Intro Story / Fawn and Detroit

Intro Story — Fawn and Detroit

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Think Tank
# 9   Posted: Oct 3 2017, 10:30 AM
Wow just wanna say, thank you all very much for your criticism! I'm going to do my very best to work on improving on these things, best I can! It sounds like the main problem points are that I need to work hard on fixing up my perspective issues, need to practice making poses look less stiff, and make sure to put enough effort into backgrounds, to keep them looking similarly nice in quality all around! I also need to work on portraying action better, it seems!

I think my main focus moving forward will be trying to get perspective right, and trying to keep my backgrounds of a constant quality. ^^ The poses issue seem like something that'll mainly fix itself over time I think, but I'll still try practicing that as best I can! Thank you all very much for your help, and I'm gonna do my very best to improve! (Also I'mma be peeking at that powerpuff girl stuff, it looks neat

      Edited Oct 3 2017,  10:31 AM by Desichan

# 8   Posted: Oct 3 2017, 01:24 AM
Ayy! Glad to see ya got in! These pages are already a whole league better than the last batch, and I'm pretty proud of ya!

Lemme knock out my first critique as **~Void's Official Comics Coach~**

So overall, not bad! As I said before, you showed a lot of improvement and really looks like ya put way more thought into it this time, so kudos on that.

The big notes here are:
Background: I can almost see what you're going for with it. Having the characters be the only inked thing in the panel *does* make them pop out and direct the eye, so you might wanna keep it. Readability is paramount in comics. But it does seem a bit obvious when your hearts not really into drawing some element of the background. It's shape gets a bit wiggly and it's details become a lot more sparse. What I'd suggest is taking a look at Kevin Dart's art for the Power Puff Girl Movie: . It nails the lineless bg look flawlessly and might give ya an idea what to try next.

The first page is a bit of a mixed bag. The house's exterior works totally well! But then the next panel is shot from almost a security-camera's view, but Fawn's butler/servant is drawn like she's standing across from us. We don't see the tops of shoulders or the tops of heads or anything to indicate that she's in perspective. But, oddly enough, in the same panel, Fawn, is drawn pretty in-perspective. It's nothing a little reference cant fix.

Color Choice:
This one isn't a crit. You chose a lot of colors that work well together and balance themselves out. Plus you implemented them in a way where nothing's clashing and things don't get lost in one another. Honestly? Sort of a hard thing to do, especially in one of your first few comics. So bravo!

Closing notes: I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you take critique to heart. You seem like you'll be an excellent addition to the regular roster and I'm certainly delighted to have you on board!

# 7   Posted: Sep 26 2017, 08:08 PM
I see you got Fawn approved! Awesome!
Really great improvements compared to the incubator version of her.

Think Tank
# 6   Posted: Sep 26 2017, 10:07 AM
Super duper cutesy! And I really appreciate the palette shift to purple (more sinister) in the last page. I am a little confused at the information I've been presented here. I don't know too much about her other than that she's cute, likes french toast, and might just be really good at avoiding knives.
I do really want to know more about why her mom seems to want to off her! I LOVE the speech bubbles and I wanna see more!

Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
# 5   Posted: Sep 26 2017, 09:15 AM
the colors and designs are very beautiful, everything is so cute it is reminiscent of a bright animated series, id say the first thing that jumps out at me is that the characters feel very flat to the environment. over all it looks great and I cant wait to see more of this character.

Think Tank
# 4   Posted: Sep 26 2017, 08:57 AM

Oh I see, that makes a lot of sense. I'll do my best to work on practicing that stuff as much as I can, cuz I can totally see where you're coming from. I'll have to work hard on figuring that stuff out best I can, and trying to practice it! It may take awhile, but Imma do my best! Thank you very much!!


I'm really glad that the aesthetic is overall pretty pleasing! Thank you! And oh that makes sense. Yeah, perspective is not a strong point of mine, but I'll do my best to learn it best I can moving forward!! And I'll definitely do my best on trying to figure out pacing and the like, thank you very very much for the pointers!! (And oh man, I know right? My parents would never let me have french toast in bed, especially if my bed was as nice as hers.)


Wah I'm glad the cuteness gets through to you, haha. That makes a lot of sense by the way, I'll do my best to learn how to improve on action, and transitions!! Thank you very much!!

# 3   Posted: Sep 26 2017, 08:44 AM
my vision is filled with sugar and fluff, it is happiness... you need to work a lil more on the way you depict action, you need to put more transitions between movements .

Think Tank
# 2   Posted: Sep 26 2017, 08:30 AM
OK, let's get this review a-rollin!

I'm diggin this palette.  It looks like I'm either in a snowglobe or a sugar display, and that saccharine kinda atmosphere can play off well with the more murder-based intentions of her assailants.  I also like the wingding eyes you've given Fawn and her would-be killer.

What I am noticing immediately, though, is two things--
- Your perspective needs work.  The placement of the butler's feet in the first page appears to be as if he's walking on a different plane than the floor.  This is an easy mistake to make that requires practice, but with enough time you'll get it.

- The pacing and execution of the murder attempt.  For the rabbit to be stabbed in lieu of Fawn, there needs to be a transitional panel that shows how it moved from in front of her to behind her.

And dang, her mom must trust her pretty well to not spill syrup on the nice bed!

# 1   Posted: Sep 26 2017, 08:26 AM
Congrats on your approved character!
You managed to multiply the quality of your intro comic from one to another, i'm impressed!
I think you should pay attention to the dynamics of your poses.
They are a bit stiff at times.
Especially Fawn in Panel 2 Page 2 and Panel 4 Page 4.
Also your perspectives need a bit of work.
On Panel 2 Page 3 it looks a bit like they are floating in midair, because they are not in line with the perspective.

But overall you did a great job and learned quickly to adapt the advice, that was given to you, into your pages!

Comic Details -

Ended: Oct 3rd, 2017
Votes Cast: 27
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