Under New Management 2017, Round 1 / Gargonne and AEGIS vs. Jessie Valley

Under New Management 2017, Round 1 — Gargonne and AEGIS vs. Jessie Valley

by Rose

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Jessie Valley55.3%
628 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference


by Fox

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Gargonne and AEGIS44.7%
508 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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Rose
Web Dev
1180 comments
# 23   Posted: Oct 30 2017, 02:04 PM
Flutterbyes: I'd think your character was Gargonne and Aegis and not Jessie.
Quote
I have a bad habit of featuring my opponents' character(s) more than my own (or the one I'm representing, anyway). I realized this too late and the story ended up too good to change at that point. Thanks for calling me out; I need to work on that for sure.

Mister Kent
Artist
958 comments
# 22   Posted: Oct 30 2017, 12:32 PM
I had a lot of fun reading both of these - great takes on the characters, both of you :)

Fearn
Artist
366 comments
# 21   Posted: Oct 30 2017, 12:19 PM
Bobo: this is so adorable I an't lololo

Fearn
Artist
366 comments
# 20   Posted: Oct 30 2017, 12:18 PM
Foxy: Okay there are a few things to look at here. I will not say about anatomy or bg as this has been covered already.
You should look into improving your speech bubbles - I think they would look better if you drew them by hand rather than using the rounded corners rectangle. Also you are struggling a bit with human face - obviously you are more into drawing animals, so this is something you might not be used to so much! But Jessie's face is not very consistent, unlike Aegis' face - or the faces of your characters in the p o r n ooooo they were pretty neat and consistent ;D You could benefit from an establishig shot in the beginning as well, as it stands it's all happening in a bricky alleyway. But I like your attempts at trying different panel layouts, p2 is pretty sweet! Also don't be afraid of putting more panels per page :)

Pocketmouse
Artist
101 comments
# 19   Posted: Oct 16 2017, 11:39 PM
Oooh two very different takes on Jessies prosthetic. One from the outside in- and one from the inside out. Neat!

Fox: Eeeey! Great comic! Interesting pay-off at the end. It would be good to see you put a bit more love and flavour into your backgrounds next time.

Bobo: Ah yes! You KNOW I love this. It's feel good and charming and some good jokes with Jiko and the (real) hoverboard. your establishing shot on the first page is a big win for me, too. Lots of charming detail but not overpowering.  Maybe next time you could hint at this background later in the comic? As the reader you can kind of 'forget' where they are. This style was not what I expected from you, but it quickly dragged me in with its cute squishy feel :) great job!

Thanks for the good reads guys! :D


ScaryWaves
Artist
38 comments
# 18   Posted: Oct 16 2017, 09:55 PM
Fox: I had to reread yours a few times because something irked me, and I realized what it was: pacing. We're quickly introduced to the characters, they talk for a bit, then two pages of fighting and an abrupt resolution. Honestly pages five and six probably could have been condensed to one page, especially with the amount of negative space in both of them. Mirroring other critiques, you seem to have a good eye for shots but need to tighten up your faces and anatomy. Spend some time with that and I think you'll see your comics come together much better. Also, don't be afraid to put detail into your backgrounds. Even a brick wall can be livened up with loose sections and posters and graffiti, or have trash or debris along the ground. It helps use up the space you've given yourself, as well as making spatial positioning more consistent by giving you and the readers visual markers.

Bobo: We don't get many feel-good stories so this was nice to see. Fluffy, and that's not a bad thing. Your linework is really good, with your chibi style giving a distinct charm to the whole thing and benefiting your plot and dialogue. Your panels are a little shaky, and thickening the lines would make it easier to distinguish one from the other, setting clearer borders. The minimalist approach to color was nice, using the natural white for lighting, but I would have liked to see one other tone to it, if only for that little extra bit of distinction.

Flutterbyes
Artist
299 comments
# 17   Posted: Oct 16 2017, 07:36 PM
Fox: This was an interesting aspect for them to bond over, since one arguably has it "worse" but doesn't fault the other for it. It was a good encounter for them to have, even if the fight was irrelevant to it. I like what you're talking on in page 6, but you do seem to have some trouble with what's going on anatomically. You do also have some issues with facial features floating around the head shape instead of actually having a place on the head.

Bobo: So cute and uplifitng, with a lot of adorable little touches, and Aegis has a body, too! Kind of a whiplash after reading the other comic. (Yeah screw fake hoverboards) I'd think your character was Gargonne and Aegis and not Jessie.

Camel
Artist
151 comments
# 16   Posted: Oct 16 2017, 04:41 PM
Fox: Interesting! Jessie and Gargonne are such different characters, but I think they work really well off each other here. I like that at the end, there isn't a set in stone resolution for Jessie - she's still got a lot to work through emotionally. I'm seeing a lot of positivity on the grayscale highlight method, but personally I think that the highlights are far too flat - they feel less like light that casts shadow, and more like streaks of color that are baked into the characters. Having the background have far more contrast, or having the highlights react more to the grayscale palette would've looked more natural and moody

Bobo:  Adorable chibi art and a body-positive message! What's not to like here. The positivity almost makes it feel like a cybernetics PSA, which was great. Only real critique here is for a 2 week deadline, there's not a whole lot of meat on this comic, but still an impressive last minute turnaround.

Animeshen
Artist
1490 comments
# 15   Posted: Oct 16 2017, 04:20 PM
Fox: Love the grayscale with a tertiary highlight colour! I think anatomy is a big thing you need to work on. This isnt even a reflection on you being unused to drawing humans, everything sort of generally lacks form. on the first panel of page 2, jessie's eye is melting down her face, and gargonne's arms and shoulders vanished on page 3. its generally a bit doughy. I like on page 5 the eruption of the tentacle beat but i think Aegis' laser blast could have a bit more dynamic than a couple "pew pew" lines. I like the dramatic interaction in the mutual feeling of being less than whole and the two attitudes the characters take on it.

Bobo: This is so cute and sweet, just an adorable up-beat comic and it delights me! I love the story panels on the last page overlaying the other "useful benefit" panels that make her leg seem even more and more impressive. I dont even really know how to critique this, for what it is, it came out amazing lol

yarnwitch
Artist
303 comments
# 14   Posted: Oct 16 2017, 03:50 PM
Ahhh. A good battle! I love how you both chose to take care of things.

@Fox: I love the color highlights you did in this. I think they helped with the mood a bit considering it was a mostly grayscale comic. I kind of wish I had gotten to see what exactly somadis did to crystalize that creature, but I enjoyed your final panel. I think its positioning made it feel kind of punchliney, but it also helped drive the point of Jessie still adjusting to it, even if she's come to accept it a bit better as a thing she can use. Good job!

@Bobo: This reminds me of some of the old GURL comix, so I really appreciated that throwback. Its also so positive, and I appreciated the ideas you put in the comic itself for Jessie to use in the future. The whole thing was just overloaded with happiness and I kinda got some warm fuzzies from it.

petarvee
Artist
83 comments
# 13   Posted: Oct 15 2017, 02:56 PM
@Fox as G&A
Glad to see ya makin comics again, duder! Overall, it's a solid enough narrative that got the characters right and bookended nicely. So bravo!

The big note here would really be consistency throughout. Character models have shifting proportions and facial geometry, a brickwork alleyway has the wobbliness of play-doh, stuff like that. All things that can be fixed with figure drawing classes (either irl or online), perspective studies, and generally more drawing-from-life. I'm not sure what youre schedule's like, but doing one of these guided, online, life-drawing studies a day would really help speed things along: https://www.youtube.com/user/onairvideo/videos

@Bobo As Jessie Valley
Adorable. Just adorable. I've seen your chibis on instagram and it seems like your battle with Goldie showed you just how effective they can be in comics. So I'm glad to see ya brought that back to the table. Personally, I'd say stick with it for tight deadlines, but I'd still like to see ya improve your other chops as well.

To the crit! Overall, I really enjoyed it. The message is sweet, the jokes land very well, the single-color-choice works super effectively, and traditional methods were pretty effective. I think my big note would just be that I want more of it. 2weeks for 4 pages leaves something to be desired, and if ya make it to the next round, I really wanna see ya give it your all!

Reecer6
Artist
365 comments
# 12   Posted: Oct 14 2017, 01:07 PM
oh man i didn't even REALIZE how much gargonne and aegis are in a natural position to help out jessie with her whole psychological leg thing! good job to you both for seizing that opportunity.

Hellis
Artist
286 comments
# 11   Posted: Oct 13 2017, 03:38 AM
Fox: Gonna second Kozis not earlier on the grayscale with spotlight colors. It is a nice look and I would love to see you polish it up further. I feel if you can nail it down 100 percent, it will be a strength for you. As for the rest, I suggest simply sitting down and studying various eviromental pictures and practice on backgrounds.

Bobo: That isometric establishinshot is really damn neat. I'll second what Pyras said about experimenting with line width and cleanup. If you can make that lineart more crisp, its gonna help your chibi style a whole lot in popping out of the page so to speak.

PyrasTerran
Artist
1513 comments
# 10   Posted: Oct 12 2017, 10:39 AM
Fox: Cool to see you back in action and trying more difficult stories. For many people, fat characters are a challenge, keep on practicing different body types and it'll even help with your standard proportions

Bobo: This is a great comic, charming funny and positive all at once, essentially a great prosthetics pride PSA. Experiment with greater variations of line width and see what you can clean up more with photoshop, and keep practicing with that wash it's looking good

Kozispoon
Artist
1211 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 11 2017, 04:19 PM
F0X- Grats on getting you into some tournament madness! I'm so glad you took this on and really stretched our your comic chops trying out characters fully outside of your comfort zone. I kind of love the grayscale with minimal color as a spotlight and am weirded out I haven't tried this before myself?? I think my only nitpicky note would be that the yellow you chose seems too saturated. Lightening it up may of helped.
I am so glad you didn't shy away from Gargonne- her bod looks so bodacious and fun to draw, but I'd remind that there's a structure underneath all that lady. I feel you lose that anatomy on some pages- particularly in the legs. It almost makes her look like the Pilsbury dough boy.

BOBO- You need to have only two days to spare more often. This is kind of my favorite comic of yours to date. Its chibi, squishy and charming. Not to mention the quality is rather on point despite the time crunch. I would not of believed you were pressed for time unless you had mentioned it. I kind of hope you keep to this style and look since you seem really comfortable with it. There's definitely an ease to the art panel to panel that I didn't see in wacky races.

Radji
Artist
624 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 10 2017, 08:24 AM
Fox: the confrontation between the two made me smile, but maybe you could have made it a bit more silly or serious, by insisting on the "missing leg, missing husbando" gimmick

Bobo: A very nice fell-good comic it made me giggle. So cute !!

Rose
Web Dev
1180 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 9 2017, 10:58 PM
Submitted! I basically did this whole thing in the last 2 days, so I apologize for the quality. Hopefully it's enjoyable anyway! :)

I had lots of fun with your characters, Energy and Kent! Thanks for letting me use them! ;)

Fox
Artist
25 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 9 2017, 06:15 PM
I tried as best I could. I hope I did y'all characters right!

I gotta super thank Shen and EW for helping me out with this one!

Mister Kent
Artist
958 comments
# 5   Posted: Sep 25 2017, 07:23 PM
AWWW Yeah :D Good luck you two

Rikun
Artist
151 comments
# 4   Posted: Sep 25 2017, 05:48 PM
Now this is going to be intriguing, and I'll especially love to see what Bobo does with Jessie!

Animeshen
Artist
1490 comments
# 3   Posted: Sep 25 2017, 05:35 PM
omg Fox is going to play an AMAZING Gargonne XD and im so amped to see Bobo's Jessie!

Fox
Artist
25 comments
# 2   Posted: Sep 25 2017, 05:32 PM
Dude! I get to play some some alien weird. Excited!

Rose
Web Dev
1180 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 25 2017, 05:20 PM
YESSSSS THIS IS GOING TO BE SO GOOD!!!

Comic Details -

 
Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Oct 16th, 2017
Votes Cast: 31
Page Views: 1874
Winner: Rose
 

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