Puzzle: I wanted to do the comic in red/black/white and I totally had the time to, but I never got around it. The first and second page kinda show what feel I was going for.

I'll try to change my lines for the next battle - thanks.

I'm definitely going to draw more detective stories at some point. Columbo is one of my fav shows, only surpassed by Poirot.

Wutata            -

                  I love the idea of doing a detective/mystery comic, even if you didn't have the time to finish it. Don't stick to your story if you realize you don't have the time to pull it off though. You could've just changed it to a comedy, and had Cecilia just suddenly holding a big knife and covered in blood, or something, anything else. You should never get so married to your original story that you don't adapt to time issues, no matter how great it is.

               I think you should ease off using suggested line a little bit, because you employ it like alot alot, and it makes everything feel less substantial and rushed. Save suggested lines for lighter, airy things (like hair and fur) or structures without definite edges (like folds).

                Also, if you're gonna tell noire style stories, you should totes play around with lighting and mood, it's an awesome opportunity. Like, I was super sad your comic starts with "It was raining like hell" and then we never get to see any moody night time rain ( I am seriously in love with rain). I don't think you have to or anything! And I definitely agree it's way more important for you to work on your lines and structure, it just seems like a fun thing to play with if you find you have the time.

                 God knows I've consumed way too much Columbo and Sherlock Holmes, so I'm totally psyched if you're gonna do more comics like this!


Jiisuri              -

                  You really need to work on using more internal lines to describe form. Like, no ones clothes have any folds or subletly. Without those lines you lose alot of your ability to illustrate compression and extension, and it makes your figures way more stiff than they need to be. Do some drapery studies, and always try to think of how your characters clothes/body is being pulled and compressed by their actions.

                  There's alot of stuff I'd bring up if it weren't for those first two panels on the first page. You put so much effort into those shots, and I can totally see how far you've come just from those two panels alone. If your next comic is that level of quality throughout, it's gonna be sooooo great!

Thanks for the critiques so far! The main reason I had to resort in written wall-o-text was because I didn't get to work on this enough so I had to drop quite a lot from this. There were supposed to be cardboard spectators, visible microphones, bad dialogue and whatnot... Even a page about Wiltsie stuttering lines and catching people telling lies in their testimonies. I had whole bunch of fun drawing this, as I'm a detective story nut and as such, I want to do more of these. Maybe even create a Christie-style murder solving hero/ine for VOID.

My excuses are work, laziness and procrastination.

Kura: If wasn't as lazy as I am, I would have left the solution out of the comic (and later reveal it in the forums) and given more dialogue and shots of the scene . It's even missing the actual event of murder. Minori needed to hear the testimonies from and see the suspects to find the definite solution to the mytseyr [sic].

Ransom: My backgrounds get no love because they are a strange to me and I'm real shy... I need to get out of my comfort zone and draw tons of backgrounds and sceneries. Also you're welcome! Another cameo is coming soon to another BB near you in near future!

Wutata: It's cool that you're pushing yourself with some odd perspectives - though interestingly the perspective on page 3 is more off and it's at a common angle. You should probably work on nailing that as well! Your backgrounds also sometimes consist of a lot of non descript lines - you yourself probably know what's there, but articulation is key for the rest of us. Also, I usually don't read if I see a page filled with writing only - I'd have much preferred to see more drawings, even if it made the story a bit more vague. Your characters are looking better.
P.S. Thanks for the cameo in your previous BB - I only played catch up just now!

Jiisuri: Your action is nice! But I agree that you need to work on loosening up the figures. Also, your backgrounds fall over after you did them so well on the first page! I understand some of this could be a time issue.

Especially though you should fix up your panels! Oftentimes they could do with a bit more spacing. Choose the same width for your spacing and use it throughout the entire page. This takes a minimal amount of effort but it will make your work look a lot less messy.

Wu AT-AT:
Your faces are getting a lot better. Expressions are clear but you could push them  even further if you exaggerate them a bit more. I really like your panels where you push your perspective; it makes the shots much more interesting, and when it's cleaned up, your perspective work looks incredible and I wanna see more! When you have cleaner lines, your mix of thin and thick lines is excellent and they flow so smoothly! It looks awesome and really makes your art pop.

On that note, definitely work on polishing those lines. The first two panels on P.4 look great. They're simple, bold, confident lines that should be on the rest of your work! So do it! Your backgrounds need the same kind of lovin', too. The lines that are supposed to create your background are either so light and scribbly that you can barely make out what's going on or there's just nothing there. There's sooo much empty space on P.6 - it looks like that page wasn't planned out very well. Lastly, show don't tell. I think this story would have been a lot more intriguing and engaging if we had a chance to look for clues or anything out of the ordinary as opposed to a report telling us the story.

You've got tooons of potential and I look forward to seeing how awesome you do in your future battles!


Jiisuri:
I really love the hatching you've got going on, especially on the first. Really adds some great texture. When you do shots that aren't straight on, they look amazing. My favorite is the last panel on P. 4. Lots of action, cool as hell off kilter horizon and angle, and the chaos of the blade cutting people AND objects is awesome. I definitely would love to see you play up those weird angles and perspective demanding shots. You pull them off well!

I know you had to rush a bit, but I only have a couple of gripes. One is that your characters are super stiff. Their movements seem clunky and far from fluid. Definitely recommend doing some gestures to loosen up bodies. And then on P. 5, the dialogue in your second panel and the panel in the middle are a bit confusing. The tails are too short and it's a bit hard to tell if Miyajima is talking or if it's the other detective talking.

It stinks you had to hurry up with this, but what you do have is pretty great! I'm curious what's going to happen in part two!

wutata: a detective story is no fun if the reader doesn't have any chance to try and solve the mystery themselves.  Proper detective fiction follows a specific set of rules.  I suggest taking a look at Knox's 10 commandments and S.S. Van dine's 20 rules for a better understanding of detective fiction.

If your joke is that Minori solves the mystery immediately then that failed due to poor execution mainly because you set it up as a normal detective story instead of a parody.  The joke would have worked better if she had solved the mystery at page 2 then went on a really long and overly complicated explanation of how she knew.

LJS: i know you had time constraints but I feel like the to be continued wasn't necessary.  The fight was resolved, and I think only one more page to foreshadow the warp circles or that control chip would have been sufficient.

No thumbs for one of the sides since I put this up on my phone and someone else had thumbed the other comic.

WELP, HERE'S TO HOPING IT MAKES SENSE~

Also, srsly Jiisuri don't do these challenges during midterm season, you're just asking for a cold.

WUTATA. YOU BETTER

Good luck dudes~

This time, I swear, I will have completed comic in all aspects.