Keito vs. Raygun

Keito vs. Raygun

284 points
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225 points
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Critiques & Comments
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# 12   Posted: Jun 29 2018, 09:46 AM
Jelly: Aside from the visual clarity issues and some very non-existent perspective going on in several panels, this comic flowed really well and read at a brisk pace that matched the banter and setting perfectly. The flatness and muddiness of the final panel dampened its impact quite a bit, but I really loved your action, motion, and character acting here. This is a passing encounter comic done right.

Kent: Always enjoy your lighthearted take on battles, but I don’t see you taking any risks artistically. You have a distinct visual style, but you aren’t pushing yourself. The fumbled upload order with page 3 does kill this comic, but beyond that, I’d love to see you do something really different sometime and challenge yourself.

Community Manager
# 11   Posted: Jun 29 2018, 09:21 AM
SirJellyRaptor: Good job overall, there are some panels here that are really nice. But I think overall you may be overusing the black, and not letting them hit the outlines with such intricate character designs ends up making them look way too busy sometimes, at moments feeling like black is just being placed for the sake of placing it without it really helping shape the composition and lighting. But practice makes perfect, try getting more feedback on your blacks during the comicking process so you can see mid-battle how to improve

Kent: This looked fun but sad it's incomplete, and idunno it feels like they're out of order? I wanna see more of u man come back to us~

Happy June 19th! -Reecer6
# 10   Posted: Jun 28 2018, 10:10 PM
Jelly: YOOO THIS LOOKS AMAZING, MAN!! Really bringing those illustrative chops to the comic scene! Especially in 2 weeks! Only thing I could say is that the story is a kinda clichéd nothing, but the action really made up for that.

Kent: Well, it's obvious this isn't as finished as you'd like, but I enjoyed the gag besides that! It's a bit hard to look past the fumbled uploading order though,    : (.  

      Edited Jun 28 2018,  10:14 PM by Happy June 19th! -Reecer6

# 9   Posted: Jun 28 2018, 10:07 PM
I don't really have a lot to add.

@Jellyraptor: I do like your line work, but some panels can be a bit confusing and overwhelming too looking at. It might be that the tones need more contrast to make certain figures pop. The way the black shadows lay on the figures could use some better shaping at times. Overall this was good, I liked the competitive banter and monsters.

@kent: I think I will always be a fan of your style. I love the first page, but I agree with what others have said this one felt quite unfinished. Either way, I look forward to your upcoming comics

# 8   Posted: Jun 28 2018, 09:49 PM
Thanks for the battle, Kent. I had a blast drawing Ray. I also really enjoyed your take on Keito, it was fun to read.

I wanted to challenge myself by doing a 2 week battle, and if anything this proved I need the practice.

Hellis: I am Obviously pleased that you went with my canon haha.

It was the obvious route to take. I've got a kaiju Hunter to work with and you provided a city full of kaiju >w0. Of course I was also thinking about the situation as I was drawing it. It's not lost on me that the monsters Keito and Ray are wontonly killing used to be Caelum citizens. It's interesting to think just how far a mutation like that can go or if there's a way to undo these effects or not, which are questions I hope other people might try to answer. This is a potentially interesting setting you've created, I'd love to see the possibilities explored a little more.

@Arts: I'm inclined to agree with most of what you said. My big issue is that when I was planning for this I had about a hand full of different ways this could go. This was one way, a bit less than friendly rivalry. I also had ideas where they end up fighting each other more than the kaiju and ideas where Veronica Nightingale got involve herself, to an extent. It was mostly me pushing forward and piecing things together as I went. I see now that I COULD have ended at page 8 but at the time it never occurred to me because that page was never meant to be an ending. It was meant to be a leadup to the eventual beat down on page 10. Pacing at this scale is still a problem for me since I'm more used to planning things on a larger scale, so 10 pages is, in fact, me cutting the story down right now. As for the bet, I was a bit iffy on it myself because it felt a bit cliche, but my assumption when making it is that if Veronica Nightingale is paying them for kaiju cleanup she's paying them a pretty penny for it. the implication is that this is no small amount of money they're dealing with, here, but this would have been a lot more clear if I had added a line I had intended to include but, in the end, couldn't find a place for. All in all I need to plan better and hopefully the other things will fall into place.

@Will: Thanks for the tip, I'll be sure to give them a look

Community Manager
# 7   Posted: Jun 27 2018, 04:29 PM
Nice job guys.

Jelly: Very cool and detailed comic, it shows a lot of effort and my feeling is as long as you always give it your best you're always evolving as an artist.  I tend to be a fan of heavy contrast inks.  I think you just need to keep practicing shadows and form.  Look to others with similar styles like Hiroyuki Imaishi or even Endshark who is here (who is in turn inspired by Imaishi and his peers).  Just keep things like light source, shape and overall balance between black and white in mind.  Nice effort for 8 pages though.  Good hustle.

Mr. Kent: Your style is always pretty firm and recognizable which is nice.  Your panel layouts feel a bit weak.  And there are places where your linework is a bit too thin.  I would like to see you shine up your entries just a little more.  But I'm glad you're still making comics.  Please continue.

Think Tank
# 6   Posted: Jun 25 2018, 09:35 PM
Jelly: You have made one of my favorite 8 page comics this year, it had everything. Your characters were unique and their interactions enjoyable, the action was good and your art and inking is amazing. However I have a lot to say about this comic since it is not an 8 page comic, but a 10 page one.
The last two pages undercut everything before and kill the tension and pacing you had before. Page 8 ends on an amazing final shot of both of them just starting their kaiju killing spree and their rivalry that you established in the pages leading up to it. I was coming off that page hype building up to that final shot and the pay off the final shot on page 8 gives. Then page 9 comes in, the joke on page 9 undercuts the action from the previous page by getting rid of any sense of action or danger. This also destroys the momentum and taking me out of the comic and the story in a way that I can’t be brought back.
The bet the characters made was also poorly implemented. If Keito losses he gives Raygun half of his pay which is what exactly? You never say how much pay Keito was getting, and more importantly you never said what Keito was going to use it for, which is vital since that is the motivation and one of the ways we would root for your character. Since I have no idea what he’s using it for I have no reason to care if he loses half of the money, the amount of which I have no idea of. This bet has no stakes.
All it does is establish more of a rivalry between them which you already did a good job of doing so it comes of as repetitive. It feels you put this there because that’s what these stories do. This is even more obvious after a fourth wall break, since that not only bring people out of the comic but will make them more savvy and cynical, so when you implement a trope like this poorly right after it just ruins momentum and tension.
So page 10 continues with the rivalry idea which we got throughout the comic  and ends on another good climax shot (that could be considered technically better done than the first one). However this shot has much less impact for multiple reasons, even if it is artistically the better panel. First the build up to this wasn’t nearly as good only being 1 page of build up and the only tension to build this up was a bet that I have no investment in. Also since you undercut a big action scene and you can’t bring me back into the comic with a slightly bigger action scene.
Not only did they ruin the pacing but it’s clear the time spent on that meant the quality of some of the pages went down artwise. This is the same problem you had in your last comic where there were 3 more pages that only undercut your story and lowered the overall quality since you had more to do. You need to cut down on your stories and comic size so you can refine what you have. You’re just giving yourself more work for an overall worse comic. Which is a shame cause I loved the first 8 pages of this comic and it was one of my favorite comics, but the final 2 pages undercut that.
TL:DR: Less is more and you are just making it harder on yourself for an overall worse comic.

Kent: I really like your characterization of Keito in this comic, he’s a pretty enjoyable character and I found his reaction to the article pretty amusing. However I have no idea why the shopkeep did anything he did. I don’t know if he’s already an established character but i was just confused why he would try to scare Keito and say that about Raygun. It also has no real payoff since the comic just ends with them meeting each other and Keito only has one small reaction panel to meeting Raygun. So overall this story doesn’t seem to lead anywhere.
In terms of the art I do like it and there’s something about it that has a cool personality and expression.

# 5   Posted: Jun 25 2018, 08:17 AM
Kent: Your story feels very unfinished, and a lot of the dialogue felt it was missing stuff due to a pacing that didn't work out for what it was intended for I feel. I have seen you draw and make some exellent, wordy comics before. This just din't feel like it was up to that. I do like the whole robot angle and I am a sucker what it comes to big continuity and fallout like that, but it felt like a throwaway for a punchline that never came?

Jelly: Really enjoyed your comic.Art wise, I felt it was a little bit muddled and that some stuff was a bit to rough, especiall compared to the more finished aspects of your art. but I enjoyed it,it was a simple and to the point comic with a old school punchline that you delivered well.

And I am Obviously pleased that you went with my canon haha.

# 4   Posted: Jun 24 2018, 05:52 PM
Mr Kent, many of the panels feel kinda static and not action-packed at all.  I wonder did you plan to do more after having Raygun meet Keito?  Also, it seems you uploaded page 3 w/out text and fixed it later. Definitely seems you were forced to rush.  Good effor at the start though, I can see you may have wanted to do backgrounds but later panels get less and less detailed until they lack even shading. Not to mention this feels like half a story (again not much you coulda done if you ran out of time).

Sir Jellly, those are great panels. Your story is pretty basic but it gets the job done, and that's the important part. It's a legolas / gimly rivalry and it's just fine.  Really awesome details, especially with the bg's and shading.  Ray's eyes feel a little too big, and look especially weird from the side, like in page 8. Kaiju look good though, and the variety of monster types is very pleasing. Great job overall, man.  Frankly I'm blown away that you could crank out this many pages at such a consistent level of quality so props for that!

# 3   Posted: Jun 21 2018, 11:49 PM
Alright, let's do this thing. I'm looking forward to what you got in store

# 2   Posted: Jun 8 2018, 01:16 AM
Kent fighting with Raygun? Heck yeah!

New Robot guy gets some play Double Heck Yeah!

Global Moderator
# 1   Posted: Jun 4 2018, 10:32 PM
HELL YEAH!! this'll be kick-ass!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jun 28th, 2018
Votes Cast: 14
Page Views: 680
Winner: SirJellyRaptor

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