Thank you both Michael and Angie for the feedback!

Michael: Normally I tend to stay away from using narrative captions. I usually do prefer the "show not tell" method. I felt for this set up it would add an effect in the flashback, and help narrate previous events. This may be the only entry involving captions so no worries. Just felt like experimenting for once. :>

Angie: I admit I was a bit careless with the tone variety this time. My only excuse was to have something balance out with the ink washes since I also had a limited gray scale palette. Honestly I didn't want to do much toning for this at all, but felt it was necessary in some parts. I'll keep the toning in better check for next time.
 

I thought the captions worked well, I think it's fine to use narration as long as it's not being redundant. It's just a tool for telling a story, Watchmen is a very popular example of using caption boxes. I know you were very frustrated with this comic BM, but I thought it turned out fine. It obviously was not going to be as strong artistically as your previous few comics because those were BBs and you had all the time in the world. The main thing I caught was you could have been more careful with your toning. A lot of scenes like most of page 6, most of the tones are roughly the same. So when you have something like panel 5 where there's a clear difference in the distance between Eliza and Cavallero, but they're all the same tone, it kind of messes with my head.

You probably should have also laid off the SD scenes, while there weren't a ton, it was a little jarring to see this fairly serious story and seeing the characters randomly go into SD mode. I think the comic was overall nicely paced and I enjoyed the story. It may be helpful to cut down your page count for your non BB work so you can keep your quality up.

The story was great in this one, good job.

Bitter:
I would encourage you to cut down on all the captions. It is a general rule in storytelling to show and not tell. Captions merely tell. It is far more interesting to show the information you could convey in a caption box. As soon as I saw all the captions boxes on the first page I, personally, was immediately turned off.  They pull a reader out of the story by reminding the reader that the story is being told to them, that they aren't a part of it, and aren't experiencing it for themselves but through someone else's.

rarely do you see a battle where that two character storylines are so perfectly connected. Bravo on the writing!

Aw hey no worries! You gotta take care of your offline priorities, so I completely understand.
I appreciate you giving a heads up!
Thank you also for accepting the challenge, even though it ended up being on such a rough time frame.
( I hope I didn't come off as a jerknad during all this...)

I hope to see your comic in it's full entirety soon, but take as much time as you need. I'll be waiting patiently. :>

Goddomot fronk. Oh well, still excited to see Bm's side.

It's no big emergency I just have an errand to run which means I won't be physically home until tomorrow which is past the deadline.  My original intention was to post at least half of the comic yesterday but I didn't get enough time between yesterday and today to pull it off.  I'm sorry but sometimes there's just too much going on.

Oh no Wiiiiiiiiilllll!  D:>
I'd hate to see you flat-out default. You could always post a couple pages and just post the rest later?
I hope nothing bad happened! You know where to find me if you ever want to talk dude.

Sorry I can't make this deadline.  I won't be around.  I'll put my comic up at a later date.

Hnngh, my body needs this.

Uploaded all 16 pages.

Needs more taze, bro.

But hey, no worries Will. Take as much time as you need!

While I certainly hope this comic reads like an episode of "To Catch a Predator", I'm currently in legal talks with Chris Hanson and therefore had to extend the deadline.

That's because she knows you have impure thoughts, Will.

Eliza doesn't think so.  Look at her.

This is far more agreeable.