Intro Story / Lumin Kai

Intro Story — Lumin Kai

by ghostly


73%
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference



Critiques & Comments
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Orion
Artist
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185 comments
# 11   Posted: May 6 2018, 10:33 PM
Really love the color combos you racking up with this. Combined with the inking style and generally textured and stylized form I think you got something that has a nice impressionistic flair with a good grounding in reality. (like dang if the contrasts sci robot invasion to dire and painful physical injury to disappointment in fashion was a good whiplash tonally and narrative of a thing but it works and I can't wait to see more) With that, you do give a good intro to the essentials of the character concept and grounding them with a taste of danger and personality.

Any feedback to give. give a bit more care to the backgrounds. they weren't too essential in this near the end but some of the brush work ended up getting a little more obvious as the comic went along. Maybe going a bit tighter would help blend the work better but on the other hand you could play looser with it and go full on painterly. What I will say that some places to watch is on the sphere bots. they're static shapes so they demand more geometric consistency otherwise you might end up compromising the 3Dness of the shape. ALSO, he buildings on 2 are a bit TOO rigid in the line department. in perspective, those horizontal lines going up with diminish slightly as they went up and also overlap. The way they are put in now its makes them look flat. Devils may be in the details but a little can make a world of difference, especially with the compositions, color and the anatomy work doing so well. Just a little study hustle to tighten that up and you'd be golden!

But for Real though, this is electric! Super refreshing with an interesting character design and concept. I look with eager eyes to see what you can bring. :)

      Edited May 6 2018,  10:34 PM by Orion

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 10   Posted: May 6 2018, 09:28 PM
Welcome aboard the crazy train! I can't wait to see lava flow and fabulous outfits galore!

Dechado
Artist
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222 comments
# 9   Posted: May 3 2018, 09:28 AM
I... Must one day fight you.

Really dig your artstyle, and Lumin's design is so good!
Also I love his powers haha.

Sabulive
Artist
icon
131 comments
# 8   Posted: May 3 2018, 07:35 AM
ZOMBIE GOASTS:
Welcome to Void! Lumin looks so classy, I love him a lot. I dont have much to say, other ppl have covered all that already but I just had to chime in with how great he looks!

Camel
Artist
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62 comments
# 7   Posted: May 1 2018, 04:24 PM
Really solid intro comic you got here. The second page, with Lumin's flowing lava blood is very pleasant to look at. I also think the final panel sting is a very clever and fun way to illustrate Lumin's personality - despite having been impaled and subsequently bled lava, they're far more concerned with their outfit. As what people have said before, some comic fundamentals could be improved here, and i will say although the green border around Lumin is really nice looking and makes the final panel very stylish, it does effect Lumin's spacial presence in the comic, makes 'em look kinda like they're floating on top of the background rather than be situated in it. Other than that, gorgeous!

Evi
Artist
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110 comments
# 6   Posted: May 1 2018, 09:13 AM
Welcome, Ghostly. Congrats on getting in!
This is a lovely first comic. You have have a good grasp on anatomy and coloring techniques, I liked the color scheme as well- the gold in page 2 was a really nice highlight. Lumin has a very cool ability and I'm interested to see how you'll be using it for batttles :D
Most people have covered what you should polish up on art-wise, so one other thing I'd like to point out is that the fonts feel a bit all over the place. Three different ones for the dialogue and in varying sizes feels very inconsistent; keep to one readable size and I'd say a maximum of two different fonts and that should help with a uniform presentation next time. Try to look at and download fonts that are specifically made for comics, too.
As for the sound effects, I got the impression that you didn't want them to cover any of your artwork, as a result they feel less impactful and clear. For example, page 2's "Raaaaahhh!!" sounded rather quiet since it's faded and pushed to the back. I suggest you plan the bubbles and other text placements into your sketches to get a better feel of where you want them in the panels; experiment with how you can fill or save space with them. You can even draw the sound effects by hand for a more organic feel.
Hope that was helpful! Looking forward to seeing you battleee

      Edited May 1 2018,  09:14 AM by Evi

ghostly
Artist
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3 comments
# 5   Posted: May 1 2018, 01:34 AM
Thanks everyone for the critiques so far! This is my first time ever trying to draw a comic seriously, so I'm still really unrefined.

I'm going to try really hard to improve with each comic, so please, PLEASE feel free to go into great detail about why things don't work and how I can improve on them. Or PM me your favorite online tutorials that you think will help me.

Heathen
Artist
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236 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 30 2018, 07:59 PM
I'll echo what Astrodile and Hellis mentioned, and just say two things that stood out to me. First, take the few extra minutes to polish up those little details. The rebar should look like rebar in the impact panel, and wouldn't be any harder to draw. I feel like was a stylistic choice, rather than a shortcut, but it didn't really work here. And that goes along with my second note, which is to try not to lean on style too much. You clearly have a firm grasp on figures and facial expressions, as well as color palettes, but color works best in comics when it accents and heightens the emotion of the scene. You're doing that a little bit here, but the whole comic is in these neon colors for no apparent reason. By that I mean I don't get the feeling any of the color is coming from a particular light source, again, it seems to just be a style choice. So maybe work on tempering that a little, and your awesome color choices will stand out more where they need to most.

Props for diving right in with a war ravaged Void City, and utilizing the DEUS robots. I was concerned when you initially said Lumin isn't a combat character, because there isn't enough action in Void lately. It's great to see he has some kind of lava or acid power going on, and that's what will allow you to do slice of life type stories, but keep things interesting by presenting this unusual problem of oh hey, my blood is lava or whatever. Lots of comedic and tragic potential there.

Astrodile
Artist
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79 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 30 2018, 07:11 PM
A fantastic style, and a fantastic read! As Hellis said, the hasty look of the background on the first, and third page, don't bode well. While characters in the forefront look great, that also makes it much easier to compare with the rest of the page/background that has much less emphasis on the effort there.
For the third panel of the first page, I know it's supposed to show him being stabbed by /something/ and I can immediately see next that it's an iron pole. But there's not much to show in that third panel that he's fallen pretty quickly into it, nor detail that it's a thin pole, so it looks like he fell into a spike that just coincidentally transformed into the object afterwards, in my opinion haha.

But all in all, great stuff! Can't wait to see more from ya'! I absolutely love the color scheme in this haha.

      Edited Apr 30 2018,  07:12 PM by Astrodile

Hellis
Artist
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168 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 30 2018, 06:38 PM
Your art is gorgous .The thing that lowered the score for me was the hasty, scribbled background on the very first page and the lack of depth it had. Since its the very first page we are greated with, it really does you no favor to skimp or cut corners there. That said, your style, your colors. I can't wait to see Lumin do amazing things.

Fight you soon I hope!

Desichan
Think Tank
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150 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 30 2018, 05:34 PM
I love him TwTn Congrats on joining us!

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Ended: May 7th, 2018
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