Holden Shark vs. Jessie Valley

Holden Shark vs. Jessie Valley

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Holden Shark72.6%
336 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: No preference


by Energy

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Jessie Valley27.4%
127 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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Kuro
Artist
581 comments
# 11   Posted: Mar 25 2015, 12:51 PM
bang- there's not much really happening in terms of backgrounds. I mean you do the bar-graph style skyline, dot in some lights with a messy soft brush(?). And there's a fence. I'd like to see you tackle some actual structures & set your characters in a world. The other things I noticed were your layouts. Page 3 got gnarly as your panels started to fall out of tiers & fill up with a lot of gutter space. When I see gutters like that, my first thought it that the person doesn't like drawing because it looks like they're looking for an excuse not to. The way the art flowed helped a little at first but if you had simply flipped the angle of the "midwest girls" panel it almost woulda worked. But keep your gutters tight unless you have a very specific reason not to. The other major thing was text. First, 86 that serif font. for real. it looks bad. most of your other lines are being made by hand. to suddenly have this precise print style text is jarring & doesn't compliment your line art. opt for something hand written looking. secondly, keep it uniform unless you really need to emphasize something. There really isn't a reason for the size to keep jumping like that & in some places, it's sitting huge when it really shouldn't. these feel like some of the same things i brought up with your intro pages.  

nrg- manage your time. you put two weeks doing messy brick work rather than giving us a comic. do what I do, draw some bricks real big, repeat it & skew it in when needed. here, you just gave yourself busy work when you had no time for it.

!bangarang!
Artist
43 comments
# 10   Posted: Mar 21 2015, 09:13 AM
Thank you all! for your comments and critiques and otherwise. :3 I had a lot of fun making this, but I will go ahead and say that I did rush it a little bit 'cus I didn't give myself a long enough timeline. I happened to have a ton of other life stuff going on so I gave it my stunted best. I'm still such a newbie at comics, haha. I'm glad I know what to work on next, and I just loved drawing Ms Jessie...I feel a fanart is in order.
Does anybody know of some good GIMP tutorials? The ones I've read I had learned about already.

Crown - I would LOVE to battle you. @_@ I'd always seen Wizzie in the banners, but never actually read her for some reason. *going on a reading spree*

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
408 comments
# 9   Posted: Mar 21 2015, 01:02 AM
NRG: what can I say? This is is a step backward for you as far as I'm concerned, we know you can do better - I'm positive you will next time.

!BANG: Welcome to Void! I really like this character and this comic in general,
though I have a couple of gripes, your panel layouts are a bit too scattered and hard to follow at times, like you can work out where to go but the reader shouldn't have to work it out the eye should be lead, that comes with practice. I'd also perhaps suggest choosing a more comic-appropriate font then a serif type. Websites like dafont.com have suitable free fonts (and a bunch too). The font works for the monologue at the beginning because it could be interpreted as a written up monologue by the character, it's mainly the word balloons it sits funny in.

PS - i promise I'm not an arsehole but we need to battle.

Hobbittastic
Artist
164 comments
# 8   Posted: Mar 20 2015, 03:39 PM
Bang- Jessie's punching on the 3rd page looks wonk. I thought she was catching something the the air- it either needs to be staged better or really think about the weight of throwing a punch; that pose aint doin it. Actually, the more I look at it, you need over all better staging. Some poses seem really off for the shot and the bottom of page 3 you flipped the 180* WHICH IS A HUGE NO NO. Page 3 your character is shown to the right of her, bottom of 4 they're to her left, top of page 5 FIRST panel they're on the left then the VERY NEXT PANEL they're on the right??? If you want to switch sides they need to be shown doing so (like how Jessie moves past them on page 5) or it be obviously from a different angle. Also yeah, those backgrounds...

edit: sorry got my page numbers mixed up

Energy-  @_@

Rose
Web Dev
1180 comments
# 7   Posted: Mar 20 2015, 02:21 PM
@bangarangarangarangarang: I just now read both your intro story and this comic, and I'm loving this feel of a lot of old-school VOID tropes coming back in your comic. I don't know if that was on purpose or not, but as someone who's been (more or less) around since 2005, your character really resonates with me. What do you use to draw? I feel like you've got some neat skills but you're working with some crappy tools. Some of the stuff looked like you drew it with your mouse. I think the roughness of your style would stand out a lot more if the tools you used were smoother, so to speak. I'll also echo Shen a little bit by encouraging you to make your opponents stronger. You want your character to grow, and that's only going to happen if they come up against real challenges. I kind of like the way you portrayed Jessie as far as humor goes, but I think it fell kind of flat without any real juxtaposition against something more real. In other words, it's funny that she seemed to behave completely irrationally, but you didn't give me enough rationality or deep motivation outside of her behavior to tell me whether it was actually a joke or just poor writing on your part. It came across more like you were trying to force the plot instead of taking time to build tension or explore character or whatever. Still, really fun to read and I see tons of potential for you. Like, I think VOID is perfect for you, and I'm so happy you're here!

@energy: DUDE.

Animeshen
Artist
1490 comments
# 6   Posted: Mar 20 2015, 02:08 PM
bangarang, gonna echo the sentiments that if you are gonna phone in your backgrounds you should try to be less obvious about it lol. i like your grimy colours, your moody lighting and the way you draw your character, hes very expressive! I also like that hes kind of an aggressive jerk, in fact, fuck, we could use more of those around here lol, but one thing that bugged me a little is you may want to be considerate in the future how you portray other people's characters cuz Jessie in here was... practically pointless and even the one shot she did get off on him was useless and thats sort of too bad so... definitely go on and continue with Holden as a dissociative grinning asshole, sure lol, but respect your opponent. in any case, great first showing! hope you stick around!
also i thought about it and yeah i think i need to battle you lol

energy- like.... Im not entirely sure what I'm looking at here. I mean you at least need to give us some text.... the brick walls look nice but context would be better ^^;

PyrasTerran
Artist
1512 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 20 2015, 01:37 PM
man what a jerk lol

good job with your comic bangarang, my thought is to spend more time on your backgrounds, the cityscape of the last page mos def needs work with the lights

energy/4p c'mon man, we need some words here. better luck next time!

Kozispoon
Artist
1211 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 20 2015, 12:24 PM
BANGARANG- Whoo, first battle achievement! Good on ya! This first showing is none too shabby, hombre. I definitely like the clarity in your word bubbles/font this time around, but am a little thrown by the superfluous non-capitalization of your i's. Is that intentional, or a slip of the finger on the shift key? I'd definitely keep an eye on your sound effects seeing as Jessie Valley's tapping feet on page two sort of blend in with the darkness of the background. Maybe try outlining the sound effects in white for them to stand out from the environment?
Voids been pretty palsy walsy lately, so I like that we have an actual no goodnik coming into the fore. Definitely looking forward to more from you!

ENERGY- I really don't know what to say- especially when you compare this to your last two battles. Seems life got the best of you considering the content you got for two weeks. Better luck next time, hombre!

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
408 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 20 2015, 10:50 AM
I think we have found Wizzie's long lost brother. (Will write crits later)

Red
Council
703 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 9 2015, 09:44 AM
Good luck!

Fearn
Artist
366 comments
# 1   Posted: Feb 27 2015, 06:20 AM
wha that was quick! go go go!

Comic Details -

 
Regular Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks + 1
Ended: Mar 26th, 2015
Votes Cast: 20
Page Views: 1654
Winner: !bangarang!
 

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