Intro Story / Adwell Morris

Intro Story — Adwell Morris

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# 16   Posted: Jul 8 2017, 02:55 PM
I won't harp on the points others have already made. Better visual effect for the Demon, work on your scene transitions, more texture and character in your backgrounds. Your art is good enough that none of this stuff is beyond you.

I thought you did a fine job of explaining who Father Morris is and what his and the Demon's goals are. As intro comics go, this one was very clear and readable, if a bit tame. I really wanted to see the Demon tear that guy apart, or some traumatic effect for extracting the demon from the thug. It's pretty convenient that the first guy he runs into upon arriving in void city is possessed by a demon, and that he's just innocently standing around, and doesn't put up any sort of fight when Adwell starts exorcising him. But despite lacking bombast, it gets the point across.

Definitely looking forward to having some fun with the Father.

Approval Committee
# 15   Posted: Jun 28 2017, 09:30 PM
Welcome aboard! I'm excited to see you finally join the fray. :D This new Voider was so hotly anticipated, I can only imagine the line queue you've racked up while folks waited for this intro to drop, haha!

This is a pretty good showing as far as intro comics are concerned and I totally echo the crits you've already gotten. I personally wish the 'evil' side of ol' Adwell was more distinct. Having him look so corporeal and solid leaves me wondering can others see him? Are they actively ignoring a big old blob coming out of a priests back? Maybe a transparency, different coloration would be a subtle nudge to suggest that.

# 14   Posted: Jun 27 2017, 02:30 PM
Ooooh baby! It be dat boi! I'm super excited for him >:D

# 13   Posted: Jun 26 2017, 03:03 AM
It's /ABOUT TIME/ you brought in Adwell! I'm real excited to see this boy's first steps into Void and see how horrible of a place it is for him :D I have some thoughts that stirred up after reading this through so forgive me if this gets real long and nitpicky.

ART: Ami, you know I've always loved your art since I first saw it. Your art style (especially when it comes to drawing male characters, your way with painting and mix and mix of soft-cel shading is one of the key parts I really envy. But of course, everything has to have their faults and there's a couple things that appear off to me.

I feel your backgrounds are a bit too bare, especially in a clustered and dirty place like an alleyway. Don't be afraid to add in some other details like garbage bags or graffiti so the alleyway doesn't look so empty. Add in some cracks on the bricks and sidewalk!
Keep an eye on your perspective and camera shots so it doesn't look too wonky (Page 4 has the most problems with this, one panel has the alleyway looking too small for even two people to stand in while it looks really spacious in other shots). It also doesn't hurt to have Adwell and the demon differentiate from each other a bit more since it does get a bit confusing which Adwell I should be looking at (Like say a different color palette, lower the transparency on the demon when he's out, whatever).

As for colors, I do love how the colors look in the first half of the comic but when it comes to Adwell arriving at the city, I noticed you kept the same palette from the church scene and seeing how it's supposed to be evening when he arrives, the atmospheric feeling you get from the first half just suddenly disappears. It got too bright when things should've gotten darker! I'd suggest messing around with cooler colors and see what works out for you for nightly scenarios.

WRITING: You had a great beginning but towards the second half, it gets a little jumbled. It's already been said by other peeps that the sudden scene change was too abrupt so I won't comment too much on that. I know how excited you are to put Adwell into some action but I think putting him straight into the action just after having his conversation with Ruth kind of just, jumbled the pacing up a bit. In terms with the guy he was chasing, him being also possessed by a demon was a bit sudden move, especially with no build up or foreshadowing.
I am loving the demon tho. I wanna see more of that asshole

All stuff aside, this is great for your first comic! I can't wait to see more of Adwell and his demon fellow.

      Edited Jun 26 2017,  03:06 AM by fukur0

Happy January 18th! -Reecer6
# 12   Posted: Jun 24 2017, 01:56 AM
I super adore how clean and polished your lining and shading is, but something's kinda putting me off about some your posing, mostly around the action poses on the last page. Like up until then, it look just fine (except adwell's arms just don't look right in page 1 last panel? idk), but I guess with that first panel, it really feels like they shouldn't be in such perfect 3/4 with the angle they seem to be placed at within the panel? And the running dude's pose in the second panel is just totally out of place both in terms of angle and anatomy. Some of the profile shots around are a bit iffy too, but I really can't put my finger on them. I dunno, I really can't describe what's sticking out to me, but it really does! Shrug.

I do also really like the way you've done the backgrounds in the first two pages—I know you spent some effort into making a whole diorama for it, and then you took that simplified it down really nicely into basic but definitely concrete shapes. But in the last page, they just aren't sufficient. Those two brick cubes are super featureless and don't give any real landmarks for viewers, and they don't seem to have any concrete location in space, between each other or the characters. It definitely helps to plan out these transient locations a bit better, even if you'll never revisit them, with some form of basic layout—and then make sure the readers can see that, by having at least *one* wide shot of the area.

Alouisse Ver
# 11   Posted: Jun 23 2017, 02:50 PM
Let me start this thing off and say THANK YOU to every who has commented, and even more so to each and every single one of you who has given me critiques. It has seriously opened up my eyes and has both inspired and motivated me to make another comic. And to also apply these critiques into any and all comics of mine.

I'm going to definitely play around more in differentiating between Adwell and his demon Maybe try the opacity idea, or pushing more of their body language and attitude. I am SO on the more exaggerating and studying light. And I might as well buy a shirt that says "camera angles' Because I really want to work more on that myself.  As well as working more on creating a more cohesive story and making sure that I make things easier to follow for readers.

Once again, just an enormous thank you to those that have commented and critiqued. And a huge thank you to Petarvee for being my coach and being extremely helpful and patient with me while I learn this comic-in thing.


      Edited Jun 23 2017,  02:51 PM by Alouisse Ver

# 10   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 09:08 PM
AYY I love the concept of this character and you have a really nice style, I'm digging the smooth pleasant colours! Good effort on varying the camera angle and I really like how you do details on closeups shots. It appears you're less comfortable when it comes to action sequences and as how people have already pointed out, the overall flow of this intro felt a bit off.
I think the problem with page 3 was that there is no establishment; there's no other indication the random dude was a demon apart from one word bubble on the next page. I'm aware he's not meant to be the main character but it would've helped to have made him more distinguishable for the audience to understand this more clearly. For me, the overall appearance and interaction of this npc lessened the dramatic effect of the situation; the odd and somewhat stiff running poses, his expressions doesn't quite match up to being serious enough (he looks worried than frightened to me) and then the area seemed pretty well-lit for a narrow alleyway.
I suggest more exaggeration next time! Strong heavy nighttime shadows, darker colour scheme and more dynamic expressions could have added onto the atmosphere of demons for this comic. Study how light can enhance mood and practice more on movement.
Overall you've made a solid first comic and I can't wait to see you battling soon <3

# 9   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 02:28 PM
Pseudo joking aside. I really like how you draw your characters. And even if subtle, the difference between Adwell and his demon is quite good. Starting with body language.
Speaking again of characters, I am not completely sure what happens when you draw them in profile view. I got confused there for a bit, thinking the one talking was no longer Adwell, but another, even younger priest.

Your lines are incredibly clean, and pleasant to look at! The color pallete is so pretty, I loved the change of a warm, welcoming church scenario,just to move to a gloomy, cold looking alleyway.
The perspective is cool too.

Anyway, enough bootlicking. Hope to see you battle someone soon. I am really looking forward to see your and Adwell's improvement!

# 8   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 02:24 PM
YAY! Adwell's here! :D
The coloring in this is really nice and polished! I think the backgrounds could use a little more depth and perspective, especially the outdoor shots. I think this is a good intro to the character overall. Congrats on your first Void character and I can't wait to fight him!

# 7   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 02:20 PM
Hey! Heeeeey! Heeeeeeeeeey...



Think Tank
# 6   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 10:20 AM
Your faces are gorgeous!
I think overall, I am a little confused by some of the poses (particularly the dark haired guy at the end pulling a "anime girl looking back midrun"). I also had a hard time following the plot. I am still learning how to give good con/crit, so I'm just gonna break this down the way I would have done it as an outsider.

I don't know his overarching plot, and it would probably need to come through somehow. I would have appreciated a bit of a semi-transparent shade as a foreshadow to this.... inner demon thing... on the first page. so maybe in panel 3, it would have been nice to see?
Also, once we got into void city, I realize the speech is from the demon in some parts, but it feels really hard to follow. Particularly when we get to "i've always wanted to possess a priest" while he's pursuing that npc. I got confused when that was said because he had already been in a priest? I think? I don't know, a lot of it got a bit confusing, and I couldn't tell if it was phrasing or pacing or what.
Overall its wonderful and I'm really looking forward to seeing what he'll do in Void.
(PS fight Remy)

Think Tank
# 5   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 10:18 AM

This is a good enough intro, but the transition between Adwell and his demon is very subtle.  I'll wait for later installments to see if this is intentional, but I do want to see how this arrangement first began.

In the meantime, this is cool!  I'll keep him in mind for future matches.

# 4   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 10:13 AM

i like the concept of the priest possesed by an heathan creture, but i'm a tiny bit confused by the event in this intro comic. took me a second read to understand what happened by great debut! hitlist

# 3   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 10:08 AM
HOORAY! So happy to see him finally in!


Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
# 2   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 09:53 AM
I really liked the start of this comic, the art is gregorius but I was a bit lost for the second half of the comic, I was not sure why he just chased down a dude till the last page, it made me feel like I had missed something and had to reread the page and kinda killed the pace of the comic but this could have just been a problem exclusive to me. overall great work :D

Global Moderator
# 1   Posted: Jun 21 2017, 09:44 AM

Comic Details -

Ended: Jun 28th, 2017
Votes Cast: 24
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