Dangerous Ingredients / May Wu
Critiques & Comments
# 10
Posted:
Feb 18 2013, 11:41 AM
pretty basic storytelling here. your drawings, still, look skewed to one side in almost every panel. you should also try to distinguish the foreground elements from your backgrounds. right not the lines and colors are exactly the same and they blend together. I also agree with bobo about the lack of emotional impact. lastly, have someone proofread, because there's more than one typo.
# 9
Posted:
Feb 13 2013, 01:15 PM
I love exposition, so I greatly enjoyed this comic--lots of useful intel about the underground Battle Chef system. As always, May and Victor are adorable together!
# 8
Posted:
Feb 13 2013, 06:00 AM
Good story, but it lacked something. The emotional impact wasn't there for me. It was sad to hear about May's mother's death, but there was no intensity to it; just Victor stating the facts of the issue. Same thing with May beating Phil in the cooking match; I don't get what made her last punch any different from the rest of the battle. In fact, that whole battle scene seemed to be mission some key elements. It looked like Phil was just pushing May around and she wasn't really doing much. Phil says that May advertises her attacks, but the only time we see her attack is the one time she apparently surprises him.
I think what you need to practice is the principle of "show, don't tell." You rely a bit too much on dialogue to establish what's happening, when you could leave a lot of it out if you made the action more clear. That's my major bit of advice for you. You've been improving by leaps and bounds, and that's the big next step you need to take to make really great comics. That, and working on making your characters look a little less lopsided
Really, I'm super excited to see more from you! I love your characters and see so much potential in both you and them! Keep it up!
I think what you need to practice is the principle of "show, don't tell." You rely a bit too much on dialogue to establish what's happening, when you could leave a lot of it out if you made the action more clear. That's my major bit of advice for you. You've been improving by leaps and bounds, and that's the big next step you need to take to make really great comics. That, and working on making your characters look a little less lopsided
Really, I'm super excited to see more from you! I love your characters and see so much potential in both you and them! Keep it up!
# 7
Posted:
Feb 12 2013, 09:39 PM
Why would you eat raptors, my babies D:
I agree with what eeveryone else has said. I also found that a few times, the characters leaned one way or some part of them was skewed. I also wish we saw a bit more battle cooking, a missed opportunity! I hope we do see more of May and her dad, I do love their interactions.
I agree with what eeveryone else has said. I also found that a few times, the characters leaned one way or some part of them was skewed. I also wish we saw a bit more battle cooking, a missed opportunity! I hope we do see more of May and her dad, I do love their interactions.
# 6
Posted:
Feb 12 2013, 09:15 PM
Hey there! I agree with the others, our characters are lively, and the world you are building is very intreguing!
Though, I have to admit, at first I was a little skeptical of "Battle Cooking" being a dangerous and underground practice worth killing for. But then there were raptors. So now I am mostly curious, and I'd quite like to see a real cooking battle in the future!
But I do agree that I was expecting something different from May's fight with Phil. I thought it a little strange that the battle consisted of May taking a beating, almost punching Phil, and then being left alone to make her burger. I think you missed an opportunity for some crazy action and fast-flying food, with May being harassed as she tries to cook! I did notice that you took the time to draw the burger nicely, and I must say, it looks pretty tasty!
The colouring is a little messy in places (make sure to go over your pages and clean up stuff that's outside the lines) and the shading is sort of inconsistant, with shading in some places and not in others. Also work on your anatomy; I especially noticed on Page 2, when May is slamming her hands down on the table, that her arms are way to short, and her head is too large.
And I think I should mention, I really loved panel 3 of Page 9 C: (My ony note here would be to put a little more love into the crowds on the other side of the cage, as they literally disappear on the left side.)
Anyway, well done! Hope to see more!
Though, I have to admit, at first I was a little skeptical of "Battle Cooking" being a dangerous and underground practice worth killing for. But then there were raptors. So now I am mostly curious, and I'd quite like to see a real cooking battle in the future!
But I do agree that I was expecting something different from May's fight with Phil. I thought it a little strange that the battle consisted of May taking a beating, almost punching Phil, and then being left alone to make her burger. I think you missed an opportunity for some crazy action and fast-flying food, with May being harassed as she tries to cook! I did notice that you took the time to draw the burger nicely, and I must say, it looks pretty tasty!
The colouring is a little messy in places (make sure to go over your pages and clean up stuff that's outside the lines) and the shading is sort of inconsistant, with shading in some places and not in others. Also work on your anatomy; I especially noticed on Page 2, when May is slamming her hands down on the table, that her arms are way to short, and her head is too large.
And I think I should mention, I really loved panel 3 of Page 9 C: (My ony note here would be to put a little more love into the crowds on the other side of the cage, as they literally disappear on the left side.)
Anyway, well done! Hope to see more!
# 5
Posted:
Feb 12 2013, 04:57 PM
I agree with LeFred that I thought that guy would try a little harder to stop her and would continue to do so while she tried to cook, now that she knows her mother's backstory, maybe in addition to cooking she can learn some fighting and we can a real battle-cook thing going on? But I love the world you are building with these characters, and I admit I did laugh out loud when the raptors were let loose! May is really growing on me! You're stuff is getting better, keep it up! (oh yeah and I agree with Will- your linework seems a little off, how are you doing it? if you are drawing traditional and scanning it, I think you might need to level it a little more, or a better pen.)
# 4
Posted:
Feb 12 2013, 01:17 PM
yo homie waddup!
So first things first my friend, very nice i told you before that i liked it but now that i read it i like even more. oh and like the first guy the hand positions got me confused too, if its a feint make it visually easier to read that and if you just didn't notice...well shit happens. well anyways raptors are cool thats all i got... Later!!!
So first things first my friend, very nice i told you before that i liked it but now that i read it i like even more. oh and like the first guy the hand positions got me confused too, if its a feint make it visually easier to read that and if you just didn't notice...well shit happens. well anyways raptors are cool thats all i got... Later!!!
# 3
Posted:
Feb 12 2013, 08:49 AM
I think your idea was great, but it felt too much like exposition and then Phil wasn't much of a challenge. he makes her trip a couple times and then she wins. It doesn't feel like she needed to learn anything from that little fight. You might have wanted to treat those two parts more dynamicaly, instead of making them two very distinct points. perhaps make the death of her mother something to overcome to win the match. I also expected Phil to continue putting a fight WHILE she was cooking and was looking foward to her having to jugle the food while fighting. But that's just me.
On the other hand, raptors make up for everything.
On the other hand, raptors make up for everything.
# 2
Posted:
Feb 12 2013, 07:53 AM
I am really enjoying the story and world you are building with May Wu, it has been strongly internally consistent and there's a great deal of potential here. I want to ask you how you are doing your linework though because the quality suffers throughout. Are you doing traditionals and then scanning them because something in the process is eating your linework. Perhaps you can outline it here and we can give you some tips? The shape of your heads suffer a little and you may need more practice with the underlying structure there. The shape does not remain consistent which causes quality to suffer a little. I am not a colorist but your colors do need some sort of work. I unfortunately can't give you any tips on how to improve on that except to study up a little on color theory and experiment because the colors here are too oversaturated and don't do a great deal in enhancing the story.
I'd also like to see a bit more variation in your angles. You definitely do a great job trying to change it up, but the first half of the comic before the stadium is about 80% close up panels. The second half does a much better job of being more dynamic. Please keep it up as I enjoy your work.
I'd also like to see a bit more variation in your angles. You definitely do a great job trying to change it up, but the first half of the comic before the stadium is about 80% close up panels. The second half does a much better job of being more dynamic. Please keep it up as I enjoy your work.
# 1
Posted:
Feb 12 2013, 07:23 AM
Real nice job on this, Video, nice consistency in the artwork, and a pretty good flow throughout. I'm becoming a fan of May I think
Only one thing I noticed that really stood out was on page 7, the first panel it's her right hand (based on thumb and arm position) and then she's punching with the left arm. Honestly this could probably have been intentional, like she was faking him out, but it doesn't quite read that way to me.
Only one thing I noticed that really stood out was on page 7, the first panel it's her right hand (based on thumb and arm position) and then she's punching with the left arm. Honestly this could probably have been intentional, like she was faking him out, but it doesn't quite read that way to me.
Beyond Battle
Drawing Time:
4 weeks
Ended:
Feb 18th, 2013
Votes Cast:
22
Page Views:
1479
99 Problems and a Cat
Croi Desai vs. HR99
@ 12:30 AM Apr 23rd
einsam
Colbitzer
@ 3:32 PM Apr 17th
Birthright
Saal, Louise Ambre-Aliona, and Llaana
@ 3:44 PM Apr 16th
Help Needed
Theakon
@ 2:19 PM Apr 16th
The Great Switcheroo
Louise Ambre-Aliona vs. Luniel Gekka
@ 3:26 AM Apr 15th
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
|
270 Guests, 2 Users
Most Online Today: 310.
Most Online Ever: 1,184 (Jan 13, 2020, 06:21 PM)
Artist
I feel like a broken record echoing what's already been said, so I'll just agree that while your page count is impressive, I feel the more pages you churn out, the lower your quality tends to be. Even if you only do four pages, I know they'd be much more well received if they were given painstaking attention.