Jiisuri
I like your story. It is atmospheric and dark, exactly what I’d want from a Monster Mash Tournament.
You give yourself enough panels to work with. It clearly illustrates what is going on.
I’m really not a fan of page 6’s 3rd panel. That raised arm is just freakily broken! I think if you just spend a bit more time on each of your panels polishing off the skeleton of it and making the art a bit more finished it’ll really improve your comics overall! (I looked back at some of your older comics and I think its just confidence, you seem to scratch at the lines you make. Just be brave and go with the lines that you make.)
I didn’t really understand why Kabocha enjoyed being eaten, but it was super creepy.
Well done!
BodegaNegra
Story wise it has not really got much of one. It has got a nice tone and doesseem to flow quite naturally though. Quite expressive. A Fine Arty comic.
If you just read a bit about basic story writing you could get a little script going and then you can really jump off of that with your incredible brushwork because your Art is really nice. And hopefully adding a story won’t detract from the fluidity of your work too.
Well done!
Monster Mash, Round 1 / Ur vs. Kabocha
Critiques & Comments
# 17
Posted:
Oct 25 2015, 02:50 PM
# 16
Posted:
Oct 24 2015, 02:52 AM
Jii: I like the white on black for a gothic feel but there are places where the action is a bit hard to decipher- i think he touches her and gets electrocuted? and then rots to the earth? i think if you make it through it would do you well to make the next round a little tider. I cant say much for your characterization of Kabocha because i dont quite get him myself but i I like Ur, you'll want to watch out though that since shes essentially a baby zombie she doesnt keep winning too much by dumb luck.
Bodega: gonna echo the recommendation not to draw left to right on a comic where the language reads left to right... everyone here will automatically read comics left to right and you dont want to confuse them. It took me a couple tries to get this, looks like Ur comes across a sleeping Kabocha and he viciously tears her apart as a result.... its very pretty and I like your art style but its not much of a story i guess and its a bit difficult to decipher, i think you would do well to pull the camera out a little more here and again.
Bodega: gonna echo the recommendation not to draw left to right on a comic where the language reads left to right... everyone here will automatically read comics left to right and you dont want to confuse them. It took me a couple tries to get this, looks like Ur comes across a sleeping Kabocha and he viciously tears her apart as a result.... its very pretty and I like your art style but its not much of a story i guess and its a bit difficult to decipher, i think you would do well to pull the camera out a little more here and again.
# 15
Posted:
Oct 23 2015, 12:18 PM
I would have liked to have seen both of these fleshed out more!
jii: this looks really rough and rushed, and it's a bit unclear as to what happened. definitely needs more backgrounds and a lot of clean up.
bodega: I was also confused. you say only the first page is meant to be left to right? I think most of our readers default reading left to right.. so for the future, keep that in mind and try to have all your pages going the same way. and try to show more of your action!
jii: this looks really rough and rushed, and it's a bit unclear as to what happened. definitely needs more backgrounds and a lot of clean up.
bodega: I was also confused. you say only the first page is meant to be left to right? I think most of our readers default reading left to right.. so for the future, keep that in mind and try to have all your pages going the same way. and try to show more of your action!
# 14
Posted:
Oct 22 2015, 09:02 AM
PyrasTerran:
BodegaNegra: The art is beautiful but I had to read the comic three times to fully understand what was happening in each page, and it ended up being a little frustrating and detracting from my enjoyment. I would also consider finetuning the quality of your pages, cleaning up the paper texture and edges, etc. so it looks less scanned in.
!
Quote
thank you for the critique!. I'm glad you like my art. But i should've mentioned that the first page is read from left to right! (I use to read soo much manga when I was a kid, that I guess naturally I am more inclined to draw my comic like that.)
and yes I will definetly manage my time better next time (if there is a next time D:) so I can fix up and clean my pages nicely and also add more pages so I can explain my story better and not have it be so choppy/difficult to understand for those who will read it xx
# 13
Posted:
Oct 21 2015, 05:11 PM
Jiisuri: The biggest issue I have with this comic is the heavy use of black in lieu of any backgrounds, it doesn't do your comic too much good and makes it feel like you worked on this in a very short amount of time, also getting that from the lettering. I'm not against the sketchy look but you should start adding more to your comics' compositions because otherwise it feels like you're not putting as much effort as you could.
BodegaNegra: The art is beautiful but I had to read the comic three times to fully understand what was happening in each page, and it ended up being a little frustrating and detracting from my enjoyment. I would also consider finetuning the quality of your pages, cleaning up the paper texture and edges, etc. so it looks less scanned in.
keep it up guys, don't stop growing!
BodegaNegra: The art is beautiful but I had to read the comic three times to fully understand what was happening in each page, and it ended up being a little frustrating and detracting from my enjoyment. I would also consider finetuning the quality of your pages, cleaning up the paper texture and edges, etc. so it looks less scanned in.
keep it up guys, don't stop growing!
# 12
Posted:
Oct 20 2015, 09:13 AM
that's the thing to do! once a comic is posted up its artist can't make any more adjustments to it~
# 11
Posted:
Oct 20 2015, 09:00 AM
also..I know my comic is so freakin ginormous. please excuse for a little while, I have just sent smaller files to Bobo to upload since this website isn't letting me do it xxxx
# 10
Posted:
Oct 20 2015, 08:58 AM
omg Jisuri your comic is soo good!!!ahhh the flashback when he was stolen..tore at my heart!!! ahhhh too gooddd!! poor kabocha was eaten <3. this was a really sweet story to read actually. & even though my character was eaten, im glad it was somewhat peaceful for him. I absolutely love it <333
and as for me. i really enjoyed making my comic (although it could be better!! it was a last minute idea) my struggle was story writing. and brought back memories of creative writing homework in highschool which was difficult.
So I would definitely love to create more comics but teamed up with a storywriter that would be fun and sooo much easier!! (obviously I cannot do that for the monster mash battle if i do win, and make it to the next round that is....) 0.o
and as for me. i really enjoyed making my comic (although it could be better!! it was a last minute idea) my struggle was story writing. and brought back memories of creative writing homework in highschool which was difficult.
So I would definitely love to create more comics but teamed up with a storywriter that would be fun and sooo much easier!! (obviously I cannot do that for the monster mash battle if i do win, and make it to the next round that is....) 0.o
# 9
Posted:
Oct 19 2015, 12:03 AM
Jiisuri:BodegaNegra:Cracking Skulls: Keep trying to upload your 3rd page. sometimes if you refresh too soon, it won't catch your pages that were in the process of being uploaded. if any technical issues keep happening, hit either bobo or angie a PM and they'll be able to fix it for you!Quote
thank you for responding. how much time should I give it before I hit refresh? and do I have to do refresh..i just hope me clickin on it isn't messin up the upload.
Quote
You can actually upload a whole bunch of pages at a time. If you do it right, there should be a little bubble that says "Pages uploaded to database"
Quote
yea that's what I did originally. & I only clicked refreshed when I accidently uploaded the wrong image and it wasn't letting me delete it.
and everything looks fine now,.... so hopefully it's ok.i sent a message to angie to let her be aware of the situation and to double check it...thanks for responding btw! im excited to see your comic
# 8
Posted:
Oct 18 2015, 11:54 PM
BodegaNegra:Cracking Skulls: Keep trying to upload your 3rd page. sometimes if you refresh too soon, it won't catch your pages that were in the process of being uploaded. if any technical issues keep happening, hit either bobo or angie a PM and they'll be able to fix it for you!Quote
thank you for responding
Quote
You can actually upload a whole bunch of pages at a time. If you do it right, there should be a little bubble that says "Pages uploaded to database"
# 7
Posted:
Oct 18 2015, 11:41 PM
Cracking Skulls: Keep trying to upload your 3rd page. sometimes if you refresh too soon, it won't catch your pages that were in the process of being uploaded. if any technical issues keep happening, hit either bobo or angie a PM and they'll be able to fix it for you!
Quote
thank you for responding
. how much time should I give it before I hit refresh? and do I have to do refresh..i just hope me clickin on it isn't messin up the upload.# 6
Posted:
Oct 18 2015, 11:18 PM
Keep trying to upload your 3rd page. sometimes if you refresh too soon, it won't catch your pages that were in the process of being uploaded. if any technical issues keep happening, hit either bobo or angie a PM and they'll be able to fix it for you!
# 5
Posted:
Oct 18 2015, 11:03 PM
IM SO CONFUSED DID I UPLOAD ALRIGHT? D: I put up 3 pages but when I refreshed it only showed 2 im confused
# 4
Posted:
Oct 17 2015, 11:18 AM
After many school assignments, a slow mental breakdown and a really overworked hand, it is uploaded!
I'm gonna... lay down and go back to my school assignments now.
I'm gonna... lay down and go back to my school assignments now.
# 3
Posted:
Oct 6 2015, 06:01 PM
Ohoh, assuming the worse, much? It's not as if I've brutally massacred someone's character befo- wait....err...
Well good luck to you anyway. 8'D
Well good luck to you anyway. 8'D
# 2
Posted:
Oct 6 2015, 11:52 AM
Charlie: Hey best of luck you guys, interested to see this one
Quote
thank you!! :3 although i feel sad imagining all the horrible ways jiisuri is killing my character hahaha
# 1
Posted:
Oct 4 2015, 11:05 PM
Hey best of luck you guys, interested to see this one
Comic Details
Death Match
Drawing Time:
2 weeks
Ended:
Oct 25th, 2015
Votes Cast:
20
Page Views:
2112
Winner:
BodegaNegra
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Artist
Second, work on your clarity. Took me many many reads before I figured out what is going on, and even then I am not too clear about the action. Your art's pretty good, but a comic you can't read won't bring in the crowd.
Other than that, good luck on the next round.
PS to Jiisuri: Make sure you join a tourney when you're not busy kay? Not when you only have like literally only one day to draw your comic.