Pi asked for another crit, so I gave it to him.  Slightly edited after clearing up a misunderstanding on the last page, and to take out a future plot point that I successfully guessed.



Given your last battle, I was hoping for better this time

there\'s a LOT of still-visible erased lines through-out the pages

I\'m not too fond of the giant heads on the first page, with huge text bubbles.  But on the other hand, it does recap the story so it\'s a success in that regard

Panel 1 of page 2 is a step in the right direction.  Could be constructed a little better compositionally to contrast full Kure against just-a-head Kure, but it\'s a daring panel and I like it.  Panel 3, with the sideways text is not cool, and the erasures on panel 4 are blatently obvious.  I\'ve already got a burning desire for more backgrounds as well

On page 3, I think I would have switched the first two panels.  Show Pye struggling with the mask, in the first, then it flying into Kure\'s hand in the second.  Panels three and four are good, but I\'ve got a personal objection with the story that I\'ll get to later [I talked to him about this privately]

page four - screaming for a background

page 5... several things actually... first, we haven\'t seen Trav in awhile.  that\'s bad for one because it\'s him your supposed to be fighting.  It\'s bad for another because he was trying so hard to get Kure to recover, but once he does, Trav\'s got nothing to say about it

Additionally, zombie summoning should have taken up more time/space.  It\'s cool to have a super-zoomed in \"Time for a contingency plan\" shot, but it shouldn\'t be as large as it is.  I would have made it small, and made the bottom panel a full half-page showing Pye with his arms up or some other \'summoning\' type position, but he\'s off to the edge.  In the middle is Doome, surrounded by zombies coming out of EVERYWHERE.  Sewer grates, straight from the ground, from alleys, out of windows... ariel shot looking down on the scene

Page 6... I don\'t know.  Needs a background in at least one panel.  ... I think I would have reversed the orientations on the panels here.  Have the top two as verticals, showing Doome and Trav prepping for battle.  Trav definitely needs more to be shown than just the top of his head.  Then the bottom two spallter shots as horizontals since not as much needs to be shown there.  The point is made much more easilly here, especially Trav\'s since all of his action is in a tight spot around his head already.

Page 7 panel 1 is nice.  Panels 2 and three though, look lazy or rushed.

Page 8 seems very abrupt.  (still more backgrounds needed on the first two panels)  I would have liked to see Pye escaping in a tiny panel or corner of a large shot somewhere during the mayhem... or have them both turn to where he was previously standing after defeating all the zombies to discover he\'s gone.  The silhouette panels kinda work

I think page 9 should get an Epilouge label slapped on it. Estrella is this little dude\'s whole PURPOSE.  He\'s been after her for a long time, and his feelings are written all over him.  So to do just one relatively simple task and get something powerful enough to work on a god that quickly seems anti-climactic

It should be something he strives his ass off for, collecting one tiny piece at a time sometimes at a loss for other things valuable to him, until he\'s finally got everything needed and then finally casts a spell or something on a really grand scale.

To Hidden Kunai: Perhaps the Traveler didn\'t do that because it would upset some sort of time line. Killing Dr. Pye then and there would probably be more devistating than actually killing him.

Dr. Pye: oooo...intruiging story and an action packed entry. I wanna know what happends next.

Cool entry Pi. I thought the story was well done but why didn\'t the time traveler just shoot Dr. Pye with the uzi while he was standing there?

Loved the little story you had goin pi XD

also the first panel on page 7 rocks

All uploaded! I tried some new stuff in this fight, hope you guys enjoy it. In case you didn\'t get the memo, it\'s the second part of \"Doctor\'s Appointment,\" which was my Kure fight.

Mr. roboto do not disappoint
same for pi, i expect good stuff from you

Mr. RObot has purchased an extension....one week

i am THRILLED that you are officially part of the action, pi. GOOD LUCK.

oh fuck yes trav is back!

Pi dont let us down on this one!

Yea, Estrella is still a part of Pye\'s story, I just want to build my skills up a bit before challenging Pon to a match. Feel free to use it if you want, but let me know if you plan on doing anything drastic or if you just want more info on the nature of his courtship.

did it have something to do with Estrella going active ?

anyways good luck , the both of youse.

Sweet.  Dr. Pye\'s finally in.