Original Character Tournament, Round 2 / Zoey vs. THE GRAVEDIGGERS vs. Jackie

Original Character Tournament, Round 2 — Zoey vs. THE GRAVEDIGGERS vs. Jackie

by Pita

769 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9

Crit level: No preference

by Camel

838 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12

Crit level: No preference

by Barrel

843 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13Page 14Page 15Page 16

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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# 11   Posted: Jan 29 2017, 05:15 PM
@Pita AYYYYYYY. That was cute and a little sad! But overall, I dug the writing. It was all very nicely paced and felt like every scene lasted as long as it needed to. And as usual, your character were super-cute and I loved them. The big crit this time is backgrounds and battle. I can sorta understand the background issue, given the time limit, but they really felt like a non-priority overall. Like, you can totally just draw A Real Nice Background once per scene, then use snippets and shortcuts for the rest of the time at the location, only zooming back out when new folk arrive and you need to establish them in the given space. And the battle thing: Page 7, having the hookshot shoot right, then in the next panel, having it be left with portals and demon-jackie and more portals, just became a whole lot of new information and changing what we knew all at once. Like a total stopping point in the reading, breaking your nice flow. Plus, the lack of backgrounds take away a lot of grounding-in-reality that the fight could really use. OVERALL I DUG THE COMIC, it just seems like the time limit was a killer.

@Camel I am drinkin up this nice chiaroscuro, man. The color choices play super well with it, as does the very light texture over it all. The big stumbling block overall is that you made it look *so good* to start with, that it was obvious when you were pressed for time. But honestly, I won't fault ya for your ambition. I think the big crit here is how it sorta mysteriously ended. Starting from when the gun comes outta nowhere and isn't really focused on after it's used, and how it took me a couple reads to see Zoey was the one who got shot. (The inherent problem of every character having a hood). But then I assume Grimoire came to kill Jackie so he can grab Ya Boi and they can settle their finanicals, but the vagueness is more confusing than intriguing. Overall, I can't wait to see this level of quality from you in the future!

@Barrel LOOKIN SNAZZY. The story overall was your big seller. It was nicely paced and real easy to get lost in. So props for that. The big issue here is mostly Colors. The long and short of it is that they were boring. I get whatcha were goin for with Zoey-Vision, but ya still gotta have some variance in hues to spice it up. Like when you introduce new charcacters in Zoey-vision, it looks great, but regular zoey-vision is just Dull rather than Dark. And there were a few problems throughout where a bit of a zoomout would've really helped. Like with shots of the burrito and stuff hitting the floor. It doesn't immediately read as a burrito and takes some time to decipher. If we saw the silhouette of the thing, it woulda read a lot faster. Stuff like that. But overall, I ding-dang-diggit.

# 10   Posted: Jan 29 2017, 09:59 AM
Good job to everyone on making such full, finished comics in such a short period of time!
I'm gonna go ahead and focus my comments on the character deaths! (this is an SDT after all)

Pitafish: Aw, Zoey's comics are so sad D': I really liked it, though. I was into the emotional flow of your story overall - Zoey finding these nice adventuring partners and then suddenly loosing it all through no fault of her own. I agree with Kozi that the visuals for Jackie's death were a little underwhelming, and I forgot at first that the weapon she was using was her little claw-shot thing because we don't see the weapon at all when he gets hit on page 8. Also, with Kuto and Klippo's death, it felt like they accepted it a little too quickly. It would have been nice to see them try to fight back or struggle at least a little. I also just have to say that your character drawing is super cute and has great movement to it. Zoey looked so cool when she was hoppin' around fighting Jackie on page 7.

Camel: I thought you did a good job making Jackie's death epic and tied to his mysterious backstory. I think we could have used a panel or image somewhere that better indicated when Kuto swung his scythe, like maybe superimposing a "shwing" type sound effect between the two panels on page 8. Zoey's death was a little anti-climactic, and it might have been because of the staging. Kuto is standing right next to her when she gets shot, but all he does is watch and react. It would have created better drama if Kuto had gotten an opportunity to do something like futilely attempt to shield her from the bullets, or if we got a chance to linger on Zoey's poor dead body. I really like that you decided to put a twist on your story and "kill" one of your own characters. Overall your story was very easy to read and follow the action, not to mention really fun to read as well.

Barrel: You did a really nice job with your character interaction and coherently melding all the characters' stories together. I think Zoey's death is the one I felt least satisfied with. You set up this really awesome story about her adventurous fantasy quest being this weird delusion she's having, and it would have been nice to tie that to her death a little more, like maybe instead of a silhouette of Kuto on page 9 we could see what kind of horrible monster Zoey sees Kuto as just before she dies. Also, when I got to Kuto's death, I got a little confused as to which speech bubbles belonged to whom, especially on page 13. Having clear tails off the balloons (even if they're leading off-panel) is an easy fix for that. I really enjoyed the story and how you were able to fit in action and drama and comedy. It really made the comic feel full and entertaining.

      Edited Jan 29 2017,  10:00 AM by Rhimwill

Approval Committee
# 9   Posted: Jan 27 2017, 11:25 PM
PITAFISH- I liked how your story revolved around this almost bard-like song. Further research to see if it was an actual thing had me tapping my toes! Definitely a cool way to take a concept. I think it was a good framework for what I expected to follow most of your theme throughout this OCT- which is this gamer leaning RPG adventure. Though, I gotta admit this time around didn't quite fit.
I dig you went full color on this and I know others have already commented on your backgrounds and environments, but considering the tournaments tight deadlines, its to be expected. Tough to have a fully realized comic and make sure its all on point! Your characters were definitely the strong point in your comic, but your action left much to be desired. The climax of where Zoey takes out Jackie with a slice (of her wing? a sword? IDK) was so...meh, with how it was paneled and depicted. You got this big moment that through time constraints or what have you felt kind of subdued.

Sorry, I didn't get to everyone in this post. I'll try again tomorra!

Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
# 8   Posted: Jan 26 2017, 05:17 PM
These were all amazing comics to read and to all of the artist thank you for making them. I felt all had a lot of strengths and there were things that could also have been improved on.

 Pita you had a really cute story and I loved the refrence to the lyrics of Good Night Little Demon Slayer by Voltaire though that being said I felt an opportunity was missed with the ending of the song and its meaning with the lyrics "I wont tell you that theres nothing under your bed, I wont sell you that it's all in your head, this world of ours is not as it seems the monsters are real but there not in your dreams, learn what you can from the beast you defeat you will need it for some of the people you meet" Especially since the more humanoid character was the real threat as she befriended the monsters. Though I liked your story, I felt your aversion for backgrounds made a lot of the comic lack a sense of direction, one moment I can point at in the end was as she is sitting then lays down, it took me a second to realise that because the floor is the same color as the space behind her, it rather looked like she just turned around at first while still sitting down. one little thing I found helped me out with things like that was making an overhead flat 2D map and just outline where all your props are so you can remember where everything is in relation to your characters so the world feels like it has space to it.

Camel I felt you had some amazing rich and dark art the colors were very fitting of a graveyard it looked amazing but I feel perhaps the ending didnt translate very well and I am not very sure what was supposed to be transpiring through the action and I feel some things just happened and were not given enough room to breathe, but the comic was still really well put together and a ton of fun.

Barrel I feel you had the strongest story of the three comics, I really felt each character had motivation that seemed very fitting to each ones personality and the cuteness of Zoey living in her own head was really clear and fun to see, though it only made it seem that much more sad when she died, I felt the line art could have been tighter in a few places but the comic was so long it is really impressive that it was so consistent and I think that is one of its strengths it was a very good story with consistent art that had a bit of light hearted humor and humanity to a character everyone just wrote as being really dark.

Community Manager
# 7   Posted: Jan 26 2017, 11:21 AM
All participants turned in good stories this round (great job) so I'll focus on art:

Pitafish: I'm guessing you had time constraints that limited your work too; the full red backgrounds during the battle, with the previous scenery disappearing, ended up weakening those scenes, and I feel like the composition of images in page 7 could have worked better.

Camel: Strong colors and inking but I got a little confused with the action near the latter half; since you drew Kuto and Zoey's hoods very similar I thought at first that it was Kuto who had gotten shot, not Zoey (the chicken bawk didn't register with me the first read through)

Barrel: The drawings are really strong but the flat colors kind of mute the intensity going on IMO, I'm guessing it was time that kept the shades from coming in. Page 10 in particular felt really flat, not just cause of the word bubble load but the colors here don't seem to reflect the emotion well enough

# 6   Posted: Jan 24 2017, 01:43 PM
I realized only after completing this arduous comic battle that i accidentally referred to Klippo as Kuto for the entire comic... guess that's what I get for making their names so similar lol. Hopefully that clears up some confusion. Regardless, good luck to all of you guys!

# 5   Posted: Jan 24 2017, 06:30 AM
GOOD LUCK, GUYS! We all worked hard. Let's hope it shows, MHM.

I'm super excited for your rounds!

Think Tank
# 4   Posted: Jan 24 2017, 05:51 AM
I've done what I could with the time that we got.
I'm eager to read what Barrel and Camel came up with!

Web Dev
# 3   Posted: Jan 17 2017, 09:43 AM
GOD DAMN IT ROFLQU: I hope you win!
Oh yeah, me too!

Think Tank
# 2   Posted: Jan 17 2017, 09:10 AM
There's a monster that lives 'neath your bed...

      Edited Jan 17 2017,  09:16 AM by Pita

E.W. Schneider
# 1   Posted: Jan 17 2017, 08:44 AM
I hope you win!

Comic Details -

Type: Speed Death Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jan 30th, 2017
Votes Cast: 38
Page Views: 914
Winner: Barrel


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