if you pushed your emotions and when the panels called for it zoomed in on the face. Like i think when david was explaining how he felt a closer view on him with a stronger emotion and body language would have made the scene even more impact. Even then i was really surprised by how strong this story and it's emotional impact hit me.

Orion
Artist
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196 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 22 2019, 03:56 AM
Thank you all for your feedback on the comic. This one I feel is the best one I've made so far and felt like it helped with all the experience of the previous rounds behind me.

Elyan: The problem with page three was an issue yes. I got to the words pretty late in the game and rushed a bit so the layout of the bubbles doesn't quite groove as well as it is should (I am making edits to those now in anticipation to color and re-releasing this comic) so the flow of that panel was suppose to be a traditional left-to-right but I don't think I emphasized the bubble layout. I will make sure to make that more deliberate in the re-release so thank you for pointing out how that didn't quite read well.

Badger: Glad you caught that detail I was hoping I'd get away with a little cross comic continuity in this one for a short-hand of understanding so i am glad that landed! Again you were right on the speech bubbles. I ended up rushing them near the end of deadline and hopefully these will be much clearer in the re-release. I'm glad you liked my story, I've had a Harvey-David story in the chamber for a while so I am glad to have finally got some of it out.

Again thank you all for your observations. I can see that speech are a main issue in this comic and will make the best of effort to fix them come final release. if there are any other feedback before end of voting I'd love to hear them!

Badger
Artist
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30 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 21 2019, 12:47 PM
I really like how you continued from the last comic, and the reference back to the last round with the keyboard was a nice touch! There were a couple places where the speech bubble placement confused me on the reading order- on the bottom of page 4 I kept reading Harvey’s speech bubble in between the two bubbles from David, I think it should be placed further away so that it reads after David’s speech more clearly- and on the last panel on page 5 I read Harvey’s speech bubble before David’s bottom right bubble, you could move Harvey’s bubble to be further down and maybe more to the right? I like your story a lot, very nicely done!

Elyan
Artist
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70 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 18 2019, 11:50 AM
orion: cool entry there. much going on and the plot was sweet dynamic wise. i would say watch your panel layout here and there. page 3 panel 1 for example is wierd to read from top right to bottom left. if you had mirrored that panel it would have worked fine and be in line with the following panels. david on the left and harvey on the right. last on that page you break it up again but here it works for harvey gets into the dominant role by pushing david out.
aside from that i loved your entry. the plottwist and snapping of david for the haunting of miwesa. very cool.

Astro Sean: I hope nothing too bad happened.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1413 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 3 2019, 05:13 PM
your trials are nearly through! go out with a bang!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Sparring Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jun 24th, 2019
Votes Cast: 10
Page Views: 307
 

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