Blades at the Bridge / Hellgrammite vs. Zoey

Blades at the Bridge — Hellgrammite vs. Zoey

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Crit level: No preference
tags:

by Pita

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Crit level: Open to any comments
tags: and so she descends into my lair, my prison, with a light that does not belong to her



Critiques & Comments
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Julz
Artist
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346 comments
# 10   Posted: Dec 14 2018, 03:18 PM
Yarn- Man the lineart looks so rushed, if you're going to do traditional, spend more time making sure the quality matches. I love the bold style of writing though, it's very clear and easy to read and follow.  Colors bleed across lines alot, I don't know it this was intentional. Page 6 first panel would have been a good place for some color to elicit an feeling of urgency. Zoey consistently looks cute, awesome work, traditional is a pain!

Pita- No colors? T_T
Seconding the comment about lack of BGs, it really could have used some (even half assed) boulders or rocks jutting out hither and tither. Movement feels natural, Hel's face is very nicely done, I would have liked to see more detail put into Hel's buggo form, to make her look more like an actual segmented buggo. I love page 8, panel 1. Very spook, good shot. Last panel of pg8 is a tad lacking though, with inconsistent line widths and lazy backgrounding. The bridge looks like a piece of paper, it is much too flat. Especially pg9 past panel, that is a close up. Give it a little more love! I love all those rolling poses of Zoey on the last page, nice work!!
I'm excited to see where this goes now that Zoey's taken one step forward and a whole jump and a skip backwards. I just want her to succeed!!

Pita
Think Tank
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146 comments
# 9   Posted: Dec 13 2018, 07:53 AM
Bobo:

@pita: omg the way you wrote Hellgrammite created such a perfect villain for Zoey to face.
Quote
I can't take full credit for her dialog.  Yarn did a good job conveying the anger Hellgrammite has, I adapted and reworded some of it to fit the story beats well.
So half of that praise has to go to her, too.

I'm saying this now so y'all can make more informed votes, and I apologize for the misunderstanding in my earlier comments.  They've been expanded upon for clarity.

Radji
Artist
icon
483 comments
# 8   Posted: Dec 13 2018, 06:19 AM
my hype for this story goes up each time a new chapter appears. Also, always loved when the artists tell both a part of the same story

Yarn: I see what you tried. But when using watercolor you MUST have solid ink on paper. Otherwise they will appears too thin.
Pita: maybe could use more sounds effects in key cases

Bobo
Web Dev
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868 comments
# 7   Posted: Dec 12 2018, 10:34 PM
These were amazing, you guys! I don't have time for an in-depth critique right now, but let me sum up what I think are important factors:

@yarn: your tools betrayed you! You have a lovely art style, and the inks themselves show a gifted hand. You pay attention to details like hand gestures and body language that add so much to any comic. The bridge itself turned out nice, but it's clear you just didn't know how to use your watercolor markers when you made this, and that's too bad. I would also make sure to leave some bleed room on the edges of your pages, and if you're already doing that, leave MORE room. Text gets cut off or just feels cramped, and that can easily be avoided with a quarter inch or so of space outside of any text or important details. The backgrounds also generally felt blank, but I think a lot of that might just be that your watercolor markers bled so much that whatever forms you were attempting to create in your backgrounds were indistinguishable. That said, I think some more defining details such as characters or rock formations could help your backgrounds feel more complete. On a very positive note, I haven't read most of Clash of the Chitin, so it means a lot when I say that this comic alone made me love Hellgrammite! Hopefully we'll get to see more of her in the future!

@pita: omg the way you wrote Hellgrammite created such a perfect villain for Zoey to face. Her aggression, combined with her hatred towards figments (which if I'm understanding correctly, Zoey doesn't fully understand what she is?) complement Zoey's quiet but determined optimism so perfectly! It's good to see Zoey both refusing to fight and then being willing to fight when she had no other choice. I'm dying to see the next chapter in her story omg. I think in the absence of color or shading, line width or spot blacks would have made a big difference in defining your characters' shape, especially in some of the more busy/complicated bits like Hellgrammite's face, which has a lot of curves and points that aren't naturally easy to read and need a little extra help to make it clear what's going on with her face haha. But seriously, this was wonderful and made me happy!

Pita
Think Tank
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146 comments
# 6   Posted: Dec 12 2018, 11:22 AM
One last thing--
Ignore the purple on the bridge.  I'm aware of it, I know how to fix that in the future.  I tried to shortcut on color blocking and this clearly shows that I tried something I don't fully grasp at this time.

yarnwitch
Think Tank
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233 comments
# 5   Posted: Dec 12 2018, 12:02 AM
Uploaded my half (hopefully the site didnt eat it)

mostly what i have to say about mine is... I am angry at the concept that is watercolor markers.They are crap, do not buy them. I was happy to work on this though!

Pita
Think Tank
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146 comments
# 4   Posted: Dec 11 2018, 09:02 PM
Uploaded my half of the story/match.  A couple things you need to know when going into this, since at this time The Pale Horse has yet to be completed.

- Dolly is gone.  Zoey's alone for this leg of the journey, folks.
- We learn that the thing in the Chasm, according to The Pale Horse, is some sort of beast unable to escape the Underground for whatever reason, and not everyone is able to cross to the Surface.

I'm really proud of this action sequence.  Coloring is messy, I already know this.  This is what happens when I wait til the final day to do that.  But this is it!

Zoey will come back January-ish, permitting Camel's availability.  Fingers crossed that Sabu and I will get The Pale Horse done, so you'll know what happened there.

Desichan
Think Tank
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154 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 31 2018, 10:32 AM
Oooooo

Pita
Think Tank
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146 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 30 2018, 08:35 AM
As per Yarn's request, this match-up will be the same format as how I fought Jackster and Pyras last year.
It will be one story, but we will both be working on one half.  Yarn and I wrote the script together and divided it at the midpoint.

      Edited Dec 13 2018,  07:48 AM by Pita

yarnwitch
Think Tank
icon
233 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 30 2018, 07:39 AM
Its gonna be great to bring hellgrammite back out! Thank you for this opportunity, PITA!

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