My Bloody Valentine / Remy Naufrage vs. Black Swan

My Bloody Valentine — Remy Naufrage vs. Black Swan

718 points
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Crit level: No preference

by JCee

685 points
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Critiques & Comments
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# 19   Posted: May 9 2019, 06:43 PM
Kozispoon: Really nice linework, attention to background details, and composition! The only thing I notice when reading it is the lack of 'depth' in a lot of the panels. I understand through linework that there is a foreground and background, but because everything is shaded so similarly, a lot of the foreground looks like it's sitting in the same perspective plane as the background. I think some variation of shading would help a lot--usually things in the foreground are darker, while in the background, things tend to be more vague and lighter. Because the lines are so bold, I think it would take more than just changing the line width to fix this as well--try changing the lightness/darkeness of the lineart to see if it makes more depth in the illustrations as well. Also, there were a few times I was a bit confused who was talking, due to all the speech bubbles looking very similar. I think mixing up the shapes, or different fonts for other people might help as well.

JCEE: Nice illustrations, and I like the choice of blue--really sets the mood for the whole comic. The way your draw your comics, you can probably get away with a few more vaguely drawn backgrounds (nothing fancy, but just something to indicate the setting better). I see lots of empty space, and speedlines. Something I did notice with a lot of the pages is that the composition is a little tricky to read at first glance. By composition, I mean the direction in which the comic should be read. The illustrations in a comic should direct the viewer to read each panel in the correct direction, in the correct order. Some illustrations make tangent lines that direct the viewer towards a different speech bubble or illustration that was not intended. One example is the second page, where all the narrative bubbles form a line, even though it's broken by panels, and that the illustration's heads keep pointing up at the narrative bubbles, making it hard to realize there was a narrative bubble at the bottom of the panel. By changing the width of the panels, and making the character's body movements point more toward the narrative bubbles, it can make the reading transition make more sense. Several of your comic's pages does this--be careful in the future how your characters move from panel to panel, it can make reading the comic harder to read.

Think Tank
# 18   Posted: Feb 20 2019, 10:25 PM
Late but i did talk about these vcast so i will just summarize what i said there.

Kozi: I love this comic a whole bunch, Monotone comics with an accent color are always my jam. The stuff you did with the fight on 6 and 11 with the panel composition is phenomenal. Though i didn't notice it on my first read through but when looking through it again there were parts where the colors outside of the lines but this doesn't take away any of the awesomeness for me. In terms of the writting the only thing that threw me off was how Swan didn't seem to react to any of the attacks till the chain, was Remy somehow holding back on the voodoo? cause it didn't seem like he had that ability in remy v melchom he couldn't control it with something as small as a kiss from a friend so how is he able to control it now? However this is just a small nitpick in an otherwise great comic with a great story.

Jcee: I love monotone color things and will always be a fan of your cyanscale you do for your comics and will always appreciate more comics in this style and would buy any full comic you do in this style. In terms of story i was a little confused about parts of the battle, in particular i wasn't sure how you did remy's powers at first and after looking through it a couple times it seems you made it by his eyesight, however the first time we see swan effected by his voodoo his eyes are specifically closed in that panel so i think that may have led to some of my confusion.  Even though i had some confusion with the fighting i still love seeing comics in this style of yours/

# 17   Posted: Feb 20 2019, 12:01 AM
Time for me to comment then ~

Congrats on the win Kozi, you totally deserve it! If I knew how/what to critique for your side I would, but I am totally blown away by your entry! I really dug your story a lot and the scar you gave Swan. This was a scary/fun battle in so many ways, but overall I still had an absolute ball battling Remy!

Also, yeah, it was blood loss that eventually got the better of him, as well as the water's surface cracking the tittybird. I def should've made it clearer there, I'll admit.

And lastly, a big thank you to everyone who voted and critted. I'll keep everything you all mentioned in mind for next time.

Approval Committee
# 16   Posted: Feb 19 2019, 11:46 PM
With 21 minutes to go, I think its safe to get my thank you's in.

THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who voted, commented, read and re-read our battles again. :) It's always a thrill to post a battle- and its amped to 100 when the stakes are spiked with a scar match on top of retribution. Thank you especially to JCEE for taking on a tough character and interpreting him in such a fun and action packed way. I super loved your side and the perfect detail of how Swans wind gusts and kicks affected her. The expressions and her reaction takes- especially during the punch to the gut had to be some of my favs.
I'll have to admit the only thing I wasn't clear on was how and why Remy blacked out. Was it lack of oxygen? Blood loss making him loopy? And did the water impact alone crack his tittybird? Whatever the reason, the proceeding page with Swan looking like a total air bending badass surrounded by spooky souls was killer. What a stellar way to depict a scar.

Super appreciate the crit on clarity, which I hope to push further in my next battle. It's tough to craft a mystery and properly balance how much to tell and how much to obscure! I am positively chuffed that folks saw it as a psychological thriller rather than a blood and guts fest. Swan is decidedly stronger than Remy, but the manipulative advantage was definitely in his court. Also glad folks are noticing Remy's limits. He CAN be beat!

Global Moderator
# 15   Posted: Feb 17 2019, 09:37 PM
Kozi: damn girl, your art is unrivaled! the composition, the angles, that SEXY sepia greyscale. The fight scenes are starting to give me a sense of how remy's powers work- its like playing detective, reading through and trying to pick out the details of what affects him lol. And I SUPER appreciate you being willing to go all out on the dark shit, you dont hold back and I love it. My only crit art-wise is on the last page, when Fool is carrying Swan away, I know you were going for a forced perspective look but Swan just looks kinda tiny. Like Fool was carrying away a child. Story wise, its a bit hard to follow. i know you were kind of going for "Swan doesnt know so you dont either", like remy isnt gonna stop and explain his plan but a tiny bit of context might have been more intriguing and less confusing. why did he need her alive so badly that he'd call off the spell to do it? especially if by the end she was supposedly going to die anyhow? if he thought she didnt have a soul when he abducted her, does that play into the spell? what the heck is the feather? Did he NEED her clothes off for the spell or was that just him being gross? It was fascinating to look at but difficult to follow. But Remy is hot and sadistic and i love to hate him lol. Also, GORGEOUS scar for Swan.

JAY: this has gotta be the most GORGEOUS art ive seen from you yet! excellent layouts, fantastic spotblacks (youre so good at spotblacks), and i love this shade of blue you've been working in. remy's motivations seem a tad shallow to me, I would have liked to see more from him outside of wanting a second date, maybe play up a creepy obsession or something. The way you wrote his power to make it so he has to see her was a VERY cool workaround lol. I super love how BOTH of you write something about him losing oxygen affecting Swan- that was my idea if i fought Remy so back to the drawing board for me XD kinda basic story but BEAUTIFUL art, would vote this a contender for best battle next year.

GREAT JOB YOU GUYS!! you lived up to the hype!

# 14   Posted: Feb 17 2019, 12:48 AM
ooooohhh moooonnn dieeuuuuuuuuu
Two french speaking voiders ! been some time !

Kozi: Damnnn, Remy's streetcred is rising by the comic ( and that's not a lot of comic, making it even more impressive )  psychological torture was already a trope of Remy (remenber kurt's cat) but we're reaching Cenobite level of sadism (for my greatest joy) His schtick of being near intouchable does shows its limits here with a character that can't be hurt easily ( thus giving us a delicious scene of Remy throwing a hissy fit) hmmmm.... better have Marie put him on the Shit List

Jcee: The difficulty of an adversary such as Remy is how to go around his power to hurt him. Which you handled very nicely. Remy is for me the worst foe for most of Voiders because of his devious power set.  Very high paced and nicely cut comic.

# 13   Posted: Feb 13 2019, 05:14 PM
Damn, both of these comics are incredible.
Kozi: This is like a psychological thriller! The introduction had me hooked immediately. I loved the dynamic with the swan carving and the missing person fiasco. Great touch. Color scheme and lineart are working wonders. No accounting for taste XD very clever dialogue. Page 6 is a, amazingly illustrated scuffle sequence. Awesome job there. The transitions really bring it home too. The plot is just so thrilling in this comic. Watching swan lose hope was so super sad DX  Then the payoff on pg 19. Beautiful panels here btw. Excellent ending <333
JCEE: Pretty basic character meet up. Dialogue is very natural. It was very cool that she came to the realization that he has to see her.  I love how quippy swan is, just making jokes til the end haha. Good stuff. I love your line art, and how you'd sometimes outline something in blue or white letting it pop.
Great scar match!! One of my favorites for sure and it's only February?? Let's keep it up, yeah??

Fred v2.0.1
# 12   Posted: Feb 13 2019, 10:54 AM
Yes. Very good.

Web Dev
# 11   Posted: Feb 13 2019, 10:13 AM
Fucking amazing, both of you! It was fun to read two amazing monochromatic comics with an accent color by two artists who are amazing at it. Kozi, I love how smoothly you included other VOID characters into Swan's part of the story, and watching that transformation from Swan's fighting spirit to her wasting away to almost nothing was chilling. Jay, I really appreciate the way you gave Remy the upper hand and made Swan feel somewhat powerless until she figured out his weakness. It's always good to see artists willing to let their characters lose, even if they win in the end. Also thanks for the cameo ;)

I don't have time to give a really in-depth critique, but I have to say your comics are almost perfect. You both had spots where the first speech bubble you intended me to read was lower in the panel, so my natural reading order put the speech bubbles backwards, but that's easy enough to figure out. Jay, I'm actually not sure what the last panel on the second to last page is showing. I don't know if that's my problem or if it's something you could have done better, but just be sure to think about your dumb readers and make things as clear as possible (unless they're supposed to be unclear ofc).

Seriously guys, this was amazing, and I wouldn't be surprised if it even ended up in the running for battle of the year for 2019. You both have such strong, three dimensional characters, and that adds so much to my enjoyment of your comics. <3

      Edited Feb 13 2019,  10:17 AM by Bobo

Community Manager
# 10   Posted: Feb 13 2019, 08:14 AM
Too real Kozi haha

Astro Sean
Approval Committee
# 9   Posted: Feb 12 2019, 09:41 AM

Perfect soundtrack for this comic

# 8   Posted: Feb 12 2019, 03:02 AM

Oooooh boy, there'd been SO many ups and downs during the past few weeks, but it is DONE.

I cannot wait to see your side Kozi! This is gonna be one crazy valentines scar match!

      Edited Feb 12 2019,  03:02 AM by JCee

Community Manager
# 7   Posted: Feb 5 2019, 09:10 PM
reminder that Scar Matches will now add +1 point to your total score if you win said match

# 6   Posted: Jan 18 2019, 10:47 PM

Astro Sean
Approval Committee
# 5   Posted: Jan 16 2019, 08:48 AM

# 4   Posted: Jan 16 2019, 12:33 AM

Global Moderator
# 3   Posted: Jan 16 2019, 12:29 AM

Approval Committee
# 2   Posted: Jan 16 2019, 12:27 AM

Also the most advance notice of NSFW for violence, gore and mature themes.

# 1   Posted: Jan 16 2019, 12:27 AM

....with that, here we go!

Comic Details -

Type: Scar Match
Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Feb 19th, 2019
Votes Cast: 29
Page Views: 1657
Winner: Kozispoon

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