The Arrival / Kasi & Anyango

The Arrival — Kasi & Anyango

by Hataka

Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

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Critiques & Comments
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# 7   Posted: May 22 2006, 02:23 PM
That last panel in page 5 (the one where she\'s holding the dinner) her face is half blurry (her glasses and hair are sharp, but the line art of the rest of her face is blurry)...what happened there?

Aside from that, I gotta say I like this piece, the things that caught my eye were the detailed house and the extras at the airport (very nice) as well as the cars on the highway. Your lines (for the most part) was crisp and nice.  Anyways, keep it up, lookin to see more from you!

# 6   Posted: May 21 2006, 04:55 PM
ty for the comments everyone.
 Gino: exactly what I wanted to see on here. I don\'t mind nitpicking. As for the inconsistances in line and detail...I have a annoying habit to fall in love with a panel and ignore others like a red-headed stepchild (my apologies to red-headed step children).

# 5   Posted: May 19 2006, 11:03 PM
I enjoyed the level of detail you have going on here, though in some panels the lines are a bit inconsistent. Good plot you have going as well, though it might be best if you stuck to one point of view, instead of doing both Ann\'s and Mai\'s in Page 3, which could make readers wonder whose story it ought to be about. You could put a close-up shot of Mai\'s face and the car she\'s looking at, similar to the end of page 4.

Another thing is that on Page 5, you\'ve got awesome detail of the house in the first panel, but the rest seems to be quite lacking and sparse compared to that first one. Also, it looks like you cut out part of the third panel and simply changed her mouth. A different, angled shot would\'ve been much better in that instance. And Mai\'s face on the last panel was blurred noticeably, almost as though you planned to put smoke there. Am I right on that part?

And one more nitpick: Is Mai\'s house a bit spartan? In the dining room, there\'s a well-detailed blind and some neat pictures, but there isn\'t any desks or drawers or tall lamps to occupy those lower empty spaces.

I hope you find that a bit helpful. You\'re looking okay so far and I\'m looking forward to your first battle!

# 4   Posted: May 19 2006, 10:34 PM
Your compositions and mechanical lines are superb ! I\'ve never seen Void bustling with this much activity, your lining and inking style is very reminiscent of Gantz.

I can\'t wait to battle someone of your calibre Mr. Hat.  Keep it up and dont be a slave to rush jobs
and procrastination : )

# 3   Posted: May 19 2006, 11:45 AM
coolio real coolio. This art strip is good it realy reminds me of the movie (jungle to jungle)

# 2   Posted: May 19 2006, 10:10 AM
not much to say, it was good. gave a lil meat on the boness~

# 1   Posted: May 19 2006, 02:59 AM
crap, I put 2 up.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: May 26th, 2006
Votes Cast: 19
Page Views: 436


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