Umbrella: man once the trex said it's not enough... I really thought it was time to add pigeon too the menu, and maybe a few soldiers. I do like the time travel that sparks the death judgement it was a nice twist but deep down I wanted the trex rampage but I liked it and I liked the story and sketchy hatching and strong drawing skill you displayed in this one

Puzzle: I read the comments here and then went back and took a second look at both of the comics. I think that the issue with the deaths and what is giving them the tacked on feel is just some visual keys that might be needed. Like the first book I didn't know that anyone died. And if one did then i thought they both did. But I saw the explosion and the two figures and then the falling paper so I just figured it was either both or neither. The 2nd one I think it just needs, at some point, to show the origin of the bullets.  Like if it was a plane, seeing it fly away in that last shot or getting blown up would have helped put the cause of the death into the same world as the unfortunate victim. If it was a volley showing towers or something to establish the ever present "other army" to give a visual acknowledgment to the looming killer might help tie the deaths to their reality and daily life.

To quote myself: 'folks just blabbing away for the win' The conversations are the GOOD part of these comics, please don't do away with them! (Unless that's what you want, then who am I to stop you? You're old enough to make your own decisions.) You just need to think more about the 'death' part of this death tournament and how it impacts on the characters and the world. The interest of conversation is insight into the day to day of the characters, the way they act, think, the way they feel. And you do that, but then you cut it. Nothing really needs to change, just don't limit the insight because you want to make this feel quotidian, realize that death IS a part of her day to day, not an obstacle to it, not a crazy thing that happens outside of it.

This is exactly what I was telling Puzzle! I think you can basically stick to your core concept and still throw a dash of plot in there. I think the conversations are super goddamn amazing, and I think you should totally continue, I think everyone is just craving a bit more. You're doing a super great job with these, I wish I could write conversation that well ; ;

I think that as long as there's some consequences shown from what has happened so far, be it Cher Ami and friends acknowledging/addressing it and/or a change of scenery as a result of these surprise attacks,  you can stick with the conversation-driven stories.

Ahhhhhhhhh, thanks everyone for the super great crits. I would wait until right before voting ends to respond, but I'm sort of hoping someone will give me feedback on an issue I'm having with the comic, because I was afraid I was gonna being bad enough at comics that these exact crits would happen. Hopefully I'm not being a bother or anything, you guys have already given such amazing feedback.

      I'm going to get right to my whole thing and then do the individual thanks, otherwise I'll have to bring it up like 20 times, because most of are picking up on the same issues haha.

       I sorta went into this wanting to make a series of comics that were just conversations between people, because I don't think I'm very good at just writing and drawing people talking to each other for no reason and having it be fun to read. I have a tendency to mix in so much plot progression and melodramatic stuff that it chokes conversation. The deaths are supposed to be sudden and jarring, but they're not supposed to be weak and feel tacked on, and I was super afraid I wouldn't be good enough to keep them from feeling like that, or keep a bunch of comics about talking interesting. And it seems like I was right to be afraid of that, and ended up totally messing up.

     So I guess what I'm asking is (IF I have another round) can I make this format work if I try really hard to not suck, or did I just make bad design decisions walking into this and this is just going to get more and more boring? Regardless of whether or not I abandon what I'm trying to figure out, I'm totally gonna take these crits to heart because something definitely needs to change.

Thanks everyone, and sorry that was so long. I hope it doesn't come off as though I'm trying to defend myself from crits or I'm fishing for hugs, I'm just conflicted.


@Mintley

                 Thanks! I was incredibly torn about doing the blank telegram. I wasn't sure if it was obvious enough why is was blank, or if maybe it was just too sad for a comic that's ideally supposed to be bittersweet. Thanks for bring up all the stuff about the deaths and everything, I was really hoping that if I was messing that stuff up people would tell me!


@Bobo

                    Ahhh, thank you! The lines would've been like chartreuse green this time, because it's just whatever the other major color of the comic is. I'll probably just do them without the sketch lines from now on, so thanks for letting me know!


@Cold

                  Thanks so much, Sometimes I feel like the colouring is a little too simple and boring, especially when I see some of the other amazing comics on void, so I'm glad you like it!


@LeFred

           Thanks for the great crit dude, it means alot. She's supposed to be a generally cheerful character, and the stories aren't supposed to have anything to do with eachother, but I think you're right. I think at this point I need to start adding stuff that acknowledges whats going on or the overall theme will get way weaker.

         Ah, I was totally worried about the forest green, it's by far the darkest colour on the page. I'll try and check my initial color pallete in grey scale first to make sure it doesn't get that crazy again. Also, thanks very much for bringing up the stuff about the deaths, really.


@Pyras

              Thanks so much dude! I glad you liked some of the ideas, and I super sorry I didn't do anything interesting with those ideas. The comics are supposed to be episodic, not boring :/ . Again, thank you very much for telling me the ending stinks, I needed to hear it.


@Fed

                   Thanks so much for reading dude, and commenting even though you didn't like it, it's really awesome of you. I hope that doesn't come off as sarcastic or anything, because I mean it. Also, thanks for bringing up how you feel about the ending, because when so many dudes say something is wrong I don't have to feel unsure about anything, there's obviously a problem hahaha.


@Justin

       I feel like that should be the motto of this whole tournament :C

Such a shame this is only a second round match. You both deserve to advance.

Umbrella: Nice twist on a deathmatch, I liked it.. Shame about the quality but you'll get 'em next time

Puzzle: I'm not sure whether I liked it or not.. Your art is top-quality and the story / dialogue is interesting enough but the end comes so suddenly, I miss some kind of resolution / wrap-up. Still, good job overall and awful lot of pages for one week.. Impressive!

Umbrellafrog: sad that you couldn't finish the lines completely


Puzzlething:
Making Dinosaur Princess a granny drill sergeant: GENIUS
Noting that her kind are ancestors to the birds: FUCKING GENIUS
Acknowledging that she could very well have had plumage like many other dinosaurs: GOD FUCKING GENIUS
Making essentially the same kind of story as last time: NOT GENIUS

It's great story really, but I liked it the first time as well, it's a bummer that you chose the same route. There doesn't seem to be any connection between this story and the last, there's no mention of what happened. And it sucks that we don't get to see her reactions to these tragic deaths. You're getting  passing grade in my book, but I hope next round you deliver somethin' fiercely fresh!

Puzzlething, we know that Cher Ami has witnessed sudden violent death, but we have no idea how she reacts to it. She is just as cheerful here as in the previous comic, and because you end on this crazy random deaths, we have no reactions from her. I'm not saying she needs to become all sad and gloomy, but I'd like for you to acknowledge the deaths a bit more. Right now, they have the suddenness, but not the impact. Also where are the enemies and wouldn't they see them coming from way far away in this empty desert? I feel like Dino princess' green is a bit too dark and too green? It just feels a bit off to me. Not by much. And your stuff is super prettyful and I love everything so much except the things I said. Folks just blabbing away for the win.

Frog, how can anyone put Cher Ami to death? She's too cute for death row! I get that you didn't have time to clean it up, but as it is, you have a lot of thin lines going all over each other, it can get the panels cluttered, especially in the first pages. I don't know how I feel about not knowing if Cher Ami actually let Dino princess go or not. It leaves place for interpretation, and maybe I don't like that? But maybe I kinda do in this case? I don't even know. Nice comic anyway.

Puzzlething:I don't have much to say. I have got to say I am in LOVE with your coloring. The last page was poignant and sad...there's no one left to send the message to T_T. And Cher Ami is just a darling character.

Umbrella Frog: This was such a great comic. The amount of detail that went into the background characters were fantastic, the fact that it wasn't totally polished didn't bother me one bit. Every panel was expressive and interesting, and moved the plot forward nicely.

Frog: Really fun character designs, and the story was cute. It's a shame it wasn't more finished, and I was hoping for a little more interaction between the two princesses or something, but still a decent comic.

Puzzle: Puzzle: Puzzle: Just. Lots of smiles. That's all I can say. Okay, I can say more. I just loved this so much!!! At first I thought the last page was a mistake, but then I got it and... wow, what a sad ending! Props for making your foe such an honorable individual, though! There's really just nothing bad I can say about this beautiful comic! As for the linework, I do think it looks a little better without your sketch lines in there. They worked really well in the last comic, but I guess I'm just kind of a clean person, so I like the clarity provided by omitting the blue lines. Can't wait till next round!

 AHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD. You wrote Cher Ami so well! I love how you took the conversational format of my comics and turned it into the flaw that gets her killed. So clever dude! It's drawn beautifully too, polished or not. Every character has such great movement and posture. The animal army is awesooooome, especially the rabbit and mouse, and the texture of Cher Ami's scarf on the first page is perfect. I spent the whole week terrified of what you'd submit, and that fear was totally well founded.

 Ahahaha, man if I lose this'll be the second time someone kills my character in court!

Both of these were fantastic, sorry you weren't able to polish your entry up, Umbrella, it was looking really good even at its current level.  I really enjoy how you made it as casual, and avoided the whole 'dinosaur eats bird' scenario.  In fact, it was really entertaining that you set it up so it could happen, and then completely deviated from that.  I am a little sad it's one of those implied deaths, but it's conclusive and makes sense, so it's not a huge deal.

Puzzle, I think that it was really good this was your second round match-up.  Comparing to the first round where the final page had that telegram, it makes the final page here just that much more powerful, I really got a hit to my feels when I saw that blank telegram.  You are really rocking these, although I will say that one thing that is bothering me is how sudden these attacks are, and how un-prepared the members of this troop seem to be.  I feel like the entertainment that you present is all with the charming conversational pieces, but then there's a death at the end that, in this case, feels a little bit slapped on.

DONE FINALLY! So I tried doing this one without using my roughs in the final art, so please tell me which you like more, with or without.

Also Pocky, you said you liked the font I'm using, and I totally didn't tell you what it's called! Sorry about that, it's called LaCartoonerie.

Can't wait to see your stuff Umbrella, that drawing on your tumblr was so so so amazing!

EDIT: Just letting everyone know, the lovely amazing supergreat preview images are not by me, but by Underwood. He was nice enough to let me slather some colour over his lines and use it.

NO THESE ARE MY TWO FAVORITES NOO WHY

Much luck to both of you, I can't wait for this!

I expect to see pickelhaubes, kiboshes, and sheer epicness. * 3*

oooh, pick of the round!! Hype HYPE HYPEEE!!!

Pigeon Princess meets an ancestor

Uggggggggggggghhhh, I have to figure out how to write an everday conversation with a muthafuckin T-rex. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF  Good luck Umbrella, though I think I'm the one who's going to need it.

ooooo... pins and needles! some of my favorite work with the pigeon princess goes up against a comic i have been quoting for a week now... can't wait!


"I m a MOTHER FUCKING T-REX!!!"