2013 Tag Tournament: Round 2 / Tabris and Hazel 'Haze' Kamaka vs. Scrumpy and Mammon

2013 Tag Tournament: Round 2 — Tabris and Hazel 'Haze' Kamaka vs. Scrumpy and Mammon

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for TabrisIcon for Hazel 'Haze' Kamaka51.3%
837 points
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Crit level: No preference


by Rah and Magistelle

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for ScrumpyIcon for Mammon48.7%
795 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Rah
Artist
57 comments
# 23   Posted: Mar 28 2013, 12:48 PM
I just wanted to say, congrats Space-Aged and Thresher on your win! I really loved your comic, such quality art and amazing backgrounds. The direction you took it in was so creative and bizarre but I very much enjoyed it! I'm happy with the creative liberties you took with my character in this instance, that sort of thing has potential to go wrong but the confidence with which you applied it made it work. Thanks for the battle and good luck in the rest of the Tourney!

Also, to everyone else, thanks for the feedback and critique, this comic was an experiment for both of us and I feel we learned a lot, both from what worked and what didn't. Definitely will be applying some of your tips in future comics.

Pennydox
Artist
235 comments
# 22   Posted: Mar 24 2013, 08:23 PM
Thresher/space-aged: Just like last time, the art is very beautiful. The melancholy color palate really gives it a darker mood. I feel the reason why it is difficult for me to judge the plot is that the other characters in this battle and the past battle don't really have the personality or feeling as what I've known them to be. Sort of how the plot works, but the characters aren't what they usually are. Unless that is your intention, and if it is, then I'm wrong. I really love the composition of the frames, however, doesn't quite help tell the story very well. It's hard to pick up which panel you should look first/second/third/last. (example: page 2 and 10). One way to help you understand the composition is if you take the comic and draw a line through the panels that you want to read first to last--if the line that you drew on this comic makes weird circles and isn't an obvious and consistent Z shape, it is likely to be too complicated. If it were just images, it wouldn't be as much of an issue, but since you have dialogue and action going on, it gets tricky.

Becs/Magistelle: I think the thing that bothered me the most was how Scrumpy and Mammon looked too young and childish. Even if they were playing around and drunk, the way they're drawn with such large head/eyes and smooth wide face makes them seem far more out of character than normal (panel five of page two). This is comparing it to the way Tabris and Hazel look in this comic. Comparing ages by how they were drawn compared to Scrumpy and Mammon, the two ladies look like they're five years older or something. The severe lighting effects on the panels looked really great, especially in the flashback. The sound effects are written in the same typography/hand as the speech bubbles, so it doesn't pop out as much either, and it doesn't help when the color of the sound effects are very similar with its surroundings (thus, blending it a little more). The colors in this comic is clean and fabulous.

Puzzlething
Artist
457 comments
# 21   Posted: Mar 24 2013, 10:21 AM
Thresher/Spaced -
      Your linework gets kind of scratchy sometimes, and you end up making a lot of unimportant, very thin lines. I really liked how much more you relied on suggested line and meaningful line weight variation in the first page, and it would've been cool to have the rest of the comic done like that.

      Lots of the shadows seem like they're just darker versions of whatever the base tone was, and I think using cold shadows would've worked really well in this comic, what with the mostly blue environment. It would've helped ground the figures in the setting.

    Besides that it's amazing. You establish a really great tone for the art and story, and maintain it really well. The stuff your doing with your panels is really cool, but I think it's restrained enough that I didn't have any difficulty following the story, soo hell yeah bro. It's a really well told story.


Becs/Magistelle- The coloured lineart was really cool, and I like how you used it to show intense sources of light, but added some light forms on the characters once they get outside outside into the riot would've been nice. Dramatic lighting for a dramatic scene, and it would made the fire seem more intense.

    On page 6 when Tabris stops the giants foot, you don't really get a sense of the massive amount of force landing on her, or the huge weight on her shoulders. There's no overlaping lines of the foot, and no compression. You could've even done that silly anime ground-under-strong-dude-shatters thing. Also in pages 6 and 7 the backgrounds just sort of stop existing, which sucks because I mostly thought the way they were handled otherwise was pretty strong. A little more suggested texture would've been nice, you played around a little bit with it in stuff like the wooden tables, some brick walls, and every so often a tattered shirt, but I totally think you could've pushed it a little farther.

    You have really strong, charming lineart that just makes it enjoyable to watch the characters, and a great sense of color.

Energy
Artist
139 comments
# 20   Posted: Mar 23 2013, 07:10 PM
Inx/Space - I felt a little puzzled by the panelling in some of the pages (2, 3, and 9 in particular).  I felt that those pages could've been a bit stronger with some of the unnecessary panels removed and some of those aligned more from left to right than all over the place and stuff.

I liked the story.  Keep it up.

Mags/Becs - I guess that all I can say, really is that the perspective in one of the pages seems a tiny bit off to me.  I think it might be the way the windows on the buildings are positioned.

Aside from that, the beginning part of the comic was pretty funny and I enjoyed it overall.

Hope to see more.

Angie
Council
1937 comments
# 19   Posted: Mar 22 2013, 05:01 PM
Thresher/Spaced-I like the color palette in this a lot, it really gives a nice cold feeling. While it's good to try new layouts, I feel like they were a little too confusing. On pages 2 and 3 I had difficulty figuring out what panel was supposed to go first. Clarity is more important than flash, so it's okay to use simpler layouts for the sake of readability. I think that 9 was the most confusing out of all the pages layout wise as you have so many different panel size and layout dynamics within the page it all gets really hard to tell what I'm supposed to read first.

Becs/Magistelle-I liked the use of gradients and texture here, it really helped give the comic a soft feeling. This entry was weaker than your last entry, it looks like you guys had less time to really devote to prettying this up. The coloring works well but I felt like the lines were rushed. I'm not sure if that was a problem in the previous entry since the coloring kind of hid the lines on that one. Story wise I felt like I was thrown into the middle of something and didn't quite get what I was thrown into. Like we're in a bar and then shit gets serious, and then everyone sort of leaves. I wasn't sure what was going on and you guys sort of left me hanging.

Pocketmouse
Artist
101 comments
# 18   Posted: Mar 20 2013, 11:40 AM
Both teams have styles that seem to have meshed excellently, these are delightful collaborations and really demonstrate what this tournament is all about! Great stuff, all of you!

One of the first things I noticed was that you both used desaturated, low-contrast colour schemes, giving the same lucid atmosphere to both reads. It also struck me that they were both brown/blue based. I'm sure you guys already know why this works for both your stories ;')

Spaced/Thresher:
Interesting paneling and page ratios! They were a little too big for me, but I could read them more after zooming out. I will say, be careful not to make your readers need to scroll in both directions at once, it can be really disorientating. So unless you want that effect, just watch the  page size. Its possible that in this case, too small is better than too big!
However, even when I zoomed out, some pages were still confusing. On pages 2 & 3 I was often unsure in which order to read the panels. Page 10 also does this, Haze diving down between the panels makes the reader feel like they should look lower down first, leading their eyes away from the panels with Scrumpy/Tabris talking.
If she has just been jumping the other way it would have led into the others much more nicely, it would have been more a more fluid read. Just food for thought.
Having said that, Page 11 has excellent composition; the way pages 10-13 are paced is very enjoyable, and made this comic a delight to read.

For me, your comics in this tournament have felt like Tabris and Haze are trapped in a weird dream; which I am loving! It's making me very excited to see how you two would wrap this up, so I hope we see the end- regardless of the result of the battle!

Mags/Becs:
Page 3 was remarkably enjoyable to read and stare at for a while!
I'm not sure (I probably missed something in an earlier comic)  but the giant seemed to pop up at random?  At first it made me think Tabris had shrunk. Haha.

Ths story was an interesting advancement of your own characters and how they interact, and it was nice to see Haze/Tabris kicking butt together! Great stuff!
For the last panel I personally would have panned out a little more, it might have helped the ending seem less abrupt, like: 'hey, we're panning out now, but we'll be back!'

Seriously though guys; you've done a marvelous job on these! Good luck to all of you!

space-aged
Artist
26 comments
# 17   Posted: Mar 19 2013, 08:33 PM
Oh my gosh Scrumpy's pick up line! I think I about died from laughing at that! I also loved the peek into Mammom's back story. Nice work you two!

Bobo: I agree that pose did end up really stiff. I'll try to watch out for that in the future. As for the paneling issue, I think there were probably ways I could have colored it or done something to make it less confusing. Another thing I'll try to be aware of.

Py: Tabris has a mighty longing for her home, and we may not have made that apparent enough to readers. And you're right, Haze just might be willing to take that deal. c:

Thanks for the feedback!

PyrasTerran
Artist
1512 comments
# 16   Posted: Mar 18 2013, 06:50 PM





PyrasTerran
Artist
1512 comments
# 15   Posted: Mar 18 2013, 06:50 PM
Thresher/Space: Love the environment and atmosphere, like in the first round, the backgrounds are lovely. I was really interested in the Haze/Mammon story, but I felt absolutely no tension with the Scrumpy/Tabris story, it seemed too unlikely that the angel would go with the demon's deal. It's not like he was Lucifer, the master of his craft or anything. Didn't feel that the stakes were high enough for Tabris to consider the deal, either, as far as she knew, she could just fly to keep searching for Haze. It may have been more intense if it was Haze who was presented with a deal, she seems more likely to take a risk like a demon

Becs/Magistelle: The art's not as strong as round 2 but the story still is. It's a shame you didn't continue with the street fighting tournament plot from the first round. The colors could probably have done well with some deeper shades, there's a lack of contrast that I don't think is doing the art any favors.

good job everyone~




Rose
Web Dev
1180 comments
# 14   Posted: Mar 18 2013, 10:10 AM
Thresh and s-a: I never thought I would be so attracted to Mammon as I was on page 5. I just-

Anyways, for the critique: Again, you two delivered a wonderful sense of environment with this comic. I was blown away with the landscapes, color choices, and just the general feeling of each panel. While there were a few spots where I had no idea which order to read the panels, overall I was really impressed with how you did them. This was really beautiful, guys, I'm not even exaggerating at all. Probably my only beef was how stiff Mammon looked on page 6 (which was so disappointing after how beautiful he looked on page 5 hahah). As for the story, it was so intriguing! I just couldn't stop reading this comic. I felt like Scrumpy's personality was a little off, but I imagine it's probably a result of his exchange with the demon, so I can buy that. Mammon was right in character, though, and I loved it. I wish I could have seen a little bit more of a team effort between Mammon and Scrumpy, instead of it seeming like just two parallel stories that don't end in this comic. That cliffhanger just really sent me for a loop. I want to read more, but I'm also disappointed that the story didn't resolve completely. That said, you resolved enough that it didn't feel like an unfinished comic, so I won't dock you points for making me want to keep reading ;). Really guys, just beautiful storytelling, environments, and color overall, and I can't wait for the conclusion of this epic story!

Becs and Mags: I'm on page 2 and I'm already trying to stifle my laughter (because I'm at work and don't want to sound like an idiot). This comic is so charming, and I'm really enjoying the way you split up the work this time! I'm glad you didn't just stick with the way you did it last time but tried to mix it up a bit; I hope you both learned a few new techniques from this experience! I enjoyed the coloring, even though it was simpler than your last round (and I'm partial to Mags's style of coloring). The mood it set was really interesting, especially how it contrasted with the riots going on outside. Speaking of which, way to integrate that plot with your comic! I'm glad to see more people on board with it, because it's pretty cool. The flashback to Mammon's past surprised me. I wasn't expecting such individual character development in a tag team match, but it really worked out well for me. I have to say that my biggest problem with your comic (especially since I read it after Thresher and space-aged's) was the overuse of middle- and close-range shots. I know Mags mentioned last round that she has problems with that, so just go crazy and experiment more with your panel shots in the future. I like how you made these teams friends instead of enemies, and how you implemented their personalities and powers quite well in your comic. It was a really fun read, and left me wanting more...

So basically, you both left me hanging and now, no matter who wins, I'll be missing out on the end of a story. THANKS A LOT GUYS!

Rah
Artist
57 comments
# 13   Posted: Mar 18 2013, 03:21 AM
The uploader wouldn't work so I had to email Bobo and Red our pages last night. Hopefully it all got there ok. Anyway, we changed things up a bit this time with the way we did the comic, I did the pencils, Mags inked them and then I shaded them. Hope you like it guys and can't wait to see what you came up with! :D

space-aged
Artist
26 comments
# 12   Posted: Mar 17 2013, 10:50 PM
Comic uploaded!

We split the work pretty much the same as last time. Thresher did the writing, layouts, backgrounds, and words. I  drew the characters and colored, with a bit of help on flats by Thresher.

Con
Artist
92 comments
# 11   Posted: Mar 12 2013, 12:45 PM
I have no idea who to root for, I loved both of these last matches. Can't wait!

Evil Eye
Artist
85 comments
# 10   Posted: Mar 12 2013, 09:18 AM
Shit this is gonna be a good one.  Scrumpy/Mammon have awesome chemistry and I really liked Haze last year.  Never seen a single Tabris comic though but it's Thresher, Thresher's coo'

Don't let me down boys I expect more shenanigans and slapstick insanity

Wolcik
Artist
492 comments
# 9   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 04:10 PM
I want Mammon and Scrumpy to make out

Kozispoon
Artist
1211 comments
# 8   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 01:11 PM
Congrats on the win in the last round and best of luck on this one! :D BATTLE TO WIN!

Tofubeast
Artist
254 comments
# 7   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 11:48 AM
Good luck!

space-aged
Artist
26 comments
# 6   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 11:39 AM
Oh my goodness this will be fun

Mister Kent
Artist
958 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 10:51 AM
Can't waittttttt!!!!!

Thresher
Artist
166 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 08:46 AM
ALL OF THE EXCITEMENT

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
408 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 06:52 AM
GIRLS VS BOYS!!! BRING IT <3

Red
Council
703 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 06:07 AM
GOOD LUCK YOU GUYS!!! I know this is going to be an amazing battle!!!!

Oops, double post ... one for each team, I guess.

Red
Council
703 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 4 2013, 06:07 AM
GOOD LUCK YOU GUYS!!! I know this is going to be an amazing battle!!!!

Comic Details -

 
Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Mar 24th, 2013
Votes Cast: 37
Page Views: 2261
Winners: Thresher and space-aged
 

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