Intro Story / Florence Ailey

Intro Story — Florence Ailey


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Critiques & Comments
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Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 8 2012, 04:36 PM
A little late to the comment party, but I know the importance of letting fighters who put time and effort into their battles know its been read.

Nice mishmash of adorable and spooky in regards to this characters intro! I especially dug the cameo in the promo poster he unwrinkled. The subsequent reaction after reading said poster was hilarious. It really sets the stage for this little guys craziness that he busts through a window to get to VOID city, haha.

I think the comic tones were a nice choice considering you got this animu style going on. Looking forward to seeing more of this little guy- oh and welcome aboard!

Kuro
Artist
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581 comments
# 4   Posted: Sep 30 2012, 11:43 AM
Beyond the facial issues, work on your perspective & your composition.
It's awkward how things suddenly start to get extremely fisheyed as you pull back. I can't tell if its just through starting out or something youre trying as an effect but it's not quite warranted here. Also drawing things diagonally doesn't make them fall into a perspective I noticed that with them sitting. Think about where the horizon falls.

In regards to your composition, Most of these panels either feel too tight or zoomed too far out. I think you need to plan your shots better & think about scaling. If you have to show a face & a piece of paper, back off a little so you can fit both. If you want to show something else in the room behind them, think about just how far away from them it is & how big they should be in relation. And where the ceiling should be. Or how high the window should be off the tracks when someone's leaning out. These all seem like the things you run into starting out. Practice more & you'll get the hang of it.

Pennydox
Artist
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230 comments
# 3   Posted: Sep 27 2012, 09:37 PM
whoa that was real quick! yay! *shuffle dance* And accepted on my birthday too :3

I sure as hell will draw my head more often. I originally wanted this entire thing to be with only black and white pen, and then suddenly (and very stupidly) I changed the color sheet on the character after drawing and hatching everything and  it went whack, and I decided to fix it up with a comic tone. I have to make sure I figure out my values before I do something so stupid at the last moment ^_^

      Edited Sep 27 2012,  09:50 PM by Pennydox

Tofubeast
Artist
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254 comments
# 2   Posted: Sep 27 2012, 03:43 PM
Yayyy you got in! You already got your full crit from me on DA, so I'll just second what Rofl said. Looking forward to battling you sometime soon!

E.W. Schneider
Artist
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1042 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 27 2012, 01:44 PM
Be careful with your head anatomy, you need to practice it out more. You need to work on this. Find a mirror and draw yourself from the angles that look off. If that's too hard, have someone pose for you. It's very important to learn that now instead of later.

I like your texture choices, they work very well with your style. That being said, your lines are going a bit willy-nilly in the backgrounds. Try to draw and work them with purpose, because your art would be a lot better with more careful hatching to support not only your backgrounds, but your characters.

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Ended: Oct 4th, 2012
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