Jules Saphir Vs Void City Pt. 2 / Jules Saphir

Jules Saphir Vs Void City Pt. 2 — Jules Saphir

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Icon for Jules Saphir
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Critiques & Comments
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Kozispoon
Artist
1211 comments
# 19   Posted: Aug 10 2012, 11:39 PM
Another epic beyond battle and amazing page count. I think you got some great feedback in regards to your quality and how to improve it, so I wont add anything as its already been mentioned, but make mention those were my main reasons for voting low by way of quality.

I know its not easy to have so many varying fighters in one comic and you seem to handle it perfectly without losing the focus of your story. Really looking forward to seeing more.

Pocketmouse
Artist
101 comments
# 18   Posted: Aug 8 2012, 02:47 AM
I won't say too much!
1- everyone already did,
2- I just don't know enough about what's going on to add anything useful.

Art-wise, your shading and use of colour is looking very promising. I'd really love to see a broader range of shades, you've using lots of colour but they feel very close together in terms of shade and I think it'll help you add just so much more depth :') It's nice to see more fully-coloured stuff, so good job on actually taking the time to create it.

Besides this I think your line work could be improved; If you start using more contrasting colours/shades you might find you'll feel less dependent on linework. I do think that maybe you don't care much for your lines? Forgive me if I am wrong but I feel like doing them is certainly not your favorite part?

Just a couple of pointers line-wise;
Your broad lines around the characters is a good start, but if you want to chase this whole line thing to work for you you'll need to bee a little more sensitive; closer bits get thicker line e.c.t but don't just stick to one width of line, vary it! taper them, don't pick one brush size/style and stick with it all the way, get something fancy and see what it looks like.

Don't become a slave to using line if you don't like it though; get out there and experiment a bit, you don't have to be a cookie-cutter comic artist if it doesn't suit you! Really have a load of fun making the image and good luck with part 3! :')

The Bent One
Artist
564 comments
# 17   Posted: Aug 7 2012, 11:30 PM
Video320: I'll do better next time. I promise.
Quote

And if I have anything to say about future BBs (and certain cameos), you certainly will... ALL HAIL LORD GON'KRA

Video320
Artist
116 comments
# 16   Posted: Aug 7 2012, 11:15 PM
Alright alright.
Majikura, Bad Idea, I understand what you're saying. To be fair I was just having fun making people punch each other. But you are right, both of you. If I want to become any better at this I need to take it more seriously.

Majikura - If I had a choice I probably do it the way you described, but its a little late for that. I'll take the less is more approach and use it from now on.

A Bad Idea - wow, thanks for taking the time write all that. You put a lot of things into perspective for me. I will do what I can to finish off in a way that wont have an essay's worth of complaints

My rating didn't go down that much after the two of you so I think its safe to say the others pretty much feel the same way.I'll do better next time. I promise.

Majikura
Artist
469 comments
# 15   Posted: Aug 7 2012, 12:43 AM
im just gonna be honest, I'm not a big fan of how inconsequential the cameo characters are and I seriously don't like how the plot hasn't moved at all within this chapter.  The pacing feels like one of those video game levels where they stick you in an elevator and throw wave after wave of enemy at you...Jules is stuck in this giant brawl that has nothing to do with his original motivations of finding and defeating andy heller.  I think you would have had a much stronger plot with greater cameo control if you had Jules encounter Andy immediately, then have Andy constantly on the run as she bumps into various void fighters that try to help her (and fail) making it one crazy chase sequence, all leading up to a climax where i guess jules is gong to die.  That way your extra characters can enter, make a stand, fall to Jules, then exit stage as andy runs for help from the next character.  If you want to work with a large cast of characters, make sure they all have something to contribute to the story, don't just throw them in for the hell of it.

Less is more.

A Bad Idea
Artist
320 comments
# 14   Posted: Aug 6 2012, 11:33 PM
I relented to comment on Jules vs VC Part 1 because I wanted to see what you were building up to in Part 2. After reading it, my opinion hasn't much changed, so grab yourself a drink, because this is gonna be long. I'm critiquing them both as a single piece.

The story thus far is lacking any feasible direction. There's  no draw, no development, no drama, nothing. Every character presented who is active in the conflict has no MOTIVATION (which is something I mentioned in my critique of Jessie Valley's last battle, so you might want to take a look at that too). And the motives that you have presented thus far are slim, and not substantial enough to justify the huge conflict that you are building up. I get that you wanted to feature as many fighters as you possibly could, but without any context or reason, it all just because jumbled and pointless. The crux of this is the random appearance by Mr. Creamy, whose appearance does nothing to the story whatsoever. It wasn't even funny. What I'm seeing here is a plot that is arbitrarily putting characters into a big battle royale, thinly laced with a brittle plot that's not holding it up very well. Remember that the PLOT does not drive the characters, the CHARACTERS drive the PLOT.

Let's talk about motivation. Jules is there because he's looking for Andy Heller. Andy Heller is not there. Why is he bothering to fight everyone there? He's mentioned several times that he has no interest in everyone involved, and he could very easily leave. So why is he still fighting? What will he gain? Let's take a look at his opponents. Wizzie Belles is mad about a dropped pair of panties. At this point in the battle, she is risking personal injury and far worse at the hands at this psycho clown-ghost-thing. Why is she still there? Is she STILL mad about the panties? Everyone else involved is fighting in defense of Nyasuu or Andy, except for Mammon, who is picking a fight for no reason. Even the appearances of the later characters are completely unjustified. Mammon just "happens" to walk into the fight. Azelle just "happens" to be walking out of an alleyway when Andy's name is yelled for the 60th time. Gossamer Swan and Elle show up out of the blue and seem to know what's going on, without any context or reason. Can you see why it's difficult to find any relevance to this entire story? There's no sense of what's actually at stake. There's no RISK. There's no DRAMA. There's no real consequence to this entire conflict.

Speaking of plot, the reason why I don't feel any differently about part 2 as I did for part 1 is because in part 2, nothing actually happens. A few more people appear, but the plot hasn't moved an inch. People are still fighting, Jules takes another attack, Jules survives and beats up the gang, Jules eats another attack, Jules somehow survives and launches a counterattack, etc. The stakes haven't changed, except that new characters have arrived, and even that does nothing to tip the scales of the conflict.

While we're on the topic of the battle, there's a persistent plot element that's been bothering me; why is Jules so obscenely powerful? Any risk that could have been established by the fact that he's facing down 6+ fighters at once is undermined by the fact that he'll take 6+ fighters' worth of punishment, and then get right back up as though nothing happened to him. Even if you wanted to establish Jules as "the most powerful being in existence", I'm not FEELING it. He doesn't seem impervious, nor does he seem particularly deadly. He just seems unremarkably unkillable. Each exchange involves the gang beating up Jules, then Jules standing back up and somehow able to beat everyone in a completely mundane fashion. It just doesn't make sense how he's putting up that much of a fight; in fact, it almost appears like the gang is *letting* Jules beat them up because of how unremarkable his counterattacks have been.

There's still one part left, but you have a lot of ground to cover. Look over your plot and start asking questions about why things are happening. I've love to see this wrapped up cohesively in the next chapter.

Video320
Artist
116 comments
# 13   Posted: Aug 6 2012, 08:13 PM
The BenT One - cool, yeah backgrounds leave me dumbfounded. I'll throw more of my effort in that direction.
hmmm,I don't even remember drawing that poster... weird. :D

Ransom!- Backgrounds huh? I'll get on that. I'm glad you liked the creamy cameo. I think If he and Jules fought, it would decimate the city.

Dray    - Thanks, I appreciate  it!

tdkgunghoul - putting shots more in the distance would force me to make the BGs better, yeah i'll try that. Thanks!

Coatl - OK, the outline too thick on things far back is totally my bad. I should know better. I'll try too keep a more cohesive flow for panels from now on.

Bobo - oh, lots of stuff. not putting enough THOUGHT into thing seems to be my problem. which is cool, I can fix that. I'm glad you like some stuff though. also, Jules is sorta dead already so don't feel too bad.




Rose
Web Dev
1180 comments
# 12   Posted: Aug 6 2012, 12:38 PM
Here's my quick crit:
First off, I've been looking forward to this battle for a while, and I'm excited it's finally here! I think it's really epic how you've got all of these characters I've come to know and love since I came back to VOID all teaming up against Jules to defend Andy and the city. You have some good humor and fun interplay between different characters, and I enjoyed that. I also loved Mr. Creamy's entrance. One thing to watch out for is posing your fight scenes. Since you don't have movement like you do in a movie, you have to use extra clues to help us know what's going on in each panel. Having an accurate pose for your characters is vital, and you can help by using stretching techniques, speedlines, or other tools to show movement from one place to another. Just work on making sure we "see" the movement even without there actually being physical movement. One other thing to be careful of is grammar and spelling. You might want a proofreader to go through and catch things like to/too/two and stuff. Not super distracting, but it can disrupt the reading flow. I liked your expressions. Even though your anatomy needs some work, the emotions came through pretty well, so that's a victory for you in my opinion. The end of page 12 could have used a little more work. I got the gist of what was happening, but I didn't feel it happening, if you get my meaning. I think having bullets flying out at the reader and more bits of torn material or something might have helped.

Overall, I'm digging the whole cameoganza going on here. I feel like you put some effort into making the characters feel like themselves, and Jules is a very interesting creature to go up against all of the heroes of Void City. I think having so many characters has taken away a little bit from your development; it feels like a salad of heroes more than a team of fighters, if you get my meaning. That said, I still enjoyed the comic and look forward to the finale. Also, I applaud you for doing the research into each of the characters' previous comics and providing continuity that way. You've brought a lot of different stories together without any of them feeling like they don't belong in the same world, which I think is difficult to do on Void. I'm sad that Jules has to die, but I know you'll keep making better and better comics, so bring it on!

Coatl
Artist
320 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 6 2012, 12:12 PM
I think one thing you should look up and understand is the 180 degree rule. there's a bunch of shots that mess me up reading when it comes to angles and even the timing of shots.

Another thing is work on making your lineart thicker on things closer to the camera when working with foreshortening and perspective.

Also try to sketch certain scenes and panels without any panel borders onb a seprate page as practice in order to warm up and brainstorm better options for drawing particular things such as someone getting punched. Look up refs as well to get ideas.


Ten Dead Kings
Artist
269 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 5 2012, 09:39 AM
Personally, I think you should start pulling the camera back more often, so we can see more clearly where everyone is, plus you get to make more detailed backgrounds that way.

Dray
4 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 5 2012, 08:47 AM
Oh no! I read the spoiler at the end! D:

Seriously, though, this was really fun! Keep it up, man. Loved it!

Ransom!
Artist
36 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 4 2012, 11:39 PM
I dig stories that span multiple comics. :) I thought you handled the ton of characters pretty well, and the Creamy cameo was hilarious. I agree though, you gotta give your backgrounds some love! It will also help to push your characters, they're fun and expressive, but the empty backgrounds for me are stealing the spotlight.

The Bent One
Artist
564 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 4 2012, 09:04 PM
I REALLY enjoyed this. Granted, you still have some framing issues with your panels and poses, and your backgrounds need LOTS of work, but the action and intensity is all there. It's awesome to see all these VOID fighters coming together to fight a villain.

But what was that strange poster in the alley way... ;)

JCee
Artist
425 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 4 2012, 04:40 AM
That's okay Vid. Having that many characters can be quite the labor, and a three-parter sounds pretty rad to me.

Video320
Artist
116 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 4 2012, 12:52 AM
s'all uploaded. Couldn't finish it in two parts so I did some rewrites and made it three. Part 2 is the brunt of the action, punches and punchlines. Time management is still my worst enemy. Having so many characters makes it hard to give anyone the spotlight they deserve. I'll challenge you all later for a proper battle.

MyHatsEatPeople
Artist
408 comments
# 4   Posted: Jul 15 2012, 10:52 AM
Awwww shit son! Cant wait!!

Field Marshal Lionel Forsythe W. Underwood XIII, GBE
Artist
141 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 15 2012, 01:15 AM
GO GO GO!!! I want to read comics.

JCee
Artist
425 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 15 2012, 12:06 AM
Awesome sauce!!

The Bent One
Artist
564 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 15 2012, 12:03 AM
I am excite!

Comic Details -

 
Beyond Battle
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Aug 11th, 2012
Votes Cast: 26
Page Views: 1616
 

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