Graduation / Florence Ailey
Critiques & Comments
# 4
Posted:
Dec 13 2012, 01:54 PM
Good job knockin' this one out! I'd watch your poses and action, especially on page 4 where Jacob/Florence's legs are positioned a bit oddly, and in other panels where it's unclear what's happening. Aside from that, it's clear what's happened.
# 3
Posted:
Dec 13 2012, 10:39 AM
pretty cool!! I like the style the pages are, suits the story and gives you that raw feeling of death, desperation and what not, just one critic on page 5-6 took me a liitle time to understand what was going on, I dont know if that was the intention but it drag me out of the story for a bit, of course in page 7 you get a clear read of what happend but still it makes you go back to see how that happend.
Anyway, good job overall I really liked it keep up the good work!
Anyway, good job overall I really liked it keep up the good work!
# 2
Posted:
Dec 13 2012, 10:23 AM
this was super cool to watch being livestreamed and even more so as a finished and polished beyond battle! Impressive work for only a week.
The concept of a battle royale school is always something I can get behind and you went all out giving us a peek into how harrowing the 'final exam' was. Nice work on all the blood and guts. I'm still floored a tonfa can dole out that much pain. I did get a little lost on pages 5-7. did someone hit Florence on the head? And then he's ok, but it was really someone else? Now his friend is hurt? Who hurt her? was it the hit head guy? Maybe I was the only one who got lost ,but in all the action your characters teeter on the edge of looking similar enough that I couldn't tell the difference until the dust settled.
I am still dazzled by the 'badass' pose on page six though. Really great use of inks. Really, great inks and washes throughout. Thanks for giving us a deeper peek into your fighters backstory- now someone get this poor kid a juicebox!
The concept of a battle royale school is always something I can get behind and you went all out giving us a peek into how harrowing the 'final exam' was. Nice work on all the blood and guts. I'm still floored a tonfa can dole out that much pain. I did get a little lost on pages 5-7. did someone hit Florence on the head? And then he's ok, but it was really someone else? Now his friend is hurt? Who hurt her? was it the hit head guy? Maybe I was the only one who got lost ,but in all the action your characters teeter on the edge of looking similar enough that I couldn't tell the difference until the dust settled.
I am still dazzled by the 'badass' pose on page six though. Really great use of inks. Really, great inks and washes throughout. Thanks for giving us a deeper peek into your fighters backstory- now someone get this poor kid a juicebox!
# 1
Posted:
Dec 13 2012, 09:50 AM
Whoooooa! I got a little lost because I don't know florence's story very well, but this was just crazy!
Beyond Battle
Drawing Time:
1 week
Ended:
Dec 19th, 2012
Votes Cast:
19
Page Views:
1548
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Artist
-yes someone hit florence. There's too many kids, and I figured drawing everyone with the same school uniform isn't going to make it any easier understanding. Florence got hit on the shoulder (people get hurt hurting other people). It is also visible later he got hit on the chest, a scar on the right arm, side of stomach, and forehead. But he's okay.
-Regarding who hurt girl-florence: She protected him from someone who had a samurai blade in a silhouette on page 5 panel 5, but his actual image was never shown.
I may be backing myself up saying that yes I didn't really intend much of the violence to make sense other than the fact that someone is getting hurt really bad with a tonfa. But next time I should really plot the panels out a lot better, and I'll work on that.