I wish I'd been able to vote on this one, but I feel the need to comment all the same.

Charlie: Your artwork rocks, man, I dig your high contrast manga style.  Kind of reminds me of Dead Leaves, which is awesome.  Unfortunately, I think you really could've presented this scene in a more interesting way.  Using the doctor's office as a frame, you should've shown us all the cool things she was venting about.  Your kinetic style is wasted here.  The first and last pages are killer though, it just ended right where I was getting interested.  Love the last panel, and the swirling dust of the descending robots, especially.

Fern:  I just flat out loved every second of this.  I completely disagree with Wei's comment regarding the setting.  I'm relatively unfamiliar with both of these characters, but I instantly understood that the cats with human pets thing was a stylistic choice being used to tell this particular story.  What explanation could be needed?  Like this has to be some sort of Planet of the Apes scenario?  It's just a cute and imaginative way to tell a story.  Simple as that.

Your character interactions and dialogue hit all the right beats for me.  Your characters' expressions are easy to read, and you managed to illicit a reaction from me I rarely have had while reading a comic.  When Pyro threatens Bub over Ivy's actions, I legitimately felt heartbroken for him.  That face he makes is gut-wrenching.

I'm gonna have to go read all of you guys' comics now (I'm new).  Charlie, sorry to hear you might not be battling anymore, I woulda liked to challenge ya sometime.

I wasn't able to vote on this but I want to reward the effort spent with a proper commentary/critique;

CHARLIE: I've already commented in regards to deadlines and time management vs. creative control and reaching personal goals for personal work (and who better to do so than a complete failure in that respect) but I will re-iterate that what is here and is finished is good stuff...really very good stuff you should be pleased with..... and you should keep aiming for the goals you have established.

FERN: this is a strong effort and entry overall...I enjoyed it and the Richard Scarry vibe despite the complete lack of any explanation whatsoever as to why you so radically changed up yours or Charlie's characters(not saying you shouldn't have done it only that you should have established why you did it to some extent within the story) ..
..one point of criticism would be your choice to render the very different emotional points in mostly the same manner and that there isn't the same level of detail(incidental or otherwise) through out the comic

for example the 4th panel on page 7 is subtle but brilliant.....you have a darker negative emotion clearly coming from a figure in contrasting darker heavily hatched space beside the more simple 'sunnier' figure on the right(great example of visual storytelling)
..... and more severely a lack of menace and surreality in what should otherwise be an emotionally disturbing scene when Ivy threatens and attacks Pyro...you lost an opportunity there and muted the scene just a gradual shift from light to dark would have greatly increased the delivery and menace of page 5

your technique is good and well executed..... now you need to start focusing more on how you use it, why and when

Forgot to write up my comments on this while it was going on but just wanted to say you guys are both so masterful in your artwork. Stuff like this always makes me want to get better.

Chahhlie, your art is among my favorites here. I don't even hate on the unfinished rough stuff, I always like seeing what lines and shapes people choose to lay down beneath their finished work, it's the kind of stuff I can learn from. For sure I'd be drawing some fucked up hands and feet if I hadn't dissected other people's work. It's a bummer that you won't be battling anymore but maybe we'll get to see a webcomic from you?? Just give the people what they want!

Fern, I really enjoyed your comic. That pet human role reversal thing was a fun thing and was worked into the story well. It's a world with its own set of rules and you got the reader there without having to relate the pets in your story to our preconceived ideas of what a pet is (by having them wear collars or play fetch or something of that sort). And the linework is really beautiful, visually it's kind of got this Julia Gfrorer/Nero O'Reilly/Boulet kind of vibe that I've been into lately. Can't wait to see your next comic in the tournament and congrats on the win.

Yeah sorry guys about the small text. My screen is super huge and I didn't realize until after I exported the whole thing too small since I thought it'd be too big for everyone else. As for the to be continued, I had a tourney plot in mind so this was it for the first part. Next combatant would have taken the next story, and the finale would have been versus the final opponent obviously (but its not gonna happen now). I'll definitely keep making comics but I think my battling days are over. Thanks for all the kind words on this lackluster piece all the same.

CHARLIE- That first page is strong. Strong like bull! It never ceases to amaze me that your work can be so detailed yet simple at the same time. You'd think the rain would make your panels look way too busy, but I think it all balances out rather well. While its a bummer this comic is incomplete, its interesting to see your process and how you bounce around from page to page working on stuff. When I got to page two, I assume your dialogue was a placeholder for your actual font, but as I read on (or tried to), I realize that was it. That font is SUPER tiny! To the point I had to blow your pages up on my screen to read it. Ouch! I'm also wondering if your 'to be continued' is just another means to wrap up what is essentially half done and unfinished. Still, good effort for the time given considering!


FERN- Wooow, definitely not where I expected this to go. I actually had to do a doubletake! Though seeing Ivy replicate herself brought it all back. So neat to see her powers in action! I'm just tickled to see such an unconventional and clever direction to take your comic! I actually made an undignified sound at the sight of your opponents. That little bunny girl is ridiculously cute. Criminal even. Way to really think outside the box in order to not only appeal, but coincide a bit with your opponents world, but still make it your own. This totally reminds me of those old golden bound childrens books, but with a insidious twist. That Ivy is one spooky squirt when you mess with her and her own. That second to last page gave me chills. I really have no complaints. One of your stronger tales, lady. Keep it up!

Charlie- I am of course delighted to see you back! But I kind of had a hard time following this... the text was kind of small and the art got really sketchy and not a lot seemed to happen. I dont really know how to critique it cuz I know you can do amazing work and I think you know what went wrong better than I do. but the first and last page were really cool!

Fern- wow, unique lol! what an interesting take on the characters! and holy shit, Ivy was a little terror!I like your sketchy lines and you full a page nicely. the layouts are great, and what a scary ending! This was a great comic!

Charlie - I loved your style and the way you drew Enda City. I thought it looked excellent. I wish that the whole entry had been as finished as it started out, it would have been so cool to see. Pretty good entry, and I await to see what happens next in your story. Hopefully you can finish the next one to the level that page 1 here had, again... it looks really nice! I sort of wish that the lettering had been maybe even one size larger, but I could still read it after enlarging on my screen, so it worked out in the end.

Fern - I can't tell you how much I liked your art here. It was so perfect for the story. I also love how creepy it got towards the end once Ivy started multiplying with that crazy look on her face.... reminded me almost of like...a "happy" Japanese horror comic, both in style and just some of the panel layouts and content. The role reversal universe idea was extremely cool. For a second I was like.... what? But once I got it, I thought it was very creative. Excellent work. I know others have had a few comments about the style, but I think it fit this very well.

Gonna step out of line and argue that your use of the page-space and lack of gutters is one of my favorite things about your stuff >___>

Charlie            -

               AWWW YEEAAAAAH CHARLIIEEEE COMIIIIICS. So hype. I already said it on twitter, but don't worry so much about speed dude. Like, everytime I do an SDT, I always plan for my speed to be waaaaaay down in the first round, cause I'm just not in the groove. It takes time to get a rhythm. I'm so much slower now that I haven't battled in awhile, it's so sad T-T

              I've always really liked how you use other grey's in your work, it really helps drop stuff back while letting you use your solid, sharp blacks. Have you ever thought about using some of those other grey's in your foreground stuff? If you used more grey lines throughout your work (and maybe a larger range of greys?), you could use the softer greys to work in more heavy detail, but still preserve large, distinct areas of negative space, making it way easier to parse your scenes. You don't even need to make a decision regarding what should and shouldn't be gray when you're drawing. You can just lock the transparency of your line art layer and colour the lines afterwards super easily.

        It always blows me away how easily you convey action and movement dude, you make it look so effortless.



Fern        -

           AHHHHHH That was really good dude! I don't really have many criticisms unfortunately. I agree with Will that your figures are the most inconsistent part of these comics. Like your hatching is always strong and confident, but every so often your character's outlines get a little wobbly or scratchy. I'm sure you'll iron it out as you make stuff.

         I also think you default to the strait on shot too often.  Even if I didn't think depicting stuff head on is usually a little too static and isolating, you fall back on it too much for p much any kind of shot choice.

          I love the hatching and style of everything, it's super charming and pleasant. It's totally drawn and depicted as a light-hearted story, but this could've easily been a pretty horrific horror story haha. It's really looking great dude, and the story is very well constructed.

And here I was, thinking it was pretty lighthearted for me.

Thanks for the comments so far guise! Charlie don't feel bad, you really don't owe me anything

Charlie: always been a fan of your kinetic art so not much to say there, just wished it was complete. But with this comic my main gripe is the story. I'm sorry, but I had a really, really hard time staying interested. By page 3-4 I'm just getting lost in all the talking and talking that felt like it wasn't moving as fast as it should be. Maybe it's cause I haven't seen the Wonderland crew with any continuity in the past battles they've been in so I didn't feel a reason to care about alice's situation (this comic isn't exactly stand-alone like Fern's is, it feels like you need context of the characters and world to appreciate most), maybe it was the small text that made it a chore to focus on, or maybe I just read the comic too late and I'm tired, but for whatever reason I just couldn't get invested in what was happening. But I've read good and engaging comics from you in the past so I'm confident you'll bounce back in your next one~


Fern: It took me 2-3 pages to figure out what you were doing with the role reversal universe lol but I did enjoy my read, it's a narrative that's both cute and bizarre at the same time. There are some anatomical issues here and there, like the first panel of page 3, that you can blame on the perspective but I'd watch out for those.


good job guys keep up the good work~

Thanks Will for the critique. I think a large portion of the muddiness was when I tend to get in a rush I don't stop for the composition. I think had I avoided the tones a lot of the issues could have been avoided on page 1 in particular (as it was the one that ate up most of my time), but I tried to instead use it to try and hide stuff I felt weak on something I was running out of time on. I feel it a lot easier to balance composition and focus on individual pieces, but these deadlines got the better of me and learning my way around translating my illustration style into a comic I guess needs more time to get there. As for the gutters that is something I am trying to figure out - I am not overly fond of the regular white gutters on a page. I like having everything compact but again, like you said, it does cause clutter. Guess I'll just have to experiment with that.

I'll definitely be thinking more of it though in future comic projects. Thanks a lot for the feedback dude.

This is like two titans clashing.  Both of your styles in art and storytelling are from the ends of the spectrum so it's definitely an interesting battle.  

Charlie, you're always a high detail dude with lots of shadows and contrasts which is always my favorite kind of art.  It is unfortunate you couldn't finish but hopefully you learned more about yourself by placing yourself on this sort of deadline once more.  Unfortunately I think compositions and balance tend to be the weakest parts of your storytelling.  Your strength is also your weakness, as your high level of detail is really awesome but also really difficult to look at.  There's no where for the eye to rest.  This isn't aided by the fact that you don't really have gutters to speak of in your comic.  I get that it's a stylistic thing but it also means everything is accelerated timewise.  Also the fact that you have no negative space is hard on the eyes.  Like let's look to our predecessors here like James Stokoe.  He is a high level detail dude like you.  But take a look at any part of his art.  

Let's use this one for example:
http://cadencecomicart.com/artwork/23632.jpg

I'm using this example randomly but you can look at any of Stokoe's picture and they all have balance.  There is crazy detail that you can get lost in but there's a balance to the image which he balances by using large open sky.  This true for all of his art and you'll notice this is how he tends to balance his art, by having crazy detailed foregrounds balanced against empty skies.  This makes it easier for us as the viewer to concentrate on what needs attention.  If you're going quickly you scan the big parts, otherwise you can scan the detail at your leisure.  So I think for you, you're going to have to practice the use of white to create balance in your work.  I assume it'd be different if this was color as you could use color to break things up and group them but it's a bit of a cheat and a crutch, work on the balance first as your backbone.  

Fern, for you it's interesting that yours is the opposite.  I really enjoyed how creative your story was and how you took your opponent's character and reinterpreted them in a neat way.   There's a lot of neat detail and texture and through the use of negative space we never get lost in the art.  Even so I'd like to see more shadow work from you to make those a little stronger so we'll get more of a sense of depth from your figures.  And don't forget to have objects cast shadows as well.  What I see here is just a style that needs more practice whether it's cloth and fabric or maintaining consistency.  There is a loss of consistency in your figures at different distances, different proportions and the like.  This was a good strong comic so just keep practicing.  You've improved a lot over time as it is.

Damnit I was worried about the text being so small, my screen is pretty big and I probably didn't export as big as I could because I thought maybe then it'd be TOO big. Well that was a big oversight on my part.

Anyway thanks Wei and JBA, and sorry Fern for the cruddy comic. I'll have to make it up to you by drawing one of your characters or something. Also Fern your comic is beautifully dark in its humour and I love what you did.

Yeah dude, Charlie, yours are the comics that basically got me wanting to do this whole thing; your stuff is crazy good and Wei's exactly right, having a style that requires an excess of time doesn't mean don't do it at all! (tbh I'm usually even impressed by the unfinished spots if that makes any sense >___>) That -saaaiiid- this time I couldn't read the text super clearly because it's so small :C Awesome start either way!

Fern: Wow how have I not read anything of yours yet? I really liked this; very interesting take on the WONDERLAND crew, and Ivy is suuuper creppy ;___;  Well done!

Charlie you put a lot of effort and energy into your comics.....if this is the level of quality you want to try and produce then so what if 2 weeks isn't enough time to do the level of work you wanna do...this doesn't mean don't make comics....make more comics at the level you want and in the amount of time it requires....more practice will make you faster

proper response to actual comics later

UpLoAdEd!

My right hand is demanding a holiday now.

Well I submitted. I'm sorry in advance for disappointing. I honestly tried this time, but I don't know if I'm cut out for this. I'm far too slow now and one page took up the bulk of all my free time :/. I know I can't get the entire thing polished by tonight so I uploaded what I have and if I have the time to go back to it later tonight I will.

Fffffffffff
I just logged on and had a mini heart attack cos Queen of Void was all on the top (but theres no comics to vote on) and for a split second thought I fucked up and it was all up.

JESUS JESUS

I'm actually quite excited for this matchup, my head is already flowing with ideas . I hope to do right in this tourney for my prior track record and make up for all the shitty comics I made before I left.

WOAHHH AWESOME1!!

Nice! Good luck, cant wait to read!